Got Three Minutes?

Right ... the language in this video is NSFW but this is so freaking awesome because at the University of Saint Thomas in Modern Philosophy I think we spent a good 4 weeks on freaking Descartes.

"Three Minute Philosophy" has a handful more from Galileo to Plato (a favorite) to Epicurus and more. Yes I still have books on Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. I am a geek and I admit it.

Walking story

It is always "well if you have ever walked in my shoes" or "be in my shoes" but who really wants to walk or be in someone else shoes. I know I am particular about shoes but I guess when I had a grandfather who worked in a shoe factory in Norwich for 50 years and I managed two Stride Rite shoes stores for a handful of years you get to know them really well.

These were a gift from my father in 2008 before blazing through the mountains in Oklahoma. I truly do love these hiking shoes are they have another year in them. Hmm the outer tread is getting low but they have been great to me.

Knowing shoes I know that for exercise I needed good support. These are also aging and desperately need an upgrade but for now I will keep moving along with them. I also have an older version of these that are good for yard work and that is about it nowadays. But I live in an apartment and have no yard so they are good junk shoes for when I just need something that I don't mind trashing around in.

These are brand new. Just got them today. Let me tell you a story. When I was going through all my bills and working with my wife/brother/accountant (well he is my brother, can be like a wife cos he is my unpaid accountant - although in conversations at the beginning of the month he did mention the interest rate he is charging me is compounding in a unique way - well I am digressing) I discovered a gift card for Sears of all places. Why? I thought about it for a while.

As most of you know last year I had a girlfriend, who had a house, in another town, with three little girls. The house needed help and at one point the general course of my life would have had me down there at this point of this year. Alas she left (probably smart as I would have not moved with the promotion I received and would have ended the relationship then) but I had asked for gift cards to places for things for the house (windows, doors, appliances, etc) and I think this must have been one.

So I checked if anyone needed it. Nope. Saw a Sears flyer in the paper at work last week that showed all their shoes on sale so I went and got some sandals. I had been wanting another pair. The Birkenstocks I had in Hawaii finally died when I moved to Corpus Christi and so it has been about 8 years without any. I like these as I have narrow heels so the cinch strap around the back can help in that area.

I know this subject is completely off the wall but maybe not so much. We live and learn and live some more. I have been thinking about love recently. I loved someone last year as a lover - I needed that. I needed someone to defrost my heart and make me realize some things. Realize that there was/is more in me that is broken that needs to be repaired.

So as I walked through the past two years of my life I realize that what I found in love last year I have in love right now but of a kind that is not a lover but a friend. One of those intimate moments of realization that for a person who is not yourself you would do anything for. Love exists on so many levels ... if you believe in a higher power or purpose you know of that unconditional love.

If you are married you know of that love that spirals around the two of you and can be found on personal, companionship and intimate levels. If you are intimate with someone you know of that passion that may be rooted more in lust but is a level of love.

There is family love .. a bond that makes a mother and brother spend time in the hospital while another goes through surgery and the mother stops and listens at your door during the night to hear you breathing before returning to bed. That bond is strong ... can be stubborn, can bend and break sometimes but often heals as it is the love that connects a common thread of genes.

The walk of exploration in my mind this week and last has been a realization roller coaster and I discovered the love of close friendship that for me is something precious. It is a great realization as I have feared loneliness for many years but accepted it as a necessary partner and maybe I am learning that it is not necessary.

So even though the temperature may drop back into the 30s tonight (thank you) from the mid 80s (I got a freaking sunburn today) I will slip on my sandals and keep walking, exploring, learning, repairing, learning, living and loving some more.

Good night.

Spicy Quiche

Spicy Quiche (my variation on a sausage quiche recipe)
 
1 pound beef, browned
8 ounces cheddar cheese, shredded (I used a spicy cheese blend with jalapenos)
6 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
dash pepper
1 cup heavy cream 

Put the beef in the bottom of a large pie plate, needs to be a nice deep pie plate. Top with the cheese, I only used about 6 oz as my pie plate is shallow (jalapenos if you want them). Beat the eggs, salt and pepper, then beat in the cream. Slowly pour the egg mixture evenly over the beef  and cheese. 

Bake at 350º for 35-45 minutes until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. 

Let stand about 10 minutes before cutting. 

6-8 servings:
Per 1/6 Recipe: 607 Calories; 52g Fat; 31g Protein; 3g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 3g Net Carbs
Per 1/8 Recipe: 455 Calories; 39g Fat; 23g Protein; 2g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 2g Net Carbs.

I served myself my 6th of the quiche with a spinach/herb salad, a dollop of sour cream and a dash of wonderful Tabasco sauce.  It was totally wonderful. Leftovers in the fridge for lunch with salad Thursday and Friday at work and one half frozen for later in the week or beginning of next week. 

All about choice

Will I eat pasta? From time to time possibly. Will I eat lots of bread like I used to? No I just can't do that anymore. Do I use sugar in coffee and tea? Not anymore.

Something I am learning. Limit those indulgences to really an extreme measure thus they become little morsels of total enjoyment, while making the right choices every day.

Will I still enjoy a piece of cake, cheese cake or pie? At times I will but I usually only chased them at special occasions anyhow so I am not missing much. What about chocolate? Sure I will have that - mainly dark with berries in it. Surprisingly I have found that dark chocolate with raspberries in the bar have much less carbs than just a plain dark chocolate bar. Now of course I, unlike my Uncle, can consume a chocolate bar over the course of a few days, he wolfs it down in 10 seconds.

I find that I am more satiated with proteins and vegetables. Above was last nights dinner after work. A thin steak cooked in a hot skillet (ended up being just over medium), celery, there are also carrots and a little mozzarella sun dried tomato combination. Very fulfilling and refreshing - I really like raw vegetables, or just slightly steamed.

These choices of protein and vegetables was what the nutritionist I had for a couple of months after the strokes taught me. It also matches what Krystal (who has brilliantly lost over 100 lbs) has shown me works in her lifestyle of low-carb. It is what I realize makes me feel so much better inside.

So it is all about choice. When faced with an option you choose. Do you choose something healthy that tastes great and is good for you or do you choose something that is not so healthy that tastes great and is probably not so good for you? I choose the first choice of great and healthy with a reality check that every once in a while I may need my mint chocolate chip ice cream single scoop (not double).

Good day to all.

People ask how do I learn

I listen ... I read ... I watch ... I think but one place I head to a lot as I have no TV is NPR. Love this little public radio rap called Good Radiation.



From the YouTube page ...

This song is for hard-core NPR fans who listen to hip-hop. So you 7 people: enjoy!

Featuring Jenna Sullivan

LYRICS:

I'm only gonna say this once so you better take notes
As you listen to the rhythms spinnin' out of my throat
I've got an NPR tat and an NPR tote
If you hate on that .... Just don't.
Ya see when morning edition starts up I listen
Awake, in my kitchen for every transmission
There's no competition -- There's nobody hotter
If hosts were magicians they'd be Dumbledore and Potter
So please, tease 'em, just give me a reason
You bet I'm on edge because its pledge drive season
I'm a demon on the mike so if you battle your beaten
I got a legion of lines and I'm gonna unleash em
Lyric'ly I'm diggin deep like 33 chilean miners
Got the heat like Inskeep or Linda Wertheimer
I'm fine, hot timin', rapid radio rhyming
Calling the shots like my name was Scott Simon
So this song goes out to all my member stations
With frequent f--f-f-frequency modulations
Innovation - each breath is an act of creation
Yeah my air's so fresh I'm the talk of the nation

CHORUS
Give me that good radiation
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying
On my mind when I'm driving home
Public Radio

You got radio waves? Well I'm a tsunami
Yeah I'm an addiction, You can't quit once you're on me
I'm coffee - wake up -- its weekend edition
Like tom and ray Magliozzi I turn the ignition
Nonfiction or fable I got diction like Sagal
A feast for the ears like The Splendid Table
I'm above average like one of Wobegon's kids
And now I'm gonna kick it like Ira Glass did
Act 1: Sedaris recalls his past
Act2: Mike Birbiglia has a good laugh
Act 3. Introspection from Starlee Kine
Act 4: WE BLOW YOUR MIND
My crew is small but unstoppable like Terry Gross
My tunes are witty and topical like Terry Gross
My rhymes are sharply intelligent like Terry Gross
OK so I'm in love with Terry Gross
And Renee Montagne and Lakshmi Singh
I want Carl Kassels voice on my answering machine
I'm an NPR addict, I've had it with the static
Change the station, lose my patience
Imma do something drastic

Give me that good radiation (not talkin bout x-rays)
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying (america!)
On my mind when I'm driving home (in my 2003 camry)
Public Radio

All things considered life is pretty awesome
I like my words the way Will Shortz crossed em
I recycle cans -- tryin not to toss 'em
My favorite place in Texas is the city of Austin
Well my (record with the ladies) Is not that great
(Got money in my pocket) Like a buck ninety eight
(On Saturday night) I don't stay out that late
But when I hit the mic, I communicate
The name is CADAMOLE
What's playin in my car Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
Even pledge drives can't repel me
Me and NPR are like PB and Jelly
We're like duracel, n we just don't stop
Round the world like Magellen, still on top
Robert, Michelle n Mellissa Block
Yeah, Norris hit the chorus gonna make it pop

Give me that good radiation (good radiation)
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying
On my mind when I'm driving home (I'd by a prius if I could afford it))

Learning and doing

So I spent a couple of weeks reading all and learning what I could about low-carb diets. How to do it right without damaging yourself. The reasons for and those reasons why people dislike it. I came to the conclusion that I have to try. I have to see as it pretty much mimics what my nutritionist, last year after the strokes, asked me to do and what I lost that first 75 lbs with. This allows dairy and more protein in my diet than the nutritionist had and that was one thing that I did miss.

First I purge the apartment of everything that I needed to eat and consume that would not work with this. I still have a few things and I kept sugar here for those visitors who prefer that in their tea or coffee. I still have not made it through one of those 5 lb bricks of sugar in what ... 4 years here. Amazing.

But last week was the first week and tomorrow will be my first week weigh in. I will see.
I have noticed that by looking at everything from bacon to salad dressings to marinara sauce it is hard to find something that does not have sugar in it. Sugar is, or should I say has become, a staple of this culture we live in. You have to look to find the things without it and of course, without and ingredient they cost more ... go figure.

But it is true, I feel, to say that we are addicted to this granular substance. I did well on meeting the goals this first week. I have the issues that many many people have when switching from a diet with carbs to a diet that has only 20 net carbs a day in it ... and I expected them. I was prepared for lack of energy as the body shifts from burning primarily carbohydrates (in the form of glucose) to burning fat (including the fat that is stored in your body) for energy. You are retraining a living organism and it will fight what it has become accustomed to over the years. But if this is the process that is finally forcing me to get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night I will take it.

Back to my thoughts on sugar ... I was tempted with piles of candy on Sunday night (Halloween) with all the little trick or treaters that showed up on the front porch, with costumes and amazingly polite happy attitudes. So I had a single ... little tootsie roll. Oh my goodness. Just 6 days without that sugar made me drool and the urge for more kicked in. It was both scary from a psychological and physiological point of view as it was amazing to realize that there was truth behind what I had been reading.

So I tested that hypothesis with the single tootsie roll at work today ... of course all the left overs were brought in. Once again I had been doing great all day long. Low carb bar for breakfast,  beef and broccoli for lunch, whey protein shake for snack, chicken with veggies for dinner and then the test. Wham ... one tootsie roll set the craving really high for all those candies all over the place. Thankfully I did this test late in the evening so the shift was almost over and I could flee to my resting place, 32 oz of water and healthy stuff.

So I am sure I will have more thoughts on this to share in the future. I have a coach who lost over 100 lbs herself and her husband lost 130 lbs so we shall see where this goes. Yes the doctor is aware ... remember always make sure your doctor is aware and agrees with your choice of action before starting it if you have conditions that have to be monitored.

But for now ... I keep watching my carbs and staying away from sugar.

Who should get the shot?

Time to get your flu shot, but just one this year

It's flu-shot season already, and for the first time health authorities are urging nearly everyone to get vaccinated. There is even a new high-dose version for people 65 or older.

What a difference a year makes: Crowds lined up for hours for scarce shots during last fall's swine flu pandemic, when infections peaked well before enough vaccine could be produced. This year, a record vaccine supply is expected — an all-in-one inoculation that now promises protection against that swine flu strain plus two other kinds of influenza.

Shipments began so early that drugstores are offering vaccinations amid their back-to-school sales.

But without last year's scare factor, the question is how many people will heed the new policy for near-universal vaccination. No more stopping to check if you're on a high-risk list: A yearly dose is recommended for virtually everyone except babies younger than 6 months — the shot isn't approved for tots that young — and people with severe allergies to the eggs used to brew it.
"Influenza is serious, and anyone, including healthy people, can get the flu and spread the flu," said Dr. Anne Schuchat of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Flu vaccines are the best way to protect yourself and those around you."

The CDC was moving toward that policy even before last year's pandemic brought home an inescapable fact: The flu virus doesn't just kill grandparents and babies and people with weak lungs or hearts, although they're particularly vulnerable. It also can kill healthy pregnant women and 30-somethings. And 5-year-olds.

"We were discussing how we were going to go get his Star Wars Halloween costume after he got out of the hospital ... and all of a sudden his eyes lost their focus," said Serese Marotta of Dayton, Ohio, describing for reporters how her son Joseph, 5, died of swine flu last October before vaccine was available in her community. She urged families to make vaccination a priority.

Here are some questions and answers about flu:

Q: I got vaccinated against both seasonal and that so-called H1N1 flu last year, so why do I need vaccine this year?

A: It protects against a different strain of the H3N2 influenza family that has cropped up, as well as last year's swine flu, part of the H1N1 family, and a Type B strain. Every year a different flu vaccine is brewed to match the constantly changing flu strains that circle the globe.

Q: Why is there a new high-dose version for seniors?

A: Your immune system weakens with age, so it doesn't respond as actively to a flu shot. Sanofi Pasteur's Fluzone High-Dose quadruples the standard dose for people 65 and older. This winter, scientists will track if that translates into less illness. Until that proof's in, the CDC says it's OK to choose either option.

Sanofi is finalizing how much to make, and availability may vary with location. For example, Dr. Marvin Bittner of the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Omaha estimates the new shot might benefit one in four seniors and said his center has ordered enough for that population, while other VA clinics aren't ordering as much.

Q: Will I need just one shot?

A: Most people will, but any children under 9 getting their first-ever flu vaccine will need two, a month apart, to prime their immune systems.

Q: What if my child's first-ever vaccine was last year and she got one dose of seasonal and one dose of swine flu vaccine?

A: She wasn't primed enough and needs her two doses this year, said Dr. Michael Brady of Nationwide Children's Hospital, who co-authored the American Academy of Pediatrics flu vaccination guidelines out Monday.

Q: Will there be enough vaccine?

A: Manufacturers project 170 million doses. Obviously that won't cover the entire population, but the CDC knows its near-universal vaccination policy won't spark a stampede for shots. Before last year, flu vaccine was recommended for 85 percent of Americans but only about a third got vaccinated. Last year nearly all 114 million doses of seasonal vaccine were used, but as the swine flu outbreak slowed, just 90 million doses of the special vaccine were used out of nearly 162 million eventually produced for the general public.

Q: Who's at high risk from flu?

A: Young children, anyone 50 or older, anyone with chronic medical conditions such as asthma or heart disease, pregnant women. Also, health workers and caregivers of infants can infect the vulnerable unless vaccinated.

Q: Who can use the nasal spray vaccine?

A: FluMist is for healthy people 2 to 49, no pregnancy or underlying health conditions.

Q: When should vaccination start?

A: Chain pharmacies already have started vaccinating; protection will last all winter. It takes about two weeks to kick in, and flu typically starts circulating around November.

Q: How do I know it's safe?

A: Unprecedented safety monitoring last year turned up no rare side effects from the special swine flu-only vaccine sold in the United States. "We're hoping a lot of the myths people had about the influenza vaccine may be a little bit less of a concern," said pediatrics specialist Brady. Abroad, a few reports of narcolepsy after a European swine flu vaccine are being probed; that vaccine didn't sell here. An Australian seasonal vaccine dosed for young children won't be sold here after being linked to some fever-related seizures in that country.

Q: Why should I bother since fewer people than usual died last year?

A: Last year's U.S. toll: about 12,000 deaths, 60 million illnesses and 265,000 hospitalizations. New CDC statistics last week suggest flu strain mortality varies widely, from 3,000 in an exceptionally mild year to 49,000 in a recent really bad one — and it's impossible to predict how bad each year will be.

This week from the National Stroke Association - Blood Thinner Awareness

Blood Thinners

Always some good information in what NSA puts out. This week was the link above that had this important information in it.

Possible Side Effects

When taking a blood thinner it is important to be aware of its possible side effects. Bleeding is the most common side effect.

Call your doctor immediately if you have any of the following signs of serious bleeding:

• Menstrual bleeding that is much heavier than normal.
• Red or brown urine.
• Bowel movements that are red or look like tar.
• Bleeding from the gums or nose that does not stop quickly.
• Vomit that is brown or bright red.
• Anything red in color that you cough up.
• Severe pain, such as a headache or stomachache.
• Unusual bruising.
• A cut that does not stop bleeding.
• A serious fall or bump on the head.
• Dizziness or weakness.

Some people who take a blood thinner may experience hair loss or skin rashes, but this is rare.


Stay Safe While Taking Your Blood Thinner

Call your doctor and go to the hospital immediately if you have had a bad fall or a hard bump, even if you are not bleeding. You can be bleeding but not see any blood. For example, if you fall and hit your head, bleeding can occur inside your skull. Or, if you hurt your arm during a fall and then notice a large purple bruise, this means you are bleeding under your skin.

Because you are taking a blood thinner, you should try not to hurt yourself and cause bleeding. You need to be careful when you use knives, scissors, razors, or any sharp object that can make you bleed.

You also need to avoid activities and sports that could cause injury. Swimming and walking are safe activities. If you would like to start a new activity that will increase the amount of exercise you get every day, talk to your doctor.

You can still do many things that you enjoy. If you like to work in the yard, you still can. Just be sure to wear sturdy shoes and gloves to protect yourself. Or, if you like to ride your bike, be sure you wear a helmet.

Tell others.

Keep a current list of all the medicines you take. Ask your doctor about whether you should wear a medical alert bracelet or necklace. If you are badly injured and unable to speak, the bracelet lets health care workers know that you are taking a blood thinner.

To prevent injury indoors:

• Be very careful using knives and scissors.
• Use an electric razor.
• Use a soft toothbrush.
• Use waxed dental floss.
• Do not use toothpicks.
• Wear shoes or non-skid slippers in the house.
• Be careful when you trim your toenails.
• Do not trim corns or calluses yourself.

To prevent injury outdoors:

• Always wear shoes.
• Wear gloves when using sharp tools.
• Avoid activities and sports that can easily hurt you.
• Wear gardening gloves when doing yard work.

Common Medical Conditions

If you have any of the following medical conditions or are at risk for having them, your doctor may have given you a prescription for a blood thinner. A blood thinner helps your blood flow more easily and lowers your risk for developing blood clots in your body.

Atrial fibrillation. Atrial fibrillation (A-tre-al fi-bri-LA-shun), a type of irregular heartbeat, is a fairly common heart disorder that you may or may not feel. Sometimes your heart will beat too fast or out of rhythm and may cause blood clots. Sometimes atrial fibrillation is also called A-fib.

Blood clots in the lung. A blood clot that forms in another part of your body, such as in your leg, can break loose and move through the blood to your lungs. The clot then gets stuck within a blood vessel that brings blood to the lungs (called a pulmonary embolism, PULL-mun-ary EM-bo-lizm). If the lungs cannot get enough blood, they will be damaged, and you could stop breathing.

Blood clots. Blood clots (DVT, deep vein thrombosis, throm-BO-sis) form in a vein. The veins deep inside your leg, especially the calf and thigh, are the most common areas where clots occur. Blood clots can lead to damage of the blood vessels in your leg and break loose and cause other organ damage.

Family history. Some people are more likely to get blood clots because of a family history. You may have a genetic condition that causes your blood to form potentially dangerous clots.

Heart attack. A heart attack is caused by a lack of blood supply to the heart. The lack of blood happens when one or more of the blood vessels pumping blood to the heart are blocked.

Heart valve disease. Heart valve disease is any problem in one or more of the four valves in the heart. Heart valves keep blood flowing in one direction. They act as a door that swings open, allowing blood to flow through the sections of the heart.

Heart valve replacement. There are many types of artificial valves that are used to replace your own heart valve. The material used to make these valves may cause blood to stick and form clots.

Stroke. A stroke is caused by a blood clot that blocks a blood vessel in the brain. This blockage cuts off the blood flow to a part of the brain and can cause problems with your speech, swallowing, or movement of different parts of your body. You may be at a higher risk for a stroke if you've had a heart attack.

Stroke ... Explained (a presentation from the National Stroke Association)

Understanding the medical side of stroke and prevention can be overwhelming, which is why National Stroke Association created our latest iHOPE Web presentation called Stroke…Explained. Watch it now!

Stroke…Explained discusses important medical aspects of stroke at the patient level. Topic expert Andrew D. Barreto, MD, goes into detail about how stroke occurs in the body, warning signs, how to prevent a primary and secondary stroke through risk factor management and treatments for stroke.

Watch and Listen to Stroke...Explained Now.

About iHOPE  

Over the past year, stroke survivors and caregivers have told us that they yearn for online resources to help with their stroke recovery. National Stroke Association has embraced this need and focused on creating tools that are easily accessible and convenient for you – from the comfort of your personal computer.

iHOPE is a series of Web presentations and "Ask the Experts" Q&A sessions that cover topics such as depression after stroke, how to deal with different types of pain and mobility problems and the importance of self-care for caregivers. It allows you to learn at your own pace and access information about stroke information specific to your personal needs. The goals are to provide inspiration, knowledge and hope to your recovery experience.

Direct link to the actually speaker/power point presentation is below:
https://stroke.ilinc.com/cgi-bin/ilinc/lms/recording_launch.pl?pvr_id=216501&session_id=tmvrxtc&JServSessionIdr004=u8v3uc08b2.app209b

Learning

 

Whatever it is that we are learning we are blazing a new course for ourselves. We can look behind us and see the pathway that we came into this knowledge on, but then we must look forward to where there may be a new pathway of discovery.

  

When you have a stroke or two you feel as if you are on the edge of the world for a while. That you do not work like everyone else. That your pathway has suddenly become, like that single line of footprints, apart from the norm. But really, in retrospect, you are given the opportunity to step outside of the norm and be both terrified and enlightened while watching what was considered normal happen all around you.

 

So learning provides a direction to travel. One may not know what is around the bend but when you have experienced some truly dark times in your life and have opened yourself up to experiencing, to learning and to living your life the bend in the future is just an opportunity.

Live well my friends.
Learn heartily all that you can.
Love willingly and openly.

namaste

Eye see

Well it is one of those trips that I had been putting off. The trip to the optometrist. But all in all not a bad adventure today. I had no appointment but like the fact that I impulsively cleaned the grout lines and washed the fan blades today I walked on in and said help. Kara Nguyen is a really nice lady and her team was great. I was really appreciating all the information she was giving me until the glaucoma test. The solution and then the yellow dye and they still freaking burn hours later.

But I did the extra testing they have that is electronic and shows peripheral vision loss. She strongly advised it due to the strokes and it may have been and extra $25 but the end result is absolutely no vision loss in that area. Actually I had one false positive response and I knew it as it happened and pointed it out. Thus another 100 for Philip. I am wondering if I should get another A on my report card for that one.

Kara did give me some rather interesting information about what happens to the eye after 40 and the hardening of the lens within the eye. Thus the need for bifocals for some and she sees that in my future but today it was still that my lenses were changing in prescription but I pretty much still need to only wear them for driving and maybe watching a movie in the theater or some function in a large hall where the stage is far away. I knew that the prescription needed to be adjusted but I am glad that for right now I do not need anything for reading.

She also walked through the fact that the eyes can also have a stroke and I did not know that. That the eye can have its own stroke. But she thought I should know in light of what I have gone through. I need to read up more on that one.

So glasses ordered and should be in the first part of next week. Thus my eyes can continue to see.

Follow ups

Image via Wikipedia

Last night the lightning and then the storms kept me up until well after 2 am....then a short nap before the day of doctors started.

First my sleep doctor. Well everything checks out. I have gone from stopping breathing...what was it like 69 times and hour while sleeping to 3.4 times per hour. My leak readings is in the moderate range which is when I move some times at night I may pull the mask to where it is not pushing all the air into my nasal passages and may be spilling over the side of my face. It was not the high end and to be expected with someone learning the mask. I got the low down on every 6 months get a new mask. A pat on the back for doing a great job and then ... we will see you in a year.

Yahoo. One down and all is well.

Mum and dad show up but no Great Dane. I was actually kinda looking forward to having Venus around but it would have made it hard for us to do some things over the course of the day as to leaving her in a strange place by herself is probably not the best of intentions.

So lunch, take my really powerful Xanax and off to see the wizard. The wizard of the open MRI that is. I have done the tube one and that put me over the edge....I literally tried to crawl out of that one and had to be talked down from the ledge. Now the first time I went into an open MRI in 2006 to have my brain scanned when I was having serious migraines I flipped. I was doing OK until they put that mask over my face....then I lost it. One word - claustrophobia.

I had to be seriously drugged up to have that done the next day. **an aside....funny I can hear my dad snoring and that is actually a beautiful sound** Then when I had the MRI done here when they found the strokes had happened I had been given I was given some serious tablets of Xanax from my doctor and had to take all 3 to make it through.

But you know today, well my parents were there which is always good grounding for me, and I only took the .5mg Xanax and it seemed OK. I think the repetitiveness of this, the fact that I have lost weight and no longer have my gut touching the top wall (I could only get it to brush it if I really took one of those fill every crevice of you body deep breaths) and I even opened my eyes. Plus the contrast stick went well. Last time I think the one guy stabbed me 9 times and then the contrast did not flow like they wanted. So maybe next week by Wednesday/Thursday I will get the results and well all we can do is learn and live....learn and live.

Peace

A response to a thought

In regards to any frustration in my tone yesterday, I know it was there, I take full responsibility for that. Today I wake up with pain but know why. I am anchored to this house but there are two reasons for that, one of my making and one of the medical worlds undertaking. I accept both of those. I have left a message for my Doctor and know at some point I will receive a call back. Until then I move on.

My delightful friend responded to my thread yesterday and I would like to share this....

I don't want you to have to live every day wondering if another stroke could happen. Of course, in the big picture we all live with uncertainty ... I guess it's just a matter of whether we look at that in a positive way (the adventure of life) or a negative way (fear).

Of course she is right. She has always been right and I will admit that I have many times been wrong. But it took me about 3 seconds or less to think about that and here is my thought:

Well I choose to live the adventure of life. I can continue to learn along the way. I can continue to change what needs to be changed. I can continue to grow in knowledge and awareness and as the options become available face them head on.

Last night and yesterday I was unclear. Yesterday frustration ran rampant through my head. I had finally accepted a path of change but this was not the path that has been chosen for me.

Thus I begin anew ... a new adventure. A new awareness. A new beginning.

I choose life.

Everyday we make choices and each choice involves a risk. There is no right and wrong answer sheet to life. No cheat sheet that can get us past the risks. No "uber powerful God like" mode that allows us multiple tries.

We live. We breathe. We hope for tomorrow and enjoy the moment. We celebrate right now the essence of our life and those around us. We learn. We live.

If something happens we repair what we can, we learn as much as possible and we choose to live now and enjoy all that we can.

Live well my friends, live for the moment, live for today, let your life include others and just LIVE!

Time to Repair!!!

Today was really an information gathering session. Dr. Malik is one of the junior partners at the Heart Center of North Texas and really good at what he does. I found out from Cynthia (his nurse for 22 years) that he is booked through December of this year and most of next year is filling up. They fly in from other states and one of his specialties is closing PFO’s.

But the discussions he and I had were intense. Some things became clear to me. I had been reading about this but it was not as clear as he made it. We all develop little clots and such when we bruise or hurt our body. These clots are little and travel through the venous system, the blood going back to the heart. This enters the right chambers and is then pushed through the lungs. This serves two purposes. One is to apply the necessary oxygen to the hemoglobin in the red blood cells. The other is the lungs act as a filter. The filter the dust and such that we breathe in and they filter these little blood clots. The clean air returns to the left chambers of the heart where it travels out to supply the body and brain with oxygen.

Now a PFO that does not close after birth sits there as a little potential short cut from the right side to the left side of the heart bypassing the lungs. This can happen when we sneeze, when we cough, when we strain while sitting on the loo and what I just found out…when we have sleep apnea.

When I stop breathing at night my heart jumps when my body is forced to wake up and take a deep breath. This is the prime opportunity for that clot to move over from one side to the other. Then a TIA or stroke occurs.

I found him to be a very knowledgeable man speaking on both a high intellectual level and knowing that I was understanding this, then also dropping into layman’s terms easily when he could tell I was struggling with a concept.

He was rather interested in how the stroke happened, what symptoms I had and then did some physical examination and had me do some tests that seemed to be more neurological. The first things he said after the examination was that my breath and heart sounds were good. That my neurological disorders were still a little off but mostly normal, that I probably was having issues with numbers, that I was probably still having issues getting the message across and was jumbling up sentences. Sorry but WTF.

I have not really discussed with many that my brother is dealing with my finances as I just cannot deal with it. I had to ask the apartment manager how much my check needed to be written for as I cannot remember numbers. There were no sentences I had to write on the 8 pages of documentation I had to fill in and well he even knew that my short term memory was still a little off. Can I be Hurley here…Dude this guy was kinda creeping me out a little bit. But on the flip side I was impressed.

Good news is he believes that I will gain full functionality back as I am young. Then he dropped the bombshell on me that I have been skirting with avoiding. “Philip, you can keep taking the aggrenox for the rest of your life and not have the surgery but it is not a matter of if you will have another stroke it is a matter of when you will have another stroke if we confirm there is a hole in your heart.”

I know that is the case. I have not wanted to face that reality but it is true. So I have to make a decision. I have to make the decision. I have to make a decision about my life. I know there are lots of factors that have contributed to me being where I am today and most of them are of my own making. I did not take the weight off seriously. I procrastinated. I did not pursue the sleep apnea in Maui. I have made choices that I can change and work on now. I have time. But I cannot do anything about a hole between the right and left chambers of my heart and my body has already suffered. The organ that I need to live and live at the level of intelligence that I want to live at has suffered.

There is no one to make this decision for me. As terrified as I am of having someone invade my heart the prospect without this invasion is just as chilling.

I have to make a decision.

TEE is on the 11th – I go in at 9 and the process starts at 11 am.

Closing the hole in my heart (if the TEE confirms that) is scheduled for the 19th. I go in at 9 am, procedure at 11 – takes about 1-2 hours. Actual process is about 15 minutes long. I will be under anesthesia as they will have the ultrasound scope down my throat as well as going into my heart. I will stay overnight in the hospital and come home on the 20th.

I have made my decision. (my hand trembled when typing that last paragraph but my inner mind lets me know that it is right)

Plans change for the month of June but that is alright. We have to adjust as the world around us adjusts.

I have a direction and that direction is forward.

REPAIR, LEARN and most importantly LIVE

6 reasons to act F.A.S.T.

It’s the second full week of National Stroke Awareness Month. Have you been educating friends and family about how to Act F.A.S.T. to increase recognition of and response to stroke symptoms?

Here’s an easy way! Use the F.A.S.T. method and the tips below to recognize and respond to stroke and to understand the importance of educating everyone about these important facts.

Once you’ve educated yourself, forward this e-mail onto everyone in your contacts list to help spread awareness at a maximum level!


F = FACE Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A = ARM Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?

S = SPEECH Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Does the speech sound slurred or strange?

T = TIME If you observe any of these signs, it’s time to call 9-1-1.

A few easy tips for why understanding stroke symptoms and the proper response are important:

• Stroke requires emergency treatment.
• You only have 3 hours from the onset of stroke symptoms to receive t-PA, a life-saving treatment.
• Fewer than 5% of stroke patients currently receive t-PA.
• In a National Stroke Association/Gallup poll, 17 percent of the respondents over age 50 couldn’t name a single stroke symptom.
• A recent study shows that only 55 percent of patients who have had a stroke were able to identify one stroke symptom.
• Only 38 percent of respondents participating in the CDC’s 2005 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (the world’s largest, on-going telephone health survey system) were aware of stroke symptoms and would call 9-1-1 if they thought someone was having a stroke.

Today's Eats

Breakfast -- green machine, lemon with water, Chi Tonic, and minerals.
Snack -- couple of pieces of broccoli, slice of roast beef, 1 oz walnuts
Lunch -- chicken spring rolls, SuperShot, pears in blackberry and acai berry juice.
Snack -- walnuts.
Dinner -- dark leaf organic herb salad, cucumbers, broccoli, chicken breast, raspberries and oil/apple cider vinegar dressing.
Snack --

I am trying to figure out as I started eating lunch at 12:45 and finished at 2:45 between outages and all if I should have an afternoon snack. Dinner is going to be at 5:30 and it is 4:00 already....but I am supposed to have protein every 2-3 hours.

How to reverse insulin resistance (short version)

Cleansing phase:

1. Lots of low glycemic vegetables: artichoke, asparagus, avocado, black eyed peas, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, eggplant, garlic, green beans, lettuce, onion, spinach, squash, string beans, sunflower seeds, tomato, turnips.

2. If no cravings for sugary treats: low glycemic fruits: apples, apricots, berries, cherries, fresh coconut, grapefruit, lemons, limes, mango, melon, papaya, peaches, pears, pineapple, tangerines.

3. Eat protein every 2-3 hours - 2-3 ounces. Meats, fish, eggs, nuts, nut butter with no sugar for example.

4. Choose only real fats like extra virgin olive oil, butter and coconut oil - all organic fats. Fats are needed to help absorb fat soluble vitamins and minerals and they slow the absorption of foods thus lowering glycemic index even more.

5. NO caffeine or decaffeinated beverages.

6. NO grains of all kinds, oatmeal, corn.

7. NO sugar including honey. NO fake sweeteners - splenda, aspartame, etc. If you must have sweeteners use Stevia, Xylitol or Blue Organic Agave.

8. NO diary.

9. Exercise.

Why do I have to do that....

...that which is below.

Insulin resistance and the fact that my glucose level is 121 - supposed to be under 100 best to be 70 or so.

Insulin resistance can result in diabetes, high blood pressure, abnormal blood clotting, low HDL (36 - that is way low) and more.

Plus that is why I am obese. Time to change that huh. I think so.

Peace.

Today's meals

Break fast -- whole wheat bagle, NF cream cheese with a hint of strawberry jam.
Green tea with Pomegranate
Snack (not shown) Target soft pretzel - tsk tsk (no butter or salt)
Lunch -- hummus, whole wheat pita chips, raspberries and a supershot.
Black and green chai tea.
Dinner -- Romaine, walnuts, raisins, dried cranberries and chicken. Skipped poppy seed dressing.
64 oz water.

The reason I am putting this up there is it makes me accountable to everyone with what I eat and as I learn - or as you tell me - I will become a better eater, thus a healthier person. How am I doing?

Why I started this blog.

Why is this here? Essentially it is the beginning of the new me. What has to change in me to make things right. To understand where I am now lets back up a month or two.

Feb 14th weekend. My brother brings his three children for the weekend and two were on antibiotics getting over the wonderful crud.

Feb 16th. I finish what I had started in 1987. I almost finished college then but life got in the way. In 2006 I went back to school and graduated with a Bachelors in Information Systems/Visual Communication. This was the day I graduated.

Feb 19th. Start feeling not so hot. Write it off as the kids gave me something.

March 3rd. Still cannot beat it and go to the doctor. I have been noticing balance issues and when there find that I cannot sign in correctly.

March 5th. After being lectured by my doctor and am now on steroids for an inner ear infection I get chills and pains in chest and left arm at work. I go to the ER that evening.

March 6th. I am kept overnight for observations and instead of being released in the morning they rush me in to cath lab as there is an issue with some of the markers in my cardiac enzymes and they need to see why and fix. I freak...see the end coming and they put me out. They find nothing. My friend Sarah (my angel) can tell you what they said I do not remember much.

March 7-8th. Home with family and friends - not allowed to do much. Sleep a lot. Not allowed to drive. Go to church on the 8th and it is hard to move.

March 9th. When driving to work I keep drifting to the right. I used the wall in the parking garage to find the stopping point. I am scared.

March 10th. Get my doctor to get the results. Go back. He thinks I am depressed maybe even suicidal. Puts me on meds. I go home thinking this is not right.

March 11th. I have taken notes of everything that is wrong with me. I do not have control over my right arm and leg correctly. I have not lost any strength in either but I cannot seem to get them to go correctly. I cannot type correctly - I think but the thoughts are not going to my fingers mostly the right hand. I cannot pick up a glass of water in the right hand. I drop things in the right hand. I am having difficulty driving. I am having to repeat myself and feel as if I am always drooling out of the right side of my mouth. Most apparent is that I cannot write any more. I am right handed. I call my doctor and tell him to listen to me. I am clear and precise in my wording to him as I have already decided that if he did not listen to me then I would get someone who would. He listened...and was concerned. He set up an MRI for my head.

March 13th. I have the MRI done. My veins collapse and I have to wait 2 hours and drink lots to have the last 15 minutes done. This means 3 pills - happy pills that day as I am claustrophobic.

March 16th. My doctor calls me at work and calmly states that I have had a stroke like event on the left side of my brain that accounts for the errors with the right side of my body. He is prescribing Plavix and needs to schedule an appointment for the neurologist and a ultrasound of my carotid arteries.

March 18th. I am at a sleep doctors offices as they think I have sleep apnea. Schedule a sleep clinic visit for the 23rd.

March 23rd. My life has been on hold now since the 16th. Go in for the sleep clinic. It is horrible...I hate having 28 things attached to my head and body. But I have got to do this.

March 24th. Wake up from the sleep study and go to my doctor. I corner him again as I want to know did I have a "stroke like event" or a "stroke". He confirms my worst fear. I had a stroke. I then go for the ultrasound. That was cool. Rachel showed me everything and let me see different angles. She said it looked good but I had to wait for the official all clear.

March 25th. Got the official all clear on the carotid ultrasound. Also started a new blood pressure medicine. I had not been happy with my BP since the 3rd and finally we were doing something about it.

March 31st. My neurologist. Been doing this for 40 years - only one room in the back - waited for 2 hours. Understand why. Each person has a set of questions that are different. Another MA took a lot of information and my films before I went in. Finally I was called back. I walked in, was greeted and then he began. "Well it looks like you had a major stroke" BAM! I know from what I read that this guy had not a lick of bedside manner and I was fine with that as he is the head of the best stroke center around. But this was news to me. I must of looked shocked. He wondered if I knew. I told him that most people have down played that and I started to ask him questions. He realized that I was not a child but was an equal and we got along fine from then. He took me and showed me all my films, he tested me, he told me what I need to know and confirmed a stroke in the thalamus region of the brain close to the spinal cord is what I had. Gave me information that I will go into later and sent me out with a book to buy and green tea to drink, plus something to help me get to my future ... a drug and a direction.

April 2nd. I begin to live my life for me. I have been in a dungeon for almost a month and am finally climbing out.

April 3rd. I see my sleep doctor who confirms what I knew already. I stopped breathing an average of 69.5 times an hour. I have severe sleep apnea and we need to see if a cpap (that Darth Vader mask) will help. Should be interesting but that is what I got to do.

April 3rd. I call a dietician and ask for help. I get the paperwork from her on Tuesday.

April 3rd. I start a 6 week elearning course on gratitude and changing the way I think about the world.

April 4th. I buy Ultraprevention as that was the book my neurologist gave me. I sit there with a green tea latte non-fat milk and read about a 3rd of the book. If I had not been scared silly before I was now. But I had a pathway to get out of this.

One of the last things I read was that it is the hardest for a person to take one hour out of the day and do nothing. So today I went to the park and for 15 minutes took pictures. Then after grabbing my blanket out of the car for the family that I was next to me with a baby I just sat there for an hour, also used my bag as a pillow for some of it, and just watched the world go on around me. It was nice.

I came home this evening and eat one of my post stroke meals. I then decided to delete my poetry blog as it was dark and the last one I posted on the 20th of Feb was foreshadowing what I have just been through...I saw that last night and thought I should do away with this. Today I did.

I now want to keep a journal that will be the repair, learning and living process. I am doing nothing fancy with this blog. It is just me. There may be typos but most I will let stand as I am recovering. Daily I get stronger. I am grateful for every breath and I have aways still to go.

On the 14th I have two heart procedures, then a follow up MRI and another visit with my neurologist. I also will met with the dietitian, get fitted for my cpap and continue reading and learning. I will share with you.