Walking story

It is always "well if you have ever walked in my shoes" or "be in my shoes" but who really wants to walk or be in someone else shoes. I know I am particular about shoes but I guess when I had a grandfather who worked in a shoe factory in Norwich for 50 years and I managed two Stride Rite shoes stores for a handful of years you get to know them really well.

These were a gift from my father in 2008 before blazing through the mountains in Oklahoma. I truly do love these hiking shoes are they have another year in them. Hmm the outer tread is getting low but they have been great to me.

Knowing shoes I know that for exercise I needed good support. These are also aging and desperately need an upgrade but for now I will keep moving along with them. I also have an older version of these that are good for yard work and that is about it nowadays. But I live in an apartment and have no yard so they are good junk shoes for when I just need something that I don't mind trashing around in.

These are brand new. Just got them today. Let me tell you a story. When I was going through all my bills and working with my wife/brother/accountant (well he is my brother, can be like a wife cos he is my unpaid accountant - although in conversations at the beginning of the month he did mention the interest rate he is charging me is compounding in a unique way - well I am digressing) I discovered a gift card for Sears of all places. Why? I thought about it for a while.

As most of you know last year I had a girlfriend, who had a house, in another town, with three little girls. The house needed help and at one point the general course of my life would have had me down there at this point of this year. Alas she left (probably smart as I would have not moved with the promotion I received and would have ended the relationship then) but I had asked for gift cards to places for things for the house (windows, doors, appliances, etc) and I think this must have been one.

So I checked if anyone needed it. Nope. Saw a Sears flyer in the paper at work last week that showed all their shoes on sale so I went and got some sandals. I had been wanting another pair. The Birkenstocks I had in Hawaii finally died when I moved to Corpus Christi and so it has been about 8 years without any. I like these as I have narrow heels so the cinch strap around the back can help in that area.

I know this subject is completely off the wall but maybe not so much. We live and learn and live some more. I have been thinking about love recently. I loved someone last year as a lover - I needed that. I needed someone to defrost my heart and make me realize some things. Realize that there was/is more in me that is broken that needs to be repaired.

So as I walked through the past two years of my life I realize that what I found in love last year I have in love right now but of a kind that is not a lover but a friend. One of those intimate moments of realization that for a person who is not yourself you would do anything for. Love exists on so many levels ... if you believe in a higher power or purpose you know of that unconditional love.

If you are married you know of that love that spirals around the two of you and can be found on personal, companionship and intimate levels. If you are intimate with someone you know of that passion that may be rooted more in lust but is a level of love.

There is family love .. a bond that makes a mother and brother spend time in the hospital while another goes through surgery and the mother stops and listens at your door during the night to hear you breathing before returning to bed. That bond is strong ... can be stubborn, can bend and break sometimes but often heals as it is the love that connects a common thread of genes.

The walk of exploration in my mind this week and last has been a realization roller coaster and I discovered the love of close friendship that for me is something precious. It is a great realization as I have feared loneliness for many years but accepted it as a necessary partner and maybe I am learning that it is not necessary.

So even though the temperature may drop back into the 30s tonight (thank you) from the mid 80s (I got a freaking sunburn today) I will slip on my sandals and keep walking, exploring, learning, repairing, learning, living and loving some more.

Good night.