Monthly Affirmation

may I be I is the only prayer - not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong. ~e.e. cummings

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Aphasia

You know I have the holiday all to myself and I was getting ready to go to work (from home - love that option when the office is closed) but had a few moments to read my most recent Stroke Smarts edition that came yesterday. I had to both smile and cry at something I read on the page 12 article. The article is called Aphasia Recovery.

What you may not know is that I lost the ability to do calculations and mathematical functions after my strokes. I had to turn my bank account over to my brother, who himself has a lot on his plate, but I love him for taking on one more challenge in his world. I can do percentages in my head and large number approximations but forecasting with something that is critical just is like ... walking through a pit of mud up to my neck while a blade pendulum swings overhead. It just is hard and causes so much stress inside my head.

I have always thought that maybe I was going insane in that area and have struggled to deal with this and not look like I am just mooching off of my brother's accounting skills. But it seems so real. That is why this article was so profound.

Aphasia is an impairment of language. Stroke survivors with aphasia might be unable to use and comprehend words, but aphasia does not affect intelligence. It is a common problem for many stroke survivors and might make it hard to:
  • Talk
  • Understand what other people say
  • Read
  • Write
  • Use numbers and do calculations
No two people experience aphasia the same way ... 

Wait ... yep I saw that too. I read more and now have some where to go. I am not insane ... that last bullet point is my form of aphasia. It is such a relief to know that something you struggle with daily since March of 2009 is not all in your head ... then again it is in your head because of what was damaged in it.

But now I have direction. I have somewhere to go. There are resources and a National Aphasia Association. I can learn ... then work on repairing what I can and keep on living.

It is a day of gratitude and maybe this is my gift for the day. I am thankful of that. Truly I am.

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"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." – Buddha