Weekly Contemplations

Freaking weekend

Been an interesting one. But I did get to learn something ... I like morphine. Maybe not a good thing to say but when you are in the hospital and in as much pain as I was in Saturday morning, the nurse comes in and says the doctor said I could give you some morphine. I just lay there and say "that is nice as long as it will" ... (she now has the syringe shooting it in my IV) ... "make me lose the pain .. how long does it take for this to work? I feel warm inside. You are nice." Nurse Jessie, "have you never had morphine before?" Me, "I don't think I ever had ... is this a silly smile on my face." Nurse Chris came in to tell me I have to drink half of the barium solution now and the other half in 30 minutes. Asks me my name ... I say, "I am loopy." He is like, "huh?" Nurse Jesse, "First time on morphine."

Finally at 7 am I get some sleep to be woken up in 30 minutes for the other half of the solution. To be woken up again to get rolled into the CT scan of my abdomen. Finally my favorite doctor (remembered me from a year ago in ER room number 2 - heart incident on March 5, 2009 - go back the to the first postings in this blog) came in to confirm what he had already told me he suspected. Gall bladder. Given drugs (a strength of Vicodin I did not even know existed) and stuff for the stomach and nausea. So crawled to the pharmacy, got meds, crawled home and then took the pain pill. That was pretty much it for Saturday.

On top of that I think I have a sinus infection and have been around too many people with strep this week so first order of business tomorrow is to get an appointment with my doctor. Get him to get the ultrasound and CT scan from the hospital and see where he wants to go with that. Hopefully convince him that I need something to kick this infection and then get on with this week.

All this after I was promoted to IT System Support Manager last Sunday and it was finally made official to my team on Friday (my day off). So it was truly a whirlwind week. I think I will be popping a pain pill here in a few short moments that will cast my into oblivion for a few hours. But some of you will hear about this through others on the coconut wireless so I figured I would lay it all out now.

So here is to a less eventful week ahead. That and a longer Christmas break as I am now truly a member of corporate America with the schedule that coincides with the home office. Wow first true M-F 8-5 job ever.

Peace to all.

In case you wondered

Neurologist told me they could not find my brain. He was totally serious and that made me stop in my tracks. This man does not joke around ... or does he. Is that the twitch of a corner of the mouth there. Thank God. I knew I had a brain, unless this is the afterlife?

Somewhat clean bill of health. Concern was rendered about these little headaches that come and almost incapacitate me but are gone in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes. We are looking for a trigger and going to rule things out.

Got another years worth of stroke medicine scripts and a free month supply ... nice, cos this is the expensive stuff.

Plus in 5 minutes and with a safety pin he gave me the diagnosis of carpal tunnel, without the $900 test that the other doctors insisted that I run. Gave me one simple exercise to work on to hopefully make some of this go away. If not we will cross that bridge together. (Well actually he said I could go first in case there were any trolls that wanted a toll ... I am seeing another side of this wise old man).

So now I move onward with changing lifestyles, loss and gain, hope and a smile on my face for I have life, my wonderful families love and some of the greatest friends a simple boy from the countryside in England could have ever wanted when he grew up.



Peace and love.

No more

...yet National Awareness Month continues. The National Stroke Association website has so much more on it yet it is overwhelming at times. It becomes too much to deal with. Thus I have conveyed the most poignant points that I could find knowing that you may or may not read them, knowing that you may or may not pay attention to them, knowing that you may or may not care that these could be you.

But I have to try.

I have to try and convince one person to change one habit, to learn one new fact, to understand me a little bit, to strive to improve themselves and in the progress of doing this mitigate some of their risk. I watch people do things every day that make my heart cry and die a little bit when they are those I care about. I know that what they are doing is not healthy but whom am I to speak.

I am someone who took too long to realize, too long to make a change, procrastinated too many times. That is what I think it boils down to for many. I think you know and are aware but you wait, thinking you can push it off until tomorrow and that eventually you will make a change. I was that person, still am that person in some aspects but I am changing. I chose to change for I know first hand that there may not be a tomorrow and need to do what I can to improve my world, improve me, correct some of the wrongs that I can correct and prepare for that which will come.

I cannot ask you to change for that change has to come from you. I can only show you what I have learned. Give you words that show what I have found and know that I believe them. I will post no more about strokes this month, the controllable risks or any of that. I cannot as it makes me sad. It takes me to a place where I was. I am not there now, but to be reminded day in and day out with this is sometimes too much. I am faced with enough daily reminders and challenges as it is.

So thank you for reading, those who read, and know that I appreciate any time that you put into this.

Peace ... Namaste

A tale of two trees

OK that is me. Me. No not the tree on the right side of the picture the other tree on the left side wearing blue. WOW was that a wake up call. I thank my beloved for taking pictures for a change with me in them.

I am still huge. Well that is how I see myself when I look at those pictures. You know I don't see this when I look in the mirror. I don't see this when I look at myself and I needed to see this. I need to have the issue reinforced that I look like I am wearing a tent cos I am.

Oh well.

Good news is that Tammy and I have a little friendly challenge going on from the 15th of April to the 30th of June. I need this. She wants to shed a wee bit and I need to keep losing ... losing ... losing. Now I have motivation. A little contest. We both win for getting a little bit healthier. I win for dealing with the continued weight loss after the strokes, she wins as she gets her goal accomplished. We have a little friendly wager on prizes and if we are both diligent, and we both agree that we have been diligent, then a weekend getaway in July.

Let me see. FAT like me in the photo's horrifying. Lose some weight with my wonderful love and we both get more fit, a little wager and weekend together. Hmmm I vote for less of me in a picture of us both together on a getaway weekend. Sounds good to me.

But I am sharing the pictures of me as this is me today, 12th of April, 2010. I have gone quite a way but I have quite a way to go.

I am so looking forward to this little challenge. In reality I just want to be in the lower 200's again and that is 100+ lbs away.

Hello me ... say goodbye to this me.

Oh and baby ... don't stop taking photos of me because of this post. I need this. I need to be reminded of who I am and who I am becoming from the perspective of others.

(oh the wonderful 6 year old in the pictures with me is Elizabeth. I love her spunk. She reminds me of someone I know :)

My ball and chain

One day this will diminish, one day. But until that day I have to respectfully almost religiously follow the rule of 4's each day. Wake up, morning, afternoon and bedtime.

My advice to you. Make the changes you need to now to be healthy.

Shuffling the deck

Momentary panic today. I found a couple of times where I could not say the correct word....or was it that I could not find the correct word in my memory bank so the mouth just started to say the next closest thing that it could.

Stop ... am I having another stroke. Everything else is working as it should an this too shall pass. What do I do? Do I rush in for an emergency room visit or have I learned enough that I start to do a mental checklist and if I get to two failures then I get moving. I have to do the second or I would be in a constant state of panic.

But it has been a few days since a serious post about health and all that.

Last week we went to schedule a follow up MRI. Two reasons - the contrast part did not work as it was supposed to and they want to see if there is progression or regression of the damaged areas. Plus I guess we should be honest and say "looking to see if there is anything new".

But they needed some blood work done and that was taken care of the next day. 24 hours later and I get the results:

The results of your recent tests are explained below:

Kidney Tests: Good -- no changes needed
Electrolytes: Good -- no changes needed

Comments: Blood sugars are continuing to get lower when labs are drawn.

Wow....I got a comment in that report. But that is good as I was on the borderline of diabetes so to have the glucose dropping is a good thing. Lets see...alot of raw veggies, protein and very limited wheat products, carbs and pretty much no dairy. I better see that damn number going down.

Plus I have been consistently getting 4 days at the gym and I would say 3 out of 5 weeks getting 5 days at the gym. That is good progress from a guy that went for a while and then NEVER for a few years. Consistency is good.

Weight goes up and down but mostly down and that is why I do not worry about it. Now at the 365 mark from 425. So I am not unhappy with that progress. I have gone from the last hole on the belt to the point of needing a new bigger belt to the 4th hole and sometimes that is a little bit loose. One day it will be the 5th hole and the 6th hole....and you know what that is a good guage for me.

I am not counting anything just trying to make mostly right decisions. I cannot do that yet. I would have mental break downs over that and I am not going to get frustrated with myself for not meeting a certain point. I have a simple plan: get my veggies, get my fruit and get my protein and I am OK.

I don't allow myself to feel guilty when something changes...that is life. I had pizza yesterday at work as we just wanted to get things done and I have not been to a grocery store since I got back from vacation. Thus the fridge is bare and I had no groceries but money was bare too. The same for all of us so we scrapped together some change and got the Dominos ultimately cheap pizza deal.

I need to write a list....sorry I have to put these thoughts down less I forget.....and go to the store.

So now I wait for Horizons MRI to call me. Then the haggling over time will start as I need a Friday or Saturday schedule because I have to take medicine to be able to do this. Yep shove a severely claustrophobic person in even an open MRI and guess what .... anxiety skyrockets, blood vessels explode as the heart goes into overdrive palpatations. It ain't a pretty sight.

So I shuffle my deck of cards waiting by the phone for the man to call.

See ya

Exercise

Lupus Walk 2009 images

I think doing a 5 K is good exercise!