3 months already???

Quarterly checkup today … yep another 3 months gone on by and blood work pulled last week. Actually it was a little bit on the scary side as the blood was pulled the day after I had a scare with blood loss. I guess that I am really aware when I lose blood now as I am on an anti-coagulant and will be for life. With that when I have an opportunity to lose blood I have an opportunity to lose lots of blood. Scary.

But got to sit down with the doctor today and go over my results. Talk about what has happened in the last couple of months, what is going on but today I was impressed. When I mentioned one of my concerns he counter offered with an option to write a prescription for a muscle relaxer (just 10). I countered with the fact that even though some people may think that I take choose to take hard core drugs when things are bad I do not.

Now let me step to the side and quantify that last statement above. Yes, if you would have asked me in the early 90’s or in 2005 if I took the strongest medicines I could get my hands on I would say yes. The 90’s my sinuses were so screwed up and the pain was intense. I popped pain pills like nobody’s business. In 2005 the ruptured disc in my back [done in 1988] finally shifted and sawed the heck out of the left leg nerve bundle. To sleep, I literally had to stand in the corner of the room and lean on my right shoulder. That was horrible. When they offered to shoot my spine up with pain drugs, even though I could have been paralyzed for life, I did not hesitate to say PLEASE!

So I had countered with the fact that I know I have done things in the past that have stressed my kidneys and liver out. I really have been working on eliminating drugs and have gone from 7 daily meds to 5 and cut two of them in half, as far as strength goes, and do not want to add more. I like life. So he countered with almost an hour of going over each level of what he tested in the blood work, comparison to what he has on record for me since 2007 and well showed me why he suggest what he suggests and why he listens to me when I counter.

That kind of relationship is hard to come by in the medical profession. To be able to interact with a doctor that has a prescribed amount of patients to meet due to insurance companies. To have a doctor tell you that you are wrong and justify it. To have him say that he is wrong and this is why he thinks I am right. No ego there. Just open talk. Someone who I am not fearful of discussing concerns with of any type nor will he be fearful of telling me the honest truth from where he sits. He will not prescribe medicine without cause and I especially like that he will not prescribe antibiotics for those things that do not need them. (i.e. we discussed today how people request antibiotics for colds and colds are viruses … antibiotics work on bacteria … thus why? … because advertising scares people into wanting what they do not need)

This discussion today highlighted the 2 levels of study done on the kidneys and their ability to be active and filter what needs to be filtered. I am well within the norms. The liver. Well within the norm. Blood sugar levels. Have been borderline for 3 years but I have maintained or decreased that. Further weight loss will be the key here to make them back off from the edge of being pre-diabetic. The blood cells themselves are in great shape. Right count in the number of blood cells which countered a thought that I might have had so much blood loss due to bleeding ulcer (not good for someone on anti-coagulant). No anemia. No deficiencies in all levels tested. Cholesterol remains great at 155. But more importantly it raised only due to the fact that my HDL went from 36 to 46. Phew. That lower than 40 number is not good at all for HDL. Now it is getting closer to where I would be happy but the doc is overjoyed that in 3 months I could move it 10 points.

So now we maintain and improve. I had my flu shot. I declined the muscle relaxant. Continued with the nasal steroid as the allergy season is intense upon us here in north Texas. Acknowledged that I have been at plateau too long at this weight and need to focus on moving that needle in the get off pre-diabetes watch list.Continue to watch what I eat, work on paying attention more to my bodies indicators and most poignantly from my doctor ... enjoy life.

Now that was fun

I thought the never ending 12 hour work day would never end and I WANTED my gym time. Guess the days frustration helped me pick up the pace.

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Doing it

So I have three days after today to get my minimum of four workouts in each week. My 30 minutes on the treadmill today.

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Consistency

I did not want to post that I was back in the gym until I was doing it with consistency. That is now.

Time to really shed some more pounds.

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Cardiologist

So yesterday morning, at like the edge of the witching hour in the morning, I remembered that Sarah had called me at work (the end of last week) and said Dr. Malik had called her to let me know that my appointment had been moved to Tuesday morning. I never wrote that down so I am shocked at 2 in the morning I woke up and remembered. Although I thought 10:30 ... showed up at 9:55 and it was supposed to be 9:30. OOPS!

Had no idea why my heart doctor needed me there and neither did they. Eventually after much prodding and probing into the books we determined that it was just the annual follow up. Hmmm have catheters and what not shoved in arteries, scoping out right ventricles and atrium, checking the passageways trying to find a PFO that contributed to the strokes, never to be found and guess what you have a specialist in your world for life. Yippee.

EKG was done with some really cool sticky things that actually had a little tab on them so when my nurse was done she just pulled that tab and they released. She did not have to shave parts of my torso - thank God cos that ends up itching like the dickens and I really do not want to be scratching the torso at Tammy's family reunion when lots of these people will be meeting me for the first time (oh the pressure of that but I am not going there ... yet). But that was so cool.

So EKG showed that I am still an abnormal but normal person. Essentially the same abnormalities in my readings that have existed over a few but show nothing abnormal in the operation of my heart are just all the same as they have been and will be. Huh? Yeah that is what I think.

Heart sounds - okie dokie.
Lung sounds - okie dokie.
Artery sounds - okie duh dokie.
Extremity blood flow - peachy. (hmmm never thought of red blood as peachy but OK)

So I check out. Continue to lose weight, exercise, control cholestrol and get a stress test. I look at him and say "I work - is that not enough" Just kidding doc I have had those and I know. See you in a year.

Well that was nice. I think. Then again I assumed that my heart was still beating as I am still here. :)

Crutch

There are days were we go through the status quo and there are days were there is epiphany after epiphany. Today was a day of examination and resulted in realization ... an epiphany.

Tomorrow starts a contest that I am totally excited about. I know I mentioned it as it is a two person challenge with success measured on many levels with the foremost being weight loss. I needed this. I posted those pictures. I don't see myself like that and I was mortified. So this is great ... timing is right, photo's timing was right and then I got scared. What if I fail?

Well that is why there is really no failure built into this contest, Philip. Oh that is right. If someone gets to their goal before the end of the 75 days then guess what they win. If they do not then it is the one closest and the grand prize is based upon self evaluation of ourselves and each other. Cool.

So before the day ended I went to McDonalds. I ordered a bacon and cheese angus burger as it will be my last little bite of fast food for quite some time (maybe longer if I am able to do what I expect to do). As I was driving to work with this horrible meal besides me I flashed back in time. I think my subconscious had been tackling why did I get fat for some time. I have always known that I have this crutch to blame it on, but I know that I should not.

You see in 1988 I was a brilliantly stupid college kid, underage drinking, smoking and over extending everything from bank accounts, credit lines and not sleeping. I was doing some crazy decathlon sports event on campus and had gone from rugby, to basketball and was now on the racquetball court when it happened. I blew out my L5 disc. Pain was incredible. Next day paralysis of the left leg. Diagnostic clinic. Confined bed rest, flat on back, supposedly on a wooden board. Those were the days.

Then after time I was supposed to go therapy. I went once maybe twice and I said no way ... I can do this myself. Cocky little bastard I was back then thought I knew it all. But that was the beginning of my lethargy. My excuse was pain and pain I have lived with for 22 years. But it is how you live with it. I have used it as a crutch for 20 of those 22 years. I have lost weight remarkably well once and then last year with the strokes started on an amazing recovery path.

But I fell and broke my elbow at the beginning of the year and that became a crutch. I managed to maintain the weight loss due to purely not wanting to eat as much as I used to but also by using lent as a reason to change eating habits. But the elbow was a crutch. Thus I badly needed to refocus and gain back the momentum I had before. I needed to stop seeing food as comfort and more as a source of life. A source that cannot be abused by me as it can give life and take life if used poorly.

So I was flashing back to realize from where I had come, how I had allowed myself to become the whale of a man and refocus on the continued repairing, learning and living of the new me. So in about 12 hours I will weigh myself on a rather inaccurate scale in my house but that is OK. It is a basis of my measurement as I will use the same scale over and over again for the next 10.5 weeks and once a week share the weight with my Tammy. But in about 12 hours the focus and intensity starts again, the crutches are discarded and I move forward again.

For me. For Tammy and our life together. For my family. For my friends. For you.

If you have a crutch in your world find it, look at it, examine it and learn from it. Then when you are ready and only when you are ready let that crutch fall to the wayside, chop it up as kindling and burn it, allow mother nature reclaim it and move forward in your sense of whom you are now and not whom you have been.

My goal is 25 lbs in 75 days (personally I am shooting for 30). Let me see what I can accomplish.

Namaste

A tale of two trees

OK that is me. Me. No not the tree on the right side of the picture the other tree on the left side wearing blue. WOW was that a wake up call. I thank my beloved for taking pictures for a change with me in them.

I am still huge. Well that is how I see myself when I look at those pictures. You know I don't see this when I look in the mirror. I don't see this when I look at myself and I needed to see this. I need to have the issue reinforced that I look like I am wearing a tent cos I am.

Oh well.

Good news is that Tammy and I have a little friendly challenge going on from the 15th of April to the 30th of June. I need this. She wants to shed a wee bit and I need to keep losing ... losing ... losing. Now I have motivation. A little contest. We both win for getting a little bit healthier. I win for dealing with the continued weight loss after the strokes, she wins as she gets her goal accomplished. We have a little friendly wager on prizes and if we are both diligent, and we both agree that we have been diligent, then a weekend getaway in July.

Let me see. FAT like me in the photo's horrifying. Lose some weight with my wonderful love and we both get more fit, a little wager and weekend together. Hmmm I vote for less of me in a picture of us both together on a getaway weekend. Sounds good to me.

But I am sharing the pictures of me as this is me today, 12th of April, 2010. I have gone quite a way but I have quite a way to go.

I am so looking forward to this little challenge. In reality I just want to be in the lower 200's again and that is 100+ lbs away.

Hello me ... say goodbye to this me.

Oh and baby ... don't stop taking photos of me because of this post. I need this. I need to be reminded of who I am and who I am becoming from the perspective of others.

(oh the wonderful 6 year old in the pictures with me is Elizabeth. I love her spunk. She reminds me of someone I know :)

At it again

Exercise is like a drug. You resist it in the beginning but once you get that high you just don't want to stop. Kind of like meditation as well. Once you settle into it you resist being drawn back into the real world. :)
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Long day

Short walk and that is all I have in me this evening. Good night work. Good night gym. Heading home.
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Through the forest

Well that is what the doc said to do when hurting a knee. He said to take a leisurely stroll through the woods. Shhh but he never said I couldn't go uphill for most of the stroll. ;)
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Why do you do it?

Simple.

Life.

Love.

Future.

Hope.

Shedding the pounds, fears, pain, worry, loss and missed opportunities of years past for that which is happening right now and the potential for the future.
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Now that was fun!

Well that was energizing ... rewarding and then I crunched the leg press and toe raises. Yehaw.

My brother does WW and at his meeting this evening he lost 3.8 lbs. That rocks. It also shows you what you have to do by paying attention and doing what needs to be done. I have a mission. The mission is to a healthy weight and I know that in a years time I will be so much closer if I keep doing what I am doing.

Peace everyone ...

Monday

Later shift at work made this 9:30 before getting down to the gym. Thus it was really hard to get motivated. Back is giving me problems (for the last three weeks) so I am heading to the doc tomorrow. But this little trek on the treadmill was so rewarding. Now a few upper body weights and then home to the shower and maybe sleep.

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Thursday

Minor heart attack there. My BB Bold wigged out on me. But after much begging, pleading and downloading it all came back. Phew.

Scary that we can be so dependent of a silly phone for total communication with work, home and the world. When it fails we look at it in a mock but real despair, not wanting to believe that this is real. Then as the realization sets in a panic not know by the men of yesteryear drapes over our minds. It just amazes me as I have watched others go through that and thought foolish people.

Then it happened to me.

At least my panic lasted about 5 minutes and I shut it off and said.....lets think about this and determine how to resolve this. Then I went about finding out how and making it happen.

Kind of like having a stroke. In the beginning I had panic attacks constantly. But then I said to myself...self where is this getting you. I said no where. So we stopped. Started reading and asking the questions. Started this blog and now am working through what I know and applying it to other parts of my life.

I always say learn and live. Some times it is stop, settle down, analyze, determine what needs to happen, learn how and then do it.

Peace my friends.

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Quick note

40 minutes on the treadmill. Then the leg routine.

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Thoughts

With my week ending on a Thursday (which is good as I can schedule medical visits and such on a Friday) I can say phew. Tough week. Sleep was out of sync the first half and then stomach doing the cha cha for the rest got me thinking if there is ever a time when one will feel normal. Then I have a flashback to the week before and I did.

Funny how the body works. Started barely making 45 minutes on the treadmill on Sunday and then almost an hour today with ease. I would have kept going if I did not feel the nautilus machines calling to me....Philip we need some of your time, don't wear yourself out.

I am a see saw and I understand that. I swing in emotions, I swing in thought processes, I am up and discover a memory, I am down and I lose direction on what to do. This is me. This is who I am.

Repair....still ongoing
Learn....every day
Live....and love the blooming heck out of it

I am me and I am so grateful you stopped on by.

Peace

Quick note

50 minutes on the treadmill now to the weights.

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Shuffling the deck

Momentary panic today. I found a couple of times where I could not say the correct word....or was it that I could not find the correct word in my memory bank so the mouth just started to say the next closest thing that it could.

Stop ... am I having another stroke. Everything else is working as it should an this too shall pass. What do I do? Do I rush in for an emergency room visit or have I learned enough that I start to do a mental checklist and if I get to two failures then I get moving. I have to do the second or I would be in a constant state of panic.

But it has been a few days since a serious post about health and all that.

Last week we went to schedule a follow up MRI. Two reasons - the contrast part did not work as it was supposed to and they want to see if there is progression or regression of the damaged areas. Plus I guess we should be honest and say "looking to see if there is anything new".

But they needed some blood work done and that was taken care of the next day. 24 hours later and I get the results:

The results of your recent tests are explained below:

Kidney Tests: Good -- no changes needed
Electrolytes: Good -- no changes needed

Comments: Blood sugars are continuing to get lower when labs are drawn.

Wow....I got a comment in that report. But that is good as I was on the borderline of diabetes so to have the glucose dropping is a good thing. Lets see...alot of raw veggies, protein and very limited wheat products, carbs and pretty much no dairy. I better see that damn number going down.

Plus I have been consistently getting 4 days at the gym and I would say 3 out of 5 weeks getting 5 days at the gym. That is good progress from a guy that went for a while and then NEVER for a few years. Consistency is good.

Weight goes up and down but mostly down and that is why I do not worry about it. Now at the 365 mark from 425. So I am not unhappy with that progress. I have gone from the last hole on the belt to the point of needing a new bigger belt to the 4th hole and sometimes that is a little bit loose. One day it will be the 5th hole and the 6th hole....and you know what that is a good guage for me.

I am not counting anything just trying to make mostly right decisions. I cannot do that yet. I would have mental break downs over that and I am not going to get frustrated with myself for not meeting a certain point. I have a simple plan: get my veggies, get my fruit and get my protein and I am OK.

I don't allow myself to feel guilty when something changes...that is life. I had pizza yesterday at work as we just wanted to get things done and I have not been to a grocery store since I got back from vacation. Thus the fridge is bare and I had no groceries but money was bare too. The same for all of us so we scrapped together some change and got the Dominos ultimately cheap pizza deal.

I need to write a list....sorry I have to put these thoughts down less I forget.....and go to the store.

So now I wait for Horizons MRI to call me. Then the haggling over time will start as I need a Friday or Saturday schedule because I have to take medicine to be able to do this. Yep shove a severely claustrophobic person in even an open MRI and guess what .... anxiety skyrockets, blood vessels explode as the heart goes into overdrive palpatations. It ain't a pretty sight.

So I shuffle my deck of cards waiting by the phone for the man to call.

See ya

Toys at work

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Quick note

It had always been my hope to start increasing the time. Now as I decrease the weight I have to increase the time to burn the same calories. This is 45 minutes on the harbor run mode at about a 2.8 mile pace per hour.

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