Aphasia

You know I have the holiday all to myself and I was getting ready to go to work (from home - love that option when the office is closed) but had a few moments to read my most recent Stroke Smarts edition that came yesterday. I had to both smile and cry at something I read on the page 12 article. The article is called Aphasia Recovery.

What you may not know is that I lost the ability to do calculations and mathematical functions after my strokes. I had to turn my bank account over to my brother, who himself has a lot on his plate, but I love him for taking on one more challenge in his world. I can do percentages in my head and large number approximations but forecasting with something that is critical just is like ... walking through a pit of mud up to my neck while a blade pendulum swings overhead. It just is hard and causes so much stress inside my head.

I have always thought that maybe I was going insane in that area and have struggled to deal with this and not look like I am just mooching off of my brother's accounting skills. But it seems so real. That is why this article was so profound.

Aphasia is an impairment of language. Stroke survivors with aphasia might be unable to use and comprehend words, but aphasia does not affect intelligence. It is a common problem for many stroke survivors and might make it hard to:

• Talk
• Understand what other people say
• Read
• Write
• Use numbers and do calculations

No two people experience aphasia the same way ... 

Wait ... yep I saw that too. I read more and now have some where to go. I am not insane ... that last bullet point is my form of aphasia. It is such a relief to know that something you struggle with daily since March of 2009 is not all in your head ... then again it is in your head because of what was damaged in it.

But now I have direction. I have somewhere to go. There are resources and a National Aphasia Association. I can learn ... then work on repairing what I can and keep on living.

It is a day of gratitude and maybe this is my gift for the day. I am thankful of that. Truly I am.

This week from the National Stroke Association - Blood Thinner Awareness

Blood Thinners

Always some good information in what NSA puts out. This week was the link above that had this important information in it.

Possible Side Effects

When taking a blood thinner it is important to be aware of its possible side effects. Bleeding is the most common side effect.

Call your doctor immediately if you have any of the following signs of serious bleeding:

• Menstrual bleeding that is much heavier than normal.
• Red or brown urine.
• Bowel movements that are red or look like tar.
• Bleeding from the gums or nose that does not stop quickly.
• Vomit that is brown or bright red.
• Anything red in color that you cough up.
• Severe pain, such as a headache or stomachache.
• Unusual bruising.
• A cut that does not stop bleeding.
• A serious fall or bump on the head.
• Dizziness or weakness.

Some people who take a blood thinner may experience hair loss or skin rashes, but this is rare.


Stay Safe While Taking Your Blood Thinner

Call your doctor and go to the hospital immediately if you have had a bad fall or a hard bump, even if you are not bleeding. You can be bleeding but not see any blood. For example, if you fall and hit your head, bleeding can occur inside your skull. Or, if you hurt your arm during a fall and then notice a large purple bruise, this means you are bleeding under your skin.

Because you are taking a blood thinner, you should try not to hurt yourself and cause bleeding. You need to be careful when you use knives, scissors, razors, or any sharp object that can make you bleed.

You also need to avoid activities and sports that could cause injury. Swimming and walking are safe activities. If you would like to start a new activity that will increase the amount of exercise you get every day, talk to your doctor.

You can still do many things that you enjoy. If you like to work in the yard, you still can. Just be sure to wear sturdy shoes and gloves to protect yourself. Or, if you like to ride your bike, be sure you wear a helmet.

Tell others.

Keep a current list of all the medicines you take. Ask your doctor about whether you should wear a medical alert bracelet or necklace. If you are badly injured and unable to speak, the bracelet lets health care workers know that you are taking a blood thinner.

To prevent injury indoors:

• Be very careful using knives and scissors.
• Use an electric razor.
• Use a soft toothbrush.
• Use waxed dental floss.
• Do not use toothpicks.
• Wear shoes or non-skid slippers in the house.
• Be careful when you trim your toenails.
• Do not trim corns or calluses yourself.

To prevent injury outdoors:

• Always wear shoes.
• Wear gloves when using sharp tools.
• Avoid activities and sports that can easily hurt you.
• Wear gardening gloves when doing yard work.

Common Medical Conditions

If you have any of the following medical conditions or are at risk for having them, your doctor may have given you a prescription for a blood thinner. A blood thinner helps your blood flow more easily and lowers your risk for developing blood clots in your body.

Atrial fibrillation. Atrial fibrillation (A-tre-al fi-bri-LA-shun), a type of irregular heartbeat, is a fairly common heart disorder that you may or may not feel. Sometimes your heart will beat too fast or out of rhythm and may cause blood clots. Sometimes atrial fibrillation is also called A-fib.

Blood clots in the lung. A blood clot that forms in another part of your body, such as in your leg, can break loose and move through the blood to your lungs. The clot then gets stuck within a blood vessel that brings blood to the lungs (called a pulmonary embolism, PULL-mun-ary EM-bo-lizm). If the lungs cannot get enough blood, they will be damaged, and you could stop breathing.

Blood clots. Blood clots (DVT, deep vein thrombosis, throm-BO-sis) form in a vein. The veins deep inside your leg, especially the calf and thigh, are the most common areas where clots occur. Blood clots can lead to damage of the blood vessels in your leg and break loose and cause other organ damage.

Family history. Some people are more likely to get blood clots because of a family history. You may have a genetic condition that causes your blood to form potentially dangerous clots.

Heart attack. A heart attack is caused by a lack of blood supply to the heart. The lack of blood happens when one or more of the blood vessels pumping blood to the heart are blocked.

Heart valve disease. Heart valve disease is any problem in one or more of the four valves in the heart. Heart valves keep blood flowing in one direction. They act as a door that swings open, allowing blood to flow through the sections of the heart.

Heart valve replacement. There are many types of artificial valves that are used to replace your own heart valve. The material used to make these valves may cause blood to stick and form clots.

Stroke. A stroke is caused by a blood clot that blocks a blood vessel in the brain. This blockage cuts off the blood flow to a part of the brain and can cause problems with your speech, swallowing, or movement of different parts of your body. You may be at a higher risk for a stroke if you've had a heart attack.

No more

...yet National Awareness Month continues. The National Stroke Association website has so much more on it yet it is overwhelming at times. It becomes too much to deal with. Thus I have conveyed the most poignant points that I could find knowing that you may or may not read them, knowing that you may or may not pay attention to them, knowing that you may or may not care that these could be you.

But I have to try.

I have to try and convince one person to change one habit, to learn one new fact, to understand me a little bit, to strive to improve themselves and in the progress of doing this mitigate some of their risk. I watch people do things every day that make my heart cry and die a little bit when they are those I care about. I know that what they are doing is not healthy but whom am I to speak.

I am someone who took too long to realize, too long to make a change, procrastinated too many times. That is what I think it boils down to for many. I think you know and are aware but you wait, thinking you can push it off until tomorrow and that eventually you will make a change. I was that person, still am that person in some aspects but I am changing. I chose to change for I know first hand that there may not be a tomorrow and need to do what I can to improve my world, improve me, correct some of the wrongs that I can correct and prepare for that which will come.

I cannot ask you to change for that change has to come from you. I can only show you what I have learned. Give you words that show what I have found and know that I believe them. I will post no more about strokes this month, the controllable risks or any of that. I cannot as it makes me sad. It takes me to a place where I was. I am not there now, but to be reminded day in and day out with this is sometimes too much. I am faced with enough daily reminders and challenges as it is.

So thank you for reading, those who read, and know that I appreciate any time that you put into this.

Peace ... Namaste

Shuffling the deck

Momentary panic today. I found a couple of times where I could not say the correct word....or was it that I could not find the correct word in my memory bank so the mouth just started to say the next closest thing that it could.

Stop ... am I having another stroke. Everything else is working as it should an this too shall pass. What do I do? Do I rush in for an emergency room visit or have I learned enough that I start to do a mental checklist and if I get to two failures then I get moving. I have to do the second or I would be in a constant state of panic.

But it has been a few days since a serious post about health and all that.

Last week we went to schedule a follow up MRI. Two reasons - the contrast part did not work as it was supposed to and they want to see if there is progression or regression of the damaged areas. Plus I guess we should be honest and say "looking to see if there is anything new".

But they needed some blood work done and that was taken care of the next day. 24 hours later and I get the results:

The results of your recent tests are explained below:

Kidney Tests: Good -- no changes needed
Electrolytes: Good -- no changes needed

Comments: Blood sugars are continuing to get lower when labs are drawn.

Wow....I got a comment in that report. But that is good as I was on the borderline of diabetes so to have the glucose dropping is a good thing. Lets see...alot of raw veggies, protein and very limited wheat products, carbs and pretty much no dairy. I better see that damn number going down.

Plus I have been consistently getting 4 days at the gym and I would say 3 out of 5 weeks getting 5 days at the gym. That is good progress from a guy that went for a while and then NEVER for a few years. Consistency is good.

Weight goes up and down but mostly down and that is why I do not worry about it. Now at the 365 mark from 425. So I am not unhappy with that progress. I have gone from the last hole on the belt to the point of needing a new bigger belt to the 4th hole and sometimes that is a little bit loose. One day it will be the 5th hole and the 6th hole....and you know what that is a good guage for me.

I am not counting anything just trying to make mostly right decisions. I cannot do that yet. I would have mental break downs over that and I am not going to get frustrated with myself for not meeting a certain point. I have a simple plan: get my veggies, get my fruit and get my protein and I am OK.

I don't allow myself to feel guilty when something changes...that is life. I had pizza yesterday at work as we just wanted to get things done and I have not been to a grocery store since I got back from vacation. Thus the fridge is bare and I had no groceries but money was bare too. The same for all of us so we scrapped together some change and got the Dominos ultimately cheap pizza deal.

I need to write a list....sorry I have to put these thoughts down less I forget.....and go to the store.

So now I wait for Horizons MRI to call me. Then the haggling over time will start as I need a Friday or Saturday schedule because I have to take medicine to be able to do this. Yep shove a severely claustrophobic person in even an open MRI and guess what .... anxiety skyrockets, blood vessels explode as the heart goes into overdrive palpatations. It ain't a pretty sight.

So I shuffle my deck of cards waiting by the phone for the man to call.

See ya

Sharing some thoughts

I want to share a couple of parts from My Stroke of Insight that resonated with me.

"My ability to cognate was erroneously assessed by how quickly I could recall information, rather than by how my mind strategized to recover the information that it held."

This was how I felt when trying to write, when trying to form sentences that made sense in my head until I could not remember the word that needed to come next, that made me realize people could not understand me as I was slowly slurring my speech but it sounded clear to me.

"The biggest lesson I learned that morning was that when it came to my rehabilitation, I was ultimately the one in control of the success or failure for those caring for me. It was my decision to show up or not."

This is so true and it was my fight to be heard that nothing was being done about that led to the eventual diagnosis that I had a stroke. It was my self that crawled into a hole for a few days after that processing the information and just trying to live. Finally it was my self that came out and said we need to do something about this and get back on track. What can be done? How do I do it? What do I need to do immediately? Why did this happen? Where do we go from here?

"For the next few days following the stroke, my stamina waxed and waned proportionately with my napping and exerted effort. I learned that every effort I put forth was the only effort that was important."

Even though there has never been a time line of when my stroke occurred reading this made me think of something and make my own decision. I knew something was occuring on the 3rd of March....it had been going on slowly and silently since the 19th of February. I beleive these were possibly TIAs. Then on the 6th in the hospital for what they diagnosed a heart event I was put under critical pressure and rushed into a situation that I had not had time to deal with. My brain was frantic and they had to stop my body shaking with drugs. Nothing came of this except family and friends rushing to my side and then three days where I did not much but sleep and then was going to sleep early for the next couple of weeks.

Cover via Amazon

I believe that the stress I went through was the catalyst for the stroke that occured in my thalamus. I know that we all thought that my excessive sleeping was from the catheter invasion but I know think back and there were so many things that I just could not deal with. The strain of trying to work through these made me tired. My sleeping was my bodies attmept to conserve energy for the necessary functions while it tried to figure out what was going on.

There is more in this book to come but I thought that I would share those now. I think I have a better handle of what happened to my brain and why I had issues trying to get those I was talking to to understand what was occurring.

Continuing onward....

From what I have been able to piece together I am possibly part of 1 or less percentage of the population. Well let me narrow that down a bit and say of the population of people whom have had a stroke with signs of a PFO (grade 3) in a test, yet have nothing show up when the pictures of my heart were taken through the esophagus. Yep I am a fluke.

But lets see that 1 percent or less has a PFO that is not standard. Most of these PFO have a flap that covers them and it is usually on the left side of the heat which is why under the right pressures it opens. Now that is 99% of the people in my situation. Now the other 1% have the flap on the right side. Thus held close pretty much all the dang time by pressure except for when the planets align, an asteroid is streaking by the earth, the beings in Jupiters clouds and drinking a vanilla frosty from Wendys all at the same time then the flap opens and a little clor gets through. Causes a stroke. Or in the impossible likeliness that this happens twice in one month (me) there are 2 strokes.

But the darn hole has hidden itself from the eyes in my esophagus and my cardiologist. There is an invasive test where we go into the heart with a mini camera from the veins and run the tests of micro bubbles while closely examining the walls. I just don't know at this point. I think my cardiologist is at the same point.

So I have a meeting with him on the 6th of July, it is confirmed that there is no surgery this Friday to fix what is potentially there but cannot be found and I have to once again find answers and questions, or is that questions and answers.

At this point all I can do is keep on doing what I am doing.

See ya!

My Stroke of Insight

Today I read a book that I purchased in April (or the very end of March) but have had yet to open. I am not sure why but I think I was afraid of what might be in there.

Cover via Amazon

My Stroke of Insight is a powerful look at the stroke from the inside out. Jill Bolte Taylor is a scientist of the brain who suffered a huge stroke and took 8 years to recover, as she states, fully.

There is so much in this book that let me know and understand what I experienced and is unnerving in what a larger stroke could do. I need to go back and read again. Look at the areas that resonated with my experience and thinking.

Then I found this wonderful talk from her filmed in 2008. She is discussing her stroke on the left side of the brain. I am in awe that this woman speaking is the same one who lost the left side of the brain for some time.

(Note there is a real brain shown in this video for those whom might be weak in the knees. It is completely unattached from a human but could be wrong for some of those reading or watching)

Update: The last 2 minutes of this nearly 19 minute long video are, to me, the most profound.

Every minute counts!

Stroke Centers and Rehabilitation Facilities

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If you or someone you know is experiencing stroke symptoms, call 911 immediately. Every minute matters!

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There are different ways that stroke care facilities can demonstrate their commitment and ability to treat stroke and to provide rehabilitation support. Please read on for more information and to find a stroke center or rehabilitation provider near you.

Stroke Center Network Members

Members of National Stroke Association’s Stroke Center Network exhibit a strong and clear commitment to providing quality stroke care at their facility. Members represent a wide range of organization type and capacity related to the stroke care they provide.

Click here for a list of Stroke Center Network members in your area.

Stroke Rehabilitation and Recovery Network

National Stroke Association’s Stroke Rehabilitation and Recovery Network represents various types of facilities that are committed to providing rehabilitation care for stroke survivors (they may or may not support other types of rehabilitation needs).

Click here for a list of Stroke Rehabilitation and Recovery Network members near you.

Primary Stroke Centers Certified by The Joint Commission

The Joint Commission is an independent organization that awards a Certificate of Distinction for Primary Stroke Centers to centers that make exceptional efforts to foster better patient outcomes related to stroke care. This certification program was developed according to the Brain Attack Coalition's "Recommendations for the Establishment of Primary Stroke Centers."

Click here to access a searchable database of the more than 500 Primary Stroke Centers that have been certified by The Joint Commission.

State-Certified Stroke Centers

Some states have instituted their own certification program for primary and/or comprehensive stroke centers. These include the states of Delaware, Florida, Massachusetts and New York. Each state’s certification requirements and processes are different, so please contact a particular state’s department of health to find out more.

Rehabilitation Facilities Certified by the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities (CARF)

CARF is an independent agency that accredits rehabilitation providers who meet a rigorous set of guidelines for service and quality.

Click here to access a searchable database containing CARF-certified providers. The CARF-certified facilities found on this site provide rehabilitation support for a variety of conditions and may or may not provide stroke-specific care.

To request a list of rehabilitation facilities in your area that are CARF certified for stroke, please send an email to awhitney@carf.org.

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If you or someone you know is experiencing stroke symptoms, call 911 immediately. Every minute matters!

6 reasons to act F.A.S.T.

It’s the second full week of National Stroke Awareness Month. Have you been educating friends and family about how to Act F.A.S.T. to increase recognition of and response to stroke symptoms?

Here’s an easy way! Use the F.A.S.T. method and the tips below to recognize and respond to stroke and to understand the importance of educating everyone about these important facts.

Once you’ve educated yourself, forward this e-mail onto everyone in your contacts list to help spread awareness at a maximum level!


F = FACE Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A = ARM Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?

S = SPEECH Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Does the speech sound slurred or strange?

T = TIME If you observe any of these signs, it’s time to call 9-1-1.

A few easy tips for why understanding stroke symptoms and the proper response are important:

• Stroke requires emergency treatment.
• You only have 3 hours from the onset of stroke symptoms to receive t-PA, a life-saving treatment.
• Fewer than 5% of stroke patients currently receive t-PA.
• In a National Stroke Association/Gallup poll, 17 percent of the respondents over age 50 couldn’t name a single stroke symptom.
• A recent study shows that only 55 percent of patients who have had a stroke were able to identify one stroke symptom.
• Only 38 percent of respondents participating in the CDC’s 2005 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (the world’s largest, on-going telephone health survey system) were aware of stroke symptoms and would call 9-1-1 if they thought someone was having a stroke.

I gotta ask more information

You see I knew what I was going in for kinda. I forget to ask how to spell things and things slip out of my brain really easily.

So the procedures were really benign in that they were not intrusive...but they may show the reason for the stroke. We shall see.

Sticky patches or electrodes are attached to the chest and shoulders and connected to electrodes or wires. These help to record the electrocardiogram (EKG or ECG) during the echocardiography test. The EKG helps in the timing of various cardiac events (filling and emptying of chambers). A colorless gel is then applied to the chest and the echo transducer is placed on top of it. The echo technologist then makes recordings from different parts of the chest to obtain several views of the heart. You may be asked to move form your back and to the side. Instructions may also be given for you to breathe slowly or to hold your breath. This helps in obtaining higher quality pictures. The images are constantly viewed on the monitor. It is also recorded on photographic paper and on videotape. The tape offers a permanent record of the examination and is reviewed by the physician prior to completion of the final report.

The additional use of Doppler helps to identify abnormal leakage across heart valves and determine their severity. Doppler is also very useful in diagnosing the presence and severity of valve stenosis (pronounced stee-no-sis) or narrowing. Remember, unlike echocardiography, Doppler follows the direction and velocity of blood flow rather than the movement of the valve leaflets or components. Thus, reversed blood direction is seen with leakages while increased forward velocity of flow with a characteristic pattern is noted with valve stenosis.

Some good description

• Doppler ultrasound test — Uses high-frequency sound waves to detect blockages in the carotid artery. A Doppler probe or instrument capable of generating ultrasound waves is placed on the neck very near to the carotid artery. Ultrasound waves from the probe travel through the neck and bounce off the moving blood cells. The reflected sound wave, now returning to the probe at a different frequency, is then detected by the same probe. The change in frequency of the sound waves relates to the speed of the blood cells and thus the blood flow. This test takes an hour or more, and causes no discomfort.


• Carotid phonoangiography — A sensitive microphone is placed on the neck, very close to the carotid artery, to record sounds. Ordinarily, in a normal artery, blood flows in a smooth and controlled manner. However, the presence of blockages, such as those caused by atherosclerosis, causes the blood flow to become turbulent. This turbulent blood flow can create a sound, called a bruit (BROO'e), that can be detected and registered by the microphone. The presence of a bruit may indicate a blockage in the carotid artery and is cause for more tests.

Stroke Tests

Of course I had the Doppler that has another name that is gone out of my head. They looked at the arteries in both my temples and above the ear area, both of my eyes, just under both side of my chin and both sides of the spine. Then they put in an IV drew blood, added air and agitated it and shot it in while looking at the arteries. This was done with me normal, holding breath, holding breath and abdominal contractions and then holding and moving a gage 40 marks while exhaling. It was all rather interesting and eerie to hear my own blood moving through my arteries.

No results yet. But the main thing they are looking for is a hole in the heart (supposedly we are all born with this) it was always thought that it usually closes up but they are now finding that 1 in 4 or 5 people it does not. This can create an eddy in the heart chambers where a blood clot can form. Rather interesting. So if there is one they do the surgery through a catheter. But at least I have more information this time. Just forgot what this was called exactly.

I am thankful that the day is over and work is over as I have a splitting headache.

Peace.

Why I started this blog.

Why is this here? Essentially it is the beginning of the new me. What has to change in me to make things right. To understand where I am now lets back up a month or two.

Feb 14th weekend. My brother brings his three children for the weekend and two were on antibiotics getting over the wonderful crud.

Feb 16th. I finish what I had started in 1987. I almost finished college then but life got in the way. In 2006 I went back to school and graduated with a Bachelors in Information Systems/Visual Communication. This was the day I graduated.

Feb 19th. Start feeling not so hot. Write it off as the kids gave me something.

March 3rd. Still cannot beat it and go to the doctor. I have been noticing balance issues and when there find that I cannot sign in correctly.

March 5th. After being lectured by my doctor and am now on steroids for an inner ear infection I get chills and pains in chest and left arm at work. I go to the ER that evening.

March 6th. I am kept overnight for observations and instead of being released in the morning they rush me in to cath lab as there is an issue with some of the markers in my cardiac enzymes and they need to see why and fix. I freak...see the end coming and they put me out. They find nothing. My friend Sarah (my angel) can tell you what they said I do not remember much.

March 7-8th. Home with family and friends - not allowed to do much. Sleep a lot. Not allowed to drive. Go to church on the 8th and it is hard to move.

March 9th. When driving to work I keep drifting to the right. I used the wall in the parking garage to find the stopping point. I am scared.

March 10th. Get my doctor to get the results. Go back. He thinks I am depressed maybe even suicidal. Puts me on meds. I go home thinking this is not right.

March 11th. I have taken notes of everything that is wrong with me. I do not have control over my right arm and leg correctly. I have not lost any strength in either but I cannot seem to get them to go correctly. I cannot type correctly - I think but the thoughts are not going to my fingers mostly the right hand. I cannot pick up a glass of water in the right hand. I drop things in the right hand. I am having difficulty driving. I am having to repeat myself and feel as if I am always drooling out of the right side of my mouth. Most apparent is that I cannot write any more. I am right handed. I call my doctor and tell him to listen to me. I am clear and precise in my wording to him as I have already decided that if he did not listen to me then I would get someone who would. He listened...and was concerned. He set up an MRI for my head.

March 13th. I have the MRI done. My veins collapse and I have to wait 2 hours and drink lots to have the last 15 minutes done. This means 3 pills - happy pills that day as I am claustrophobic.

March 16th. My doctor calls me at work and calmly states that I have had a stroke like event on the left side of my brain that accounts for the errors with the right side of my body. He is prescribing Plavix and needs to schedule an appointment for the neurologist and a ultrasound of my carotid arteries.

March 18th. I am at a sleep doctors offices as they think I have sleep apnea. Schedule a sleep clinic visit for the 23rd.

March 23rd. My life has been on hold now since the 16th. Go in for the sleep clinic. It is horrible...I hate having 28 things attached to my head and body. But I have got to do this.

March 24th. Wake up from the sleep study and go to my doctor. I corner him again as I want to know did I have a "stroke like event" or a "stroke". He confirms my worst fear. I had a stroke. I then go for the ultrasound. That was cool. Rachel showed me everything and let me see different angles. She said it looked good but I had to wait for the official all clear.

March 25th. Got the official all clear on the carotid ultrasound. Also started a new blood pressure medicine. I had not been happy with my BP since the 3rd and finally we were doing something about it.

March 31st. My neurologist. Been doing this for 40 years - only one room in the back - waited for 2 hours. Understand why. Each person has a set of questions that are different. Another MA took a lot of information and my films before I went in. Finally I was called back. I walked in, was greeted and then he began. "Well it looks like you had a major stroke" BAM! I know from what I read that this guy had not a lick of bedside manner and I was fine with that as he is the head of the best stroke center around. But this was news to me. I must of looked shocked. He wondered if I knew. I told him that most people have down played that and I started to ask him questions. He realized that I was not a child but was an equal and we got along fine from then. He took me and showed me all my films, he tested me, he told me what I need to know and confirmed a stroke in the thalamus region of the brain close to the spinal cord is what I had. Gave me information that I will go into later and sent me out with a book to buy and green tea to drink, plus something to help me get to my future ... a drug and a direction.

April 2nd. I begin to live my life for me. I have been in a dungeon for almost a month and am finally climbing out.

April 3rd. I see my sleep doctor who confirms what I knew already. I stopped breathing an average of 69.5 times an hour. I have severe sleep apnea and we need to see if a cpap (that Darth Vader mask) will help. Should be interesting but that is what I got to do.

April 3rd. I call a dietician and ask for help. I get the paperwork from her on Tuesday.

April 3rd. I start a 6 week elearning course on gratitude and changing the way I think about the world.

April 4th. I buy Ultraprevention as that was the book my neurologist gave me. I sit there with a green tea latte non-fat milk and read about a 3rd of the book. If I had not been scared silly before I was now. But I had a pathway to get out of this.

One of the last things I read was that it is the hardest for a person to take one hour out of the day and do nothing. So today I went to the park and for 15 minutes took pictures. Then after grabbing my blanket out of the car for the family that I was next to me with a baby I just sat there for an hour, also used my bag as a pillow for some of it, and just watched the world go on around me. It was nice.

I came home this evening and eat one of my post stroke meals. I then decided to delete my poetry blog as it was dark and the last one I posted on the 20th of Feb was foreshadowing what I have just been through...I saw that last night and thought I should do away with this. Today I did.

I now want to keep a journal that will be the repair, learning and living process. I am doing nothing fancy with this blog. It is just me. There may be typos but most I will let stand as I am recovering. Daily I get stronger. I am grateful for every breath and I have aways still to go.

On the 14th I have two heart procedures, then a follow up MRI and another visit with my neurologist. I also will met with the dietitian, get fitted for my cpap and continue reading and learning. I will share with you.