Consistency

I did not want to post that I was back in the gym until I was doing it with consistency. That is now.

Time to really shed some more pounds.

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Cardiologist

So yesterday morning, at like the edge of the witching hour in the morning, I remembered that Sarah had called me at work (the end of last week) and said Dr. Malik had called her to let me know that my appointment had been moved to Tuesday morning. I never wrote that down so I am shocked at 2 in the morning I woke up and remembered. Although I thought 10:30 ... showed up at 9:55 and it was supposed to be 9:30. OOPS!

Had no idea why my heart doctor needed me there and neither did they. Eventually after much prodding and probing into the books we determined that it was just the annual follow up. Hmmm have catheters and what not shoved in arteries, scoping out right ventricles and atrium, checking the passageways trying to find a PFO that contributed to the strokes, never to be found and guess what you have a specialist in your world for life. Yippee.

EKG was done with some really cool sticky things that actually had a little tab on them so when my nurse was done she just pulled that tab and they released. She did not have to shave parts of my torso - thank God cos that ends up itching like the dickens and I really do not want to be scratching the torso at Tammy's family reunion when lots of these people will be meeting me for the first time (oh the pressure of that but I am not going there ... yet). But that was so cool.

So EKG showed that I am still an abnormal but normal person. Essentially the same abnormalities in my readings that have existed over a few but show nothing abnormal in the operation of my heart are just all the same as they have been and will be. Huh? Yeah that is what I think.

Heart sounds - okie dokie.
Lung sounds - okie dokie.
Artery sounds - okie duh dokie.
Extremity blood flow - peachy. (hmmm never thought of red blood as peachy but OK)

So I check out. Continue to lose weight, exercise, control cholestrol and get a stress test. I look at him and say "I work - is that not enough" Just kidding doc I have had those and I know. See you in a year.

Well that was nice. I think. Then again I assumed that my heart was still beating as I am still here. :)

Crutch

There are days were we go through the status quo and there are days were there is epiphany after epiphany. Today was a day of examination and resulted in realization ... an epiphany.

Tomorrow starts a contest that I am totally excited about. I know I mentioned it as it is a two person challenge with success measured on many levels with the foremost being weight loss. I needed this. I posted those pictures. I don't see myself like that and I was mortified. So this is great ... timing is right, photo's timing was right and then I got scared. What if I fail?

Well that is why there is really no failure built into this contest, Philip. Oh that is right. If someone gets to their goal before the end of the 75 days then guess what they win. If they do not then it is the one closest and the grand prize is based upon self evaluation of ourselves and each other. Cool.

So before the day ended I went to McDonalds. I ordered a bacon and cheese angus burger as it will be my last little bite of fast food for quite some time (maybe longer if I am able to do what I expect to do). As I was driving to work with this horrible meal besides me I flashed back in time. I think my subconscious had been tackling why did I get fat for some time. I have always known that I have this crutch to blame it on, but I know that I should not.

You see in 1988 I was a brilliantly stupid college kid, underage drinking, smoking and over extending everything from bank accounts, credit lines and not sleeping. I was doing some crazy decathlon sports event on campus and had gone from rugby, to basketball and was now on the racquetball court when it happened. I blew out my L5 disc. Pain was incredible. Next day paralysis of the left leg. Diagnostic clinic. Confined bed rest, flat on back, supposedly on a wooden board. Those were the days.

Then after time I was supposed to go therapy. I went once maybe twice and I said no way ... I can do this myself. Cocky little bastard I was back then thought I knew it all. But that was the beginning of my lethargy. My excuse was pain and pain I have lived with for 22 years. But it is how you live with it. I have used it as a crutch for 20 of those 22 years. I have lost weight remarkably well once and then last year with the strokes started on an amazing recovery path.

But I fell and broke my elbow at the beginning of the year and that became a crutch. I managed to maintain the weight loss due to purely not wanting to eat as much as I used to but also by using lent as a reason to change eating habits. But the elbow was a crutch. Thus I badly needed to refocus and gain back the momentum I had before. I needed to stop seeing food as comfort and more as a source of life. A source that cannot be abused by me as it can give life and take life if used poorly.

So I was flashing back to realize from where I had come, how I had allowed myself to become the whale of a man and refocus on the continued repairing, learning and living of the new me. So in about 12 hours I will weigh myself on a rather inaccurate scale in my house but that is OK. It is a basis of my measurement as I will use the same scale over and over again for the next 10.5 weeks and once a week share the weight with my Tammy. But in about 12 hours the focus and intensity starts again, the crutches are discarded and I move forward again.

For me. For Tammy and our life together. For my family. For my friends. For you.

If you have a crutch in your world find it, look at it, examine it and learn from it. Then when you are ready and only when you are ready let that crutch fall to the wayside, chop it up as kindling and burn it, allow mother nature reclaim it and move forward in your sense of whom you are now and not whom you have been.

My goal is 25 lbs in 75 days (personally I am shooting for 30). Let me see what I can accomplish.

Namaste

A tale of two trees

OK that is me. Me. No not the tree on the right side of the picture the other tree on the left side wearing blue. WOW was that a wake up call. I thank my beloved for taking pictures for a change with me in them.

I am still huge. Well that is how I see myself when I look at those pictures. You know I don't see this when I look in the mirror. I don't see this when I look at myself and I needed to see this. I need to have the issue reinforced that I look like I am wearing a tent cos I am.

Oh well.

Good news is that Tammy and I have a little friendly challenge going on from the 15th of April to the 30th of June. I need this. She wants to shed a wee bit and I need to keep losing ... losing ... losing. Now I have motivation. A little contest. We both win for getting a little bit healthier. I win for dealing with the continued weight loss after the strokes, she wins as she gets her goal accomplished. We have a little friendly wager on prizes and if we are both diligent, and we both agree that we have been diligent, then a weekend getaway in July.

Let me see. FAT like me in the photo's horrifying. Lose some weight with my wonderful love and we both get more fit, a little wager and weekend together. Hmmm I vote for less of me in a picture of us both together on a getaway weekend. Sounds good to me.

But I am sharing the pictures of me as this is me today, 12th of April, 2010. I have gone quite a way but I have quite a way to go.

I am so looking forward to this little challenge. In reality I just want to be in the lower 200's again and that is 100+ lbs away.

Hello me ... say goodbye to this me.

Oh and baby ... don't stop taking photos of me because of this post. I need this. I need to be reminded of who I am and who I am becoming from the perspective of others.

(oh the wonderful 6 year old in the pictures with me is Elizabeth. I love her spunk. She reminds me of someone I know :)

Me brudda

So I have to share....down another 4.2 lbs he is. There may be more of us to love but it is shrinking weekly on both of us. Yeah for him. Check him out at Transformations!

Way to go little bro!!!!

Pathways to success

There is something to be said about exercise. I know at the moment I am only walking but it is refreshing to get out there and sweat for an hour or so. The only problem is that I am finding the walk that used to take me slightly over an hour and a half is now taking me an hour.

I know that stopped in almost the same places I usually stopped but it seems like I am going to have to add some backtracking or repeat part of the zoo. Hmmm. Then again I am exploring other places to walk. Botanical gardens, Trinity Park, the trails that run through the community behind me.

Good news is the Dr. said I had lost another 8 pounds since I last saw him and I have flirted with 382 on the scale recently. It is all good. :)

Shock....

OK I have a blooming headache that is driving me nuts. It is probably related to this weather but I don't have time to figure that out. I will ask the big neurologist tomorrow.

But I have to say...OMG. My jaw just hit the floor. So I do not have a scale...well let me change that...did not have a scale cos the ones at the stores don't normally go that high...weight wise. But now I do. Now I do.

Got the batteries for it today and got it going. Stood on it and I knew that could not be right...I must not be standing on it right. Stood on it again. OK it was not right but is this right. Three times I stood on it and the same number came up so it must be right.

388.0

I sat there and did the math really quick. Now I know that I started at 424.7 on March 3rd so that is 36.7. Almost 37 lbs in 57 days. Average is around what 4 lbs shed a week. OMG.

This explains why the dress shirts are fitting again and why the ties are coming out of the closet and why I have to wear a belt now!

I am giving myself a pat on the back :)

Weighing in

March 3rd -- 424.7 lbs
April 21st -- 397.8 lbs

This is a change without exercise. Today I was given the green light to start back up again. 10 minutes of walking, if I can handle that 15, 20, etc. If I want to start working out in the gym again I was also given the go ahead I just have to stop at the moment I feel any pain in my back.

So I walked for my 10 minutes this morning and felt good.

Baby steps...right...that is how I eat an elephant...right?

Why the food?

Well I am a big guy. I mean big. There are two big things that my neurologist wants me to do.

1. Lose weight.

2. Get my LDL below 100.

Only two things. I have fought with the battle of weight for some time. March 3rd was the heaviest I have ever been. 424 lbs. That is a lot for all of my body to deal with. I have gotten down to 300 lbs but this is ridiculous. I started making changes before then but on the 6th I looked at deaths door and then my worst fear was made real. I have to change it or I will die soon.

I have to repair myself - for myself, my family and friends. I will not go out this way. When I was weighed with my jeans on at the sleep clinic on April 3rd I was at 407 lbs. I have taken it down that much one month. I can do this. I will do this and I am grateful for the opportunity to do this.