Events (reminder)

I don't always look at what is plastered on the sides of my facebook home/news feed page. Thus I miss some birthdays (never was my ability to keep those once a year dates in mind ... I have even forgotten mine in the past, but never my mother's and they are the same day. Figure that out?)

But how can I miss a huge red heart and my gals name right there. Oh I know it is our anniversary but it is nice to be reminded of that every time I look there. (There is no way I could forget that day ... the beginning of this relationship ... my heart in my throat ... my mind going oh my ... the talking until just before the sun came up ... nope not forgetting that day) But I find that I might be opening that page up a little bit more right now just to look at this. Wow, I am a lucky man!

Cardiologist

So yesterday morning, at like the edge of the witching hour in the morning, I remembered that Sarah had called me at work (the end of last week) and said Dr. Malik had called her to let me know that my appointment had been moved to Tuesday morning. I never wrote that down so I am shocked at 2 in the morning I woke up and remembered. Although I thought 10:30 ... showed up at 9:55 and it was supposed to be 9:30. OOPS!

Had no idea why my heart doctor needed me there and neither did they. Eventually after much prodding and probing into the books we determined that it was just the annual follow up. Hmmm have catheters and what not shoved in arteries, scoping out right ventricles and atrium, checking the passageways trying to find a PFO that contributed to the strokes, never to be found and guess what you have a specialist in your world for life. Yippee.

EKG was done with some really cool sticky things that actually had a little tab on them so when my nurse was done she just pulled that tab and they released. She did not have to shave parts of my torso - thank God cos that ends up itching like the dickens and I really do not want to be scratching the torso at Tammy's family reunion when lots of these people will be meeting me for the first time (oh the pressure of that but I am not going there ... yet). But that was so cool.

So EKG showed that I am still an abnormal but normal person. Essentially the same abnormalities in my readings that have existed over a few but show nothing abnormal in the operation of my heart are just all the same as they have been and will be. Huh? Yeah that is what I think.

Heart sounds - okie dokie.
Lung sounds - okie dokie.
Artery sounds - okie duh dokie.
Extremity blood flow - peachy. (hmmm never thought of red blood as peachy but OK)

So I check out. Continue to lose weight, exercise, control cholestrol and get a stress test. I look at him and say "I work - is that not enough" Just kidding doc I have had those and I know. See you in a year.

Well that was nice. I think. Then again I assumed that my heart was still beating as I am still here. :)

No more

...yet National Awareness Month continues. The National Stroke Association website has so much more on it yet it is overwhelming at times. It becomes too much to deal with. Thus I have conveyed the most poignant points that I could find knowing that you may or may not read them, knowing that you may or may not pay attention to them, knowing that you may or may not care that these could be you.

But I have to try.

I have to try and convince one person to change one habit, to learn one new fact, to understand me a little bit, to strive to improve themselves and in the progress of doing this mitigate some of their risk. I watch people do things every day that make my heart cry and die a little bit when they are those I care about. I know that what they are doing is not healthy but whom am I to speak.

I am someone who took too long to realize, too long to make a change, procrastinated too many times. That is what I think it boils down to for many. I think you know and are aware but you wait, thinking you can push it off until tomorrow and that eventually you will make a change. I was that person, still am that person in some aspects but I am changing. I chose to change for I know first hand that there may not be a tomorrow and need to do what I can to improve my world, improve me, correct some of the wrongs that I can correct and prepare for that which will come.

I cannot ask you to change for that change has to come from you. I can only show you what I have learned. Give you words that show what I have found and know that I believe them. I will post no more about strokes this month, the controllable risks or any of that. I cannot as it makes me sad. It takes me to a place where I was. I am not there now, but to be reminded day in and day out with this is sometimes too much. I am faced with enough daily reminders and challenges as it is.

So thank you for reading, those who read, and know that I appreciate any time that you put into this.

Peace ... Namaste

An curious incident in the parking lot

Did some grocery shopping this evening. It is good for the soul and body to buy the right stuff. But Central Market had their usual band outside and it was a blues/southern rock style band. I liked the sounds so pulled up a chair and listened to a few before thinking....crap I got frozen stuff from Target in the car....bet it is melting away.

So I headed to the car. Now I have seen people do what I did, and have wondered how it is possible but....

I always know exactly where I parked and head right to the car. Well I did that and the car was not there. I stood there in the middle of the parking lot looking at where my car should be and thinking this is not happening. Why would someone steal my car? See I thought that before I thought I was maybe the one at fault. People walked by me, the band was playing in the background and finally something in me snapped and said this is not where you parked the car.

But I did not know where I parked the car.

After wandering around in a daze....I think I was terrified that brain cells where dying left and right....I found my car. Got into in and just sat there for a few. I have never had that happen and never want it to happen again but know that it will. I know the brain is missing a few synapses and well sometimes things are just not going to fall into the right place.

So we can call of search and rescue, reign in the military as I am back a home. Or is this my home? .....

Lapses in memory

A scheduled outage at 2:00 AM. I am glad that there is a reminder on the dashboard page and on this page where I create the post. Because without reminders I am nothing now. My absent minded state is either getting worse or just being noticed more by me as I fumble through life.

I forgot to pay rent this month. I was reminded many times but still forgot to pay it until it was necessary as it had to be in the drop box before midnight. There I went walking down to the office with half of the other residents at 11:30 at night to drop a check in the night deposit box.

I forget where I put things all the time, always have. I walk out of one room and 15 minutes later remember why. This can be quite annoying or quite entertaining depending on how you look at it. But in light of all that has happened I am glad that I remembered to call today. I am glad that I remembered to call and set up a consultation for tomorrow morning as I am so totally unsure of where to go next.

Money is hanging like a dramatic bomb over my head poised to drop and extinguish my world as I know it. Fear lurks around the corner every once in a while peaking out its faithful head and giving me a wink that says you better worry boy. Uncertainty cracks the stepping stones of life ahead of me so I am unsure at times which path to take. Frustration sometimes spins the cats in the cradle around my fingers causing them to fumble. In this menagerie of happenstance my brain forgets to go to bed, to drink water while at work, to bring a meal, to plan ahead and to remember some of the important things.

Sometimes I don't know where to go and how to get there, sometimes the fog on the road ahead parts and a path is illuminated. Sometimes I just need help, sometimes I wish I did not need help. Sometimes is .... a word, a choice, a reason, an excuse, a time, a non time and at times I don't like sometimes.

Tomorrow morning we shall see. Tonight is now.

Good night.