News

Currently my dad has been in the air for a little bit less than 3 hours so another 5 to go. I really don't envy him. I am not a traveler who can sleep due to my need for control in those situations. So those overnight flights back to England always do me in. I am totally exhausted by the time we get there and I then have to get from London to Norwich. No easy feat on little or no sleep. At least my Uncle is picking him up from the airport.

Me, I have my 3 month check up today. Good news. My weight loss is now at 83 lbs for the total duration since March of 2009. I have lost and managed to keep it off. I continue to lose and that is good. Kidneys, liver and all those internal organ tests came back right where they need to be. My pre-diabetes number is shifting away from the diabetes side of the spectrum and that is a plus.

I like what my doctor told me today - he is really real sometimes - "it is good that you are moving away from the diabetes side of things but I don't want you to think that if we shift far away from that, that you will never have diabetes. Reality is, Philip, that the lifestyle you lived for so many years is going to haunt you for the rest of your life." It is a sobering thought but one that I have always understood. I like it when a doctor is both and optimist while being a realist.

Now however I have to go see a surgeon and that does send alarms up and down my spine. But I will go and see what he has to say. Second and third opinions are always a good thing. So we shall see where this all goes but guess what .. it is all good and necessary.

We live, we learn, we adjust and repair what we can and then, for kicks and giggles, we keep on living.

Good night.

Freaking weekend

Been an interesting one. But I did get to learn something ... I like morphine. Maybe not a good thing to say but when you are in the hospital and in as much pain as I was in Saturday morning, the nurse comes in and says the doctor said I could give you some morphine. I just lay there and say "that is nice as long as it will" ... (she now has the syringe shooting it in my IV) ... "make me lose the pain .. how long does it take for this to work? I feel warm inside. You are nice." Nurse Jessie, "have you never had morphine before?" Me, "I don't think I ever had ... is this a silly smile on my face." Nurse Chris came in to tell me I have to drink half of the barium solution now and the other half in 30 minutes. Asks me my name ... I say, "I am loopy." He is like, "huh?" Nurse Jesse, "First time on morphine."

Finally at 7 am I get some sleep to be woken up in 30 minutes for the other half of the solution. To be woken up again to get rolled into the CT scan of my abdomen. Finally my favorite doctor (remembered me from a year ago in ER room number 2 - heart incident on March 5, 2009 - go back the to the first postings in this blog) came in to confirm what he had already told me he suspected. Gall bladder. Given drugs (a strength of Vicodin I did not even know existed) and stuff for the stomach and nausea. So crawled to the pharmacy, got meds, crawled home and then took the pain pill. That was pretty much it for Saturday.

On top of that I think I have a sinus infection and have been around too many people with strep this week so first order of business tomorrow is to get an appointment with my doctor. Get him to get the ultrasound and CT scan from the hospital and see where he wants to go with that. Hopefully convince him that I need something to kick this infection and then get on with this week.

All this after I was promoted to IT System Support Manager last Sunday and it was finally made official to my team on Friday (my day off). So it was truly a whirlwind week. I think I will be popping a pain pill here in a few short moments that will cast my into oblivion for a few hours. But some of you will hear about this through others on the coconut wireless so I figured I would lay it all out now.

So here is to a less eventful week ahead. That and a longer Christmas break as I am now truly a member of corporate America with the schedule that coincides with the home office. Wow first true M-F 8-5 job ever.

Peace to all.

Learning and doing

So I spent a couple of weeks reading all and learning what I could about low-carb diets. How to do it right without damaging yourself. The reasons for and those reasons why people dislike it. I came to the conclusion that I have to try. I have to see as it pretty much mimics what my nutritionist, last year after the strokes, asked me to do and what I lost that first 75 lbs with. This allows dairy and more protein in my diet than the nutritionist had and that was one thing that I did miss.

First I purge the apartment of everything that I needed to eat and consume that would not work with this. I still have a few things and I kept sugar here for those visitors who prefer that in their tea or coffee. I still have not made it through one of those 5 lb bricks of sugar in what ... 4 years here. Amazing.

But last week was the first week and tomorrow will be my first week weigh in. I will see.
I have noticed that by looking at everything from bacon to salad dressings to marinara sauce it is hard to find something that does not have sugar in it. Sugar is, or should I say has become, a staple of this culture we live in. You have to look to find the things without it and of course, without and ingredient they cost more ... go figure.

But it is true, I feel, to say that we are addicted to this granular substance. I did well on meeting the goals this first week. I have the issues that many many people have when switching from a diet with carbs to a diet that has only 20 net carbs a day in it ... and I expected them. I was prepared for lack of energy as the body shifts from burning primarily carbohydrates (in the form of glucose) to burning fat (including the fat that is stored in your body) for energy. You are retraining a living organism and it will fight what it has become accustomed to over the years. But if this is the process that is finally forcing me to get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night I will take it.

Back to my thoughts on sugar ... I was tempted with piles of candy on Sunday night (Halloween) with all the little trick or treaters that showed up on the front porch, with costumes and amazingly polite happy attitudes. So I had a single ... little tootsie roll. Oh my goodness. Just 6 days without that sugar made me drool and the urge for more kicked in. It was both scary from a psychological and physiological point of view as it was amazing to realize that there was truth behind what I had been reading.

So I tested that hypothesis with the single tootsie roll at work today ... of course all the left overs were brought in. Once again I had been doing great all day long. Low carb bar for breakfast,  beef and broccoli for lunch, whey protein shake for snack, chicken with veggies for dinner and then the test. Wham ... one tootsie roll set the craving really high for all those candies all over the place. Thankfully I did this test late in the evening so the shift was almost over and I could flee to my resting place, 32 oz of water and healthy stuff.

So I am sure I will have more thoughts on this to share in the future. I have a coach who lost over 100 lbs herself and her husband lost 130 lbs so we shall see where this goes. Yes the doctor is aware ... remember always make sure your doctor is aware and agrees with your choice of action before starting it if you have conditions that have to be monitored.

But for now ... I keep watching my carbs and staying away from sugar.

In case you wondered

Neurologist told me they could not find my brain. He was totally serious and that made me stop in my tracks. This man does not joke around ... or does he. Is that the twitch of a corner of the mouth there. Thank God. I knew I had a brain, unless this is the afterlife?

Somewhat clean bill of health. Concern was rendered about these little headaches that come and almost incapacitate me but are gone in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes. We are looking for a trigger and going to rule things out.

Got another years worth of stroke medicine scripts and a free month supply ... nice, cos this is the expensive stuff.

Plus in 5 minutes and with a safety pin he gave me the diagnosis of carpal tunnel, without the $900 test that the other doctors insisted that I run. Gave me one simple exercise to work on to hopefully make some of this go away. If not we will cross that bridge together. (Well actually he said I could go first in case there were any trolls that wanted a toll ... I am seeing another side of this wise old man).

So now I move onward with changing lifestyles, loss and gain, hope and a smile on my face for I have life, my wonderful families love and some of the greatest friends a simple boy from the countryside in England could have ever wanted when he grew up.



Peace and love.

3 months already???

Quarterly checkup today … yep another 3 months gone on by and blood work pulled last week. Actually it was a little bit on the scary side as the blood was pulled the day after I had a scare with blood loss. I guess that I am really aware when I lose blood now as I am on an anti-coagulant and will be for life. With that when I have an opportunity to lose blood I have an opportunity to lose lots of blood. Scary.

But got to sit down with the doctor today and go over my results. Talk about what has happened in the last couple of months, what is going on but today I was impressed. When I mentioned one of my concerns he counter offered with an option to write a prescription for a muscle relaxer (just 10). I countered with the fact that even though some people may think that I take choose to take hard core drugs when things are bad I do not.

Now let me step to the side and quantify that last statement above. Yes, if you would have asked me in the early 90’s or in 2005 if I took the strongest medicines I could get my hands on I would say yes. The 90’s my sinuses were so screwed up and the pain was intense. I popped pain pills like nobody’s business. In 2005 the ruptured disc in my back [done in 1988] finally shifted and sawed the heck out of the left leg nerve bundle. To sleep, I literally had to stand in the corner of the room and lean on my right shoulder. That was horrible. When they offered to shoot my spine up with pain drugs, even though I could have been paralyzed for life, I did not hesitate to say PLEASE!

So I had countered with the fact that I know I have done things in the past that have stressed my kidneys and liver out. I really have been working on eliminating drugs and have gone from 7 daily meds to 5 and cut two of them in half, as far as strength goes, and do not want to add more. I like life. So he countered with almost an hour of going over each level of what he tested in the blood work, comparison to what he has on record for me since 2007 and well showed me why he suggest what he suggests and why he listens to me when I counter.

That kind of relationship is hard to come by in the medical profession. To be able to interact with a doctor that has a prescribed amount of patients to meet due to insurance companies. To have a doctor tell you that you are wrong and justify it. To have him say that he is wrong and this is why he thinks I am right. No ego there. Just open talk. Someone who I am not fearful of discussing concerns with of any type nor will he be fearful of telling me the honest truth from where he sits. He will not prescribe medicine without cause and I especially like that he will not prescribe antibiotics for those things that do not need them. (i.e. we discussed today how people request antibiotics for colds and colds are viruses … antibiotics work on bacteria … thus why? … because advertising scares people into wanting what they do not need)

This discussion today highlighted the 2 levels of study done on the kidneys and their ability to be active and filter what needs to be filtered. I am well within the norms. The liver. Well within the norm. Blood sugar levels. Have been borderline for 3 years but I have maintained or decreased that. Further weight loss will be the key here to make them back off from the edge of being pre-diabetic. The blood cells themselves are in great shape. Right count in the number of blood cells which countered a thought that I might have had so much blood loss due to bleeding ulcer (not good for someone on anti-coagulant). No anemia. No deficiencies in all levels tested. Cholesterol remains great at 155. But more importantly it raised only due to the fact that my HDL went from 36 to 46. Phew. That lower than 40 number is not good at all for HDL. Now it is getting closer to where I would be happy but the doc is overjoyed that in 3 months I could move it 10 points.

So now we maintain and improve. I had my flu shot. I declined the muscle relaxant. Continued with the nasal steroid as the allergy season is intense upon us here in north Texas. Acknowledged that I have been at plateau too long at this weight and need to focus on moving that needle in the get off pre-diabetes watch list.Continue to watch what I eat, work on paying attention more to my bodies indicators and most poignantly from my doctor ... enjoy life.

Cardiologist

So yesterday morning, at like the edge of the witching hour in the morning, I remembered that Sarah had called me at work (the end of last week) and said Dr. Malik had called her to let me know that my appointment had been moved to Tuesday morning. I never wrote that down so I am shocked at 2 in the morning I woke up and remembered. Although I thought 10:30 ... showed up at 9:55 and it was supposed to be 9:30. OOPS!

Had no idea why my heart doctor needed me there and neither did they. Eventually after much prodding and probing into the books we determined that it was just the annual follow up. Hmmm have catheters and what not shoved in arteries, scoping out right ventricles and atrium, checking the passageways trying to find a PFO that contributed to the strokes, never to be found and guess what you have a specialist in your world for life. Yippee.

EKG was done with some really cool sticky things that actually had a little tab on them so when my nurse was done she just pulled that tab and they released. She did not have to shave parts of my torso - thank God cos that ends up itching like the dickens and I really do not want to be scratching the torso at Tammy's family reunion when lots of these people will be meeting me for the first time (oh the pressure of that but I am not going there ... yet). But that was so cool.

So EKG showed that I am still an abnormal but normal person. Essentially the same abnormalities in my readings that have existed over a few but show nothing abnormal in the operation of my heart are just all the same as they have been and will be. Huh? Yeah that is what I think.

Heart sounds - okie dokie.
Lung sounds - okie dokie.
Artery sounds - okie duh dokie.
Extremity blood flow - peachy. (hmmm never thought of red blood as peachy but OK)

So I check out. Continue to lose weight, exercise, control cholestrol and get a stress test. I look at him and say "I work - is that not enough" Just kidding doc I have had those and I know. See you in a year.

Well that was nice. I think. Then again I assumed that my heart was still beating as I am still here. :)

Monday

We live in a world of realities and potentials. With those come emotions, hopes, desires and knowledge. Knowledge that sometimes has a time line to be worked with and sometimes happens so abruptly the thought processes that you can use to deal with the situations are harshly compressed and emotions can become overwhelming.

Being a person who craves control I have learned processes that can help me. I have a fear of flying which is actually a fear of not being in control of my destiny. Am I ever truly in control of my destiny .. no. It is blind faith, understanding and hope that drives us forward. How do I deal with that fear of flying? I give it over to someone else on take off. The day before I always ask if it will be ok to travel and allow myself to listen to the answer. Sound insane? No. It is just faith that if I was not supposed to be doing this there would be some indication. Then it is all acceptance. On the runway I wait patiently for take off and as soon as the wheels leave the runway I follow my beliefs ... sign of the cross, a brief kiss to the hand and I offer the journey I am about to take into Your hands. Done. It is no longer mine to be concerned with. Whatever will happen will happen. (For me this works as for a while there I was traveling a good 8000 miles in the air two to three times a year.)

When one of the incidents that began this blog happened I had been in the hospital overnight for observation and had been told I was going to be released in the morning. Come the early morning hours and all of a sudden I was told they had to get into my heart, I had a heart attack, they may have to do surgery, stints..and this and that and then the whole this is the fatality level of this and my reality went from calm acceptance to spiraling out of control in mere moments. Sign this, sign that ... you are going to go at this time and I need to reach out to my parents. While I am still trying to wrap my head around the issue with my father it becomes a "well we can go no, we have an opening." I don't even get to fully finish the thoughts and have yet to come to terms with my world heading upside down. This is fear to me. They had to put me out due to the fact that every time I started to process something they were throwing something new at me. I could not grab a hold of reality.

Fear to me then is not being able to process a situation undergoing change and not realizing what the realities and potentials are. Once I can process and clearly think the fears go away ... as acceptance of the realities I can control and the realities I cannot become apparent. Do I have fears? Yes I do. I have a fear of flying and a fear of small enclosed spaces/being trapped. Both of those are related to sense that I need to control some aspect of my world and in the case of both I deal with it. I ride an elevator two to three times daily at work, I fly to get to places I need to go but they are still fears. I have a fear of poisonous animals (spiders especially) but I think that is healthy and potentially out of not understanding these animals.

This evening I am going through the phases. Monday I face the oral surgeon. I have my two lower side and one upper side of my mouth having work done on them. There will be pain and I am aware of that. I accept that. There was a form back in December that I had to sign about how this can lead to breaking of jaws ... etc etc ... the statistics that legal cases have forced upon every person that has to go through this. I have not taken my stroke medicine today and started an antibiotic. Why? To alleviate bleed out due to the anticoagulant and when you have had something happen with your heart it is always best to start an antibiotic when doing something with the mouth.

The fear phase has come and gone this evening. Once you understand what fear is and have time to rationally deal with it you can move on. The reality phase is in place right now. It is less than 10 hours until the ability to feel my face disappears. These are events that need to be done. They will lead to a later series of events but this is the only one to deal with now. Now it is the processing of thoughts that are going through my head that say "before you can longer speak clearly ask these questions." We have probably all seen Bill Cosby's skit about the dentist and that is just one side that is being numbed. It is pretty much all of my face. Not going to be pretty and speaking ... well I am not trying that.

So shortly I will go to bed. Monday morning is one of my mass days. At church I will say my prayers for my friend's grandmother, for the safe passage through this world for my mother, father, brothers and their families, my beloved - that her challenges right now have light shone upon direction and solutions, that her children be taken care of, the rest of my extended family is taken care of, that my co-workers who are all facing challenges continue to prosper, that my friends in the cyber world whom I have never met find their peace and that I offer the journey I am about to take into Your hands.

This is my cycle. Tomorrow I go through another phase of change and later this year I am sure I will have to go through another. It is the reality of whom I am. A person who lived the life without much thought of caring about himself and now is changing back the hands of time for just a little more time here to experience love and a true appreciation for what this life is. 

Accept the fears. Realize what they are and that which you cannot control. Give away the ones you cannot control and life gets better.

Peace my friends.

Eye see

Well it is one of those trips that I had been putting off. The trip to the optometrist. But all in all not a bad adventure today. I had no appointment but like the fact that I impulsively cleaned the grout lines and washed the fan blades today I walked on in and said help. Kara Nguyen is a really nice lady and her team was great. I was really appreciating all the information she was giving me until the glaucoma test. The solution and then the yellow dye and they still freaking burn hours later.

But I did the extra testing they have that is electronic and shows peripheral vision loss. She strongly advised it due to the strokes and it may have been and extra $25 but the end result is absolutely no vision loss in that area. Actually I had one false positive response and I knew it as it happened and pointed it out. Thus another 100 for Philip. I am wondering if I should get another A on my report card for that one.

Kara did give me some rather interesting information about what happens to the eye after 40 and the hardening of the lens within the eye. Thus the need for bifocals for some and she sees that in my future but today it was still that my lenses were changing in prescription but I pretty much still need to only wear them for driving and maybe watching a movie in the theater or some function in a large hall where the stage is far away. I knew that the prescription needed to be adjusted but I am glad that for right now I do not need anything for reading.

She also walked through the fact that the eyes can also have a stroke and I did not know that. That the eye can have its own stroke. But she thought I should know in light of what I have gone through. I need to read up more on that one.

So glasses ordered and should be in the first part of next week. Thus my eyes can continue to see.

Follow ups

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Last night the lightning and then the storms kept me up until well after 2 am....then a short nap before the day of doctors started.

First my sleep doctor. Well everything checks out. I have gone from stopping breathing...what was it like 69 times and hour while sleeping to 3.4 times per hour. My leak readings is in the moderate range which is when I move some times at night I may pull the mask to where it is not pushing all the air into my nasal passages and may be spilling over the side of my face. It was not the high end and to be expected with someone learning the mask. I got the low down on every 6 months get a new mask. A pat on the back for doing a great job and then ... we will see you in a year.

Yahoo. One down and all is well.

Mum and dad show up but no Great Dane. I was actually kinda looking forward to having Venus around but it would have made it hard for us to do some things over the course of the day as to leaving her in a strange place by herself is probably not the best of intentions.

So lunch, take my really powerful Xanax and off to see the wizard. The wizard of the open MRI that is. I have done the tube one and that put me over the edge....I literally tried to crawl out of that one and had to be talked down from the ledge. Now the first time I went into an open MRI in 2006 to have my brain scanned when I was having serious migraines I flipped. I was doing OK until they put that mask over my face....then I lost it. One word - claustrophobia.

I had to be seriously drugged up to have that done the next day. **an aside....funny I can hear my dad snoring and that is actually a beautiful sound** Then when I had the MRI done here when they found the strokes had happened I had been given I was given some serious tablets of Xanax from my doctor and had to take all 3 to make it through.

But you know today, well my parents were there which is always good grounding for me, and I only took the .5mg Xanax and it seemed OK. I think the repetitiveness of this, the fact that I have lost weight and no longer have my gut touching the top wall (I could only get it to brush it if I really took one of those fill every crevice of you body deep breaths) and I even opened my eyes. Plus the contrast stick went well. Last time I think the one guy stabbed me 9 times and then the contrast did not flow like they wanted. So maybe next week by Wednesday/Thursday I will get the results and well all we can do is learn and live....learn and live.

Peace

What time was my appointment?

What time is that appointment? 10:15 am. But I do not have that on paper anywhere so I assume I could be wrong and go in at 10. Plus that is me, always wanting to be just a little bit early to any appointment. Why do I do that to myself? I think I learned from the people I grew up with, my friends, who were almost always late. I did not like that.

Regardless I am there and waiting, and waiting and …. well why is there a desolate desert wall mural on the wall I have been staring at for 1.5 hours? There is not a drop of water in site, no sign of redemption, no second chance here with the lizards, cactus and sidewinder snakes. Why does this take up the whole wall of this office? A heart hospital of all places.

I digress. Finally at noon I am called back. I had already discovered that my appointment was at 10:45 so that was my bad anyhow. And then I get my 10 minutes with Dr. Malik.

At the TEE he gave his initial findings – nothing – knowing full well that I would have no freaking memory of that. Knowing that the drugs would have made my mind mush but he always does that. I remembered enough to know that he found nothing and not to take the meds for the following week surgery. Then he takes the results back and has a couple of weeks to make sure nothing was missed (I am sure his interns do this).

This in depth study found – nothing. Was that a surprise? To me it was not. There are no holes that are of normal or abnormal size. There is evidence that there is a hole but that is not supported by there actually being one there. Thus I fall into the less than 1% of the people with a hole in their heart whose hole is wholly confounding the field of medicine by not being a whole hole that can be found by normal means. Rather my hole is masquerading as a heart.

“Why are you looking frustrated?” “Well a hole could have been wholly closed and this whole nightmare could have had a resolution with my heart being whole again.” “But this is good news!” “Why?” “Well we do not have to do the surgery and with medication you should be OK.”

Notice the “should be” OK. So we discussed that. In all reality I may have another stroke. If I take my medicine, lose weight, control blood pressure, exercise and live healthy there is a huge possibility I may not have another one. But if I do? Well at that point I would need to go to Dr. Malik right away and the book would be thrown aside for this … and a right-sided cardiac catheterization would be performed.

Definition:

Cardiac catheterization (also called heart catheterization) is a diagnostic procedure which does a comprehensive examination of how the heart and its blood vessels function. One or more catheters is inserted through a peripheral blood vessel in the arm (antecubital artery or vein) or leg (femoral artery or vein) with x-ray guidance. This procedure gathers information such as adequacy of blood supply through the coronary arteries, blood pressures, blood flow throughout chambers of the heart, collection of blood samples, and x rays of the heart's ventricles or arteries.

A test that can be performed on either side of the heart, cardiac catheterization checks for different functions in both the left and right sides. When testing the heart's right side, tricuspid and pulmonary valve function are evaluated, in addition to measuring pressures of and collecting blood samples from the right atrium, ventricle, and pulmonary artery.

What is key to me here is this:

1. Cardiac catheterization is categorized as an "invasive" procedure which involves the heart, its valves, and coronary arteries.
2. Dr. Malik has done this procedure once (1) yes once. He would actually be looking at the wall of my heart on the right side and testing it, probing it, looking for this elusive hole.

This pretty much makes the decision a clean cut one for me. Thus I followed up with two questions:

1. What else did the TEE show? -- Nothing abnormal. He could actually see everything and I have a normal heart.
2. Last time I was here you said the following “it is not a matter of if you have another stroke but when” --That was when he was working off of the assumption that led him to believe there was a large (respectively speaking) hole in my heart. With the findings it is now, in his opinion, “if you have another stroke”.

So I think and ask a question that was not on my list but I have been thinking about.

This is all with the assumption that I take this Aggrenox every day for the rest of my life – correct? Well what are the long term affects on other parts of my body?

The answer to this is that it is something I will always have to be aware of – internal bleeding in events of extreme trauma, that it will take longer for wounds to stop bleeding and I need to avoid bleeding ulcers.

So that about sums this visit up. I have to go to my neurologist next month and see what he says. I have an appointment with Dr. Malik a year from now and I trudge merrily along making myself right again in the sometimes surreal world that has become mine.

The Good, the Bad and the REALITY

There is a story in progress here....hold on folks....

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Well I am going to hold on to the good and go from here but this was today.

Check in at 9:30 (efficient). Almost as soon as I get finished on the 9000 page history and questionnaire I am off into the Cath lab. Storms are churning up the city and I am just thinking "peachy". Shelli is my nurse and she has the same level of insanity that I have thus we get along just fine.

Chest shaved - ekg hooked up. Wrist shaved - IV plugged in. All is well and moving along and they let mum come on back. Then we wait for Dr Malik. ....and wait....and wait.....

"Just peachy" I think.

Finally found out that he is running an hour late. Complications begin to arise within the Cath lab and well they have to move me. To the pre-actual Cath lab area. I was just in the Cath lab prep and recovery room.

Now Dr. Malik is downstairs eating. Which is fine by Shelli and I because we would prefer a happy doctor. I think about the fact that he is eating before me and my tummy rumbles even louder. "Just peachy"

There is the man of the hours. Cool. Sprays my throat with the numbing juice. Swallow. Repeat. He warns me that is the second to the worst part of this procedure.

"Finestkind" I think.

Now they put the plug in my mouth and strap around the head. Then Shelli hits me with the cocktail. I am asked if I am feeling sleepy yet. Nope. Hit him again. Feeling anything yet. Nope.

OK lets start. Tube inserted into mouth and I am asked to swallow. That was the worst part. I think it was when it hit the bend around the back of the throat. Good news is I can breathe fine and that was honestly my biggest concern about this.

I watch as they perform the procedure. Watching the electrocardiogram screen and coughing when asked...they are shooting the micro bubbles of air into the IV.

Am I supposed to be asleep. I know I am not fully lucid for even now the thoughts about this I realize are disjointed. I came and went. When it was finished I heard Dr. Mailk say something to Shelli and she said my mother was there (she was not allowed back here).

Next think I know is that Dr. Malik is telling me that they did not find a hole. I know I asked questions and he answered. I know he said about an different type of procedure. My mother later fills in the fact that he was saying that there is still a possibility that there is a hole there and it is either really small of the flap is on the right side and just opens under the most perfect of conditions. Conditions that include those that allowed the clots to come over and give me a stroke.

He told me (once again not totally lucid) that it is a chance that with the medicine there may not ever be a problem again. But there is also another procedure where they do the electrocardiogram from within the heart. They go in with a tiny probe through the vein or artery and that gives them an inside picture.

Once again I remember bits and pieces of this. I have to call his office tomorrow to set up an appointment. "just peachy and finestkind"!

So surgery for the 19th is off the table. Not going to happen.

Shelli could not figure out why I just lay there tapping my oxygen sensor finger on the hospital bed rail. What is up?

"Well I am relieved that there is no surgery next week." "But what?" "Well this was the reason why I had the strokes and this was the procedure that reduces the inevitability of them happening again." "Oh." "Yeah, now I have to keep looking as to is this the possibility or is there something else."

She left me alone for an hour and I think I came and went out of lucidity. But I realize that this is one step forward and one issue that has been addressed and for now that is all I can ask.

I have a direction and that is forward. I am making and have been making the necessary changes in my life. I cannot change what has happened but I can undo the damages done and live again.

I need to talk to the Dr. tomorrow and get more information. I need to hear this when I am lucid.

I need to thank everyone for the good wishes, prayers and positive energy. No surgery next Friday and that is a serious load off of my shoulders and some off yours. Now we just keep on working together to get well, get fit, get leaner and have fun every single day.

See ya.

It is becoming a time when I need to shift priorities. I care more about my job than those around me and that frustrates me. Why do I strive to be as good as I can and do what the business needs where others do not try?

Found out today that they are going to literally put me under but not out on Thursday. Leave that to the last minute to tell me. So here I go with no time to find out how to ge the required ride home at this last minute change and my family once again steps up and hits a winning run. God bless my family for they are mine and they are excellent people.

Now that is taken care of and Corpus is truly out of the equation for this weekend. I sadly feel slightly better knowing with what they are going to do that I will be partially sedated .... enough to not want to run screaming from the room.

Saw my doc this morning and had blood pulled. It is all good. All good. Well I don't have the results yet but talking to my doctor can be a calming event. He actually told me he was extremely proud of the progress I am making with losing weight and all. We are going to have to push the second MRI until after the surgery has passed and I am healed up a bit. That is alright....not my favorite thing in the world.

Well we will have to see how it goes on Thursday.

Did I eat well again today.

Breakfast: Sausage biscuit
Lunch: pretzel chips and roasted pepper hummus
Dinner: salad with 2 oz of chicken, walnuts, raisins and goat cheese
Snack: key lime probiotic yogurt

Exercise: 1.25 miles on the treadmill at a 2.5 mile rate - 30 min burning approx 330 calories and traveled at total of 6887 steps today. (last weeks average without Sat figures was 5000 steps so this is almost 7000 steps 2 days in a row)

Right - top of the morning to you all. G'd night!