Been an interesting one. But I did get to learn something ... I like morphine. Maybe not a good thing to say but when you are in the hospital and in as much pain as I was in Saturday morning, the nurse comes in and says the doctor said I could give you some morphine. I just lay there and say "that is nice as long as it will" ... (she now has the syringe shooting it in my IV) ... "make me lose the pain .. how long does it take for this to work? I feel warm inside. You are nice." Nurse Jessie, "have you never had morphine before?" Me, "I don't think I ever had ... is this a silly smile on my face." Nurse Chris came in to tell me I have to drink half of the barium solution now and the other half in 30 minutes. Asks me my name ... I say, "I am loopy." He is like, "huh?" Nurse Jesse, "First time on morphine."
Finally at 7 am I get some sleep to be woken up in 30 minutes for the other half of the solution. To be woken up again to get rolled into the CT scan of my abdomen. Finally my favorite doctor (remembered me from a year ago in ER room number 2 - heart incident on March 5, 2009 - go back the to the first postings in this blog) came in to confirm what he had already told me he suspected. Gall bladder. Given drugs (a strength of Vicodin I did not even know existed) and stuff for the stomach and nausea. So crawled to the pharmacy, got meds, crawled home and then took the pain pill. That was pretty much it for Saturday.
On top of that I think I have a sinus infection and have been around too many people with strep this week so first order of business tomorrow is to get an appointment with my doctor. Get him to get the ultrasound and CT scan from the hospital and see where he wants to go with that. Hopefully convince him that I need something to kick this infection and then get on with this week.
All this after I was promoted to IT System Support Manager last Sunday and it was finally made official to my team on Friday (my day off). So it was truly a whirlwind week. I think I will be popping a pain pill here in a few short moments that will cast my into oblivion for a few hours. But some of you will hear about this through others on the coconut wireless so I figured I would lay it all out now.
So here is to a less eventful week ahead. That and a longer Christmas break as I am now truly a member of corporate America with the schedule that coincides with the home office. Wow first true M-F 8-5 job ever.
Peace to all.
Showing posts with label updates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label updates. Show all posts
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
30 days
30 days ago another course correction happened in my life. One that was not expected but then again are any of these drastic course corrections we have happen in our worlds ever what we really expect them. 362 days before this correction another course correction had taken place.
Yes they are connected.
So picking up the pieces of a life that fell into disarray. I fear that the course corrections are not done yet before I find a direction that will hold true for some time. There is something going on in my head that they have not figured, nor I, yet. My body is fighting something that could be as simple as allergies or as severe as ... well who wants to follow that course correction unless they absolutely have to.
But we pick up the pieces. I read somewhere that the first step of healing is vital. It’s OK to mourn the loss of what was and fear the course correction that you are now on. If you attempt to run from the initial rush of raw emotion and pretend you’re fine, you are slowing your recovery and ability to work within the parameters of what is happening. Ignoring these emotions would be like shoving things in a closet moments before company is due to arrive at your home. While your belongings are out of sight, the mess still lurks in the dark waiting to spill out as soon as the door opens. It’s the same with your pain. If not dealt with in a proper manner, your emotions could spill out at any time.
21 days ago I found myself alone again and forced to face fears. I conquered that with a pen and paper. I wrote down what was lost, what was gained, what was learned and what needs to be understood. Then I sat back and contemplated. I was beginning to control the waves of emotion. They were still getting the upper hand from time to time but they were mine now and not running free.
I began to assess damage done to me, damage done by me and began to pick up the pieces. There will always be holes but they are not for me to fill as they are not my crosses. I will never have the knowledge to fill them nor do I want it. I began to make decisions about what I needed to do. I rebuilt some of what I had torn down in my world and began to take steps that would give me direction. Give me a place to look forward into so that I would not dwell in the moment when it became too much.
I selfishly used the tools that I already had, the friendships that were there and brought back to the forefront, the resources that I had seen building around me ... I pulled them in. I used these branches of support and allowed them to help keep my head above the flowing stream below.
14 days ago I had begun documenting a failure in part of my health structure while I moved on another level into a life commitment that is for me. In the long run it will help all aspects of my health and hopefully my life. I may be aggravating the health conditions that I currently am experiencing but I need to move forward. I cannot wait for everything to be right. I need to be able to react and move now for who knows what the future holds. Another one of those things that I do not want to know right now.
Today I am 30 days removed from an instant that is still fresh as a wound but not so painful now. Natures scars are a way of showing that there is a healing process that was designed to allow life to continue and this is the beginning edge of that healing process for me.
I am doing little things now that I was nurturing at the beginning of this course correction but now find myself accepting as a reality. I set a goal in the world of my health and until I meet that I will not shave. Thus the last day I shaved was October 11th as I attempted to pick myself up and head to work. That failed miserably but I did shave without slicing the neck open. So I am scruffy and will trim from time to time but I am not shaving this beard until that personal goal is met. Even at that point I am allowing myself the option for a course direction in that choice. I mean I had a beard from graduating from high school and the next 12 years before being asked to shave for work. So it went to a goatee.
I am going to events of cultural enrichment as I need to continue to grow myself. I am not limiting myself to things that I am comfortable with, but also including situations that challenge my comfort level. So bring on the course correction. Let me grieve and then let me grow.
Yes they are connected.
So picking up the pieces of a life that fell into disarray. I fear that the course corrections are not done yet before I find a direction that will hold true for some time. There is something going on in my head that they have not figured, nor I, yet. My body is fighting something that could be as simple as allergies or as severe as ... well who wants to follow that course correction unless they absolutely have to.
But we pick up the pieces. I read somewhere that the first step of healing is vital. It’s OK to mourn the loss of what was and fear the course correction that you are now on. If you attempt to run from the initial rush of raw emotion and pretend you’re fine, you are slowing your recovery and ability to work within the parameters of what is happening. Ignoring these emotions would be like shoving things in a closet moments before company is due to arrive at your home. While your belongings are out of sight, the mess still lurks in the dark waiting to spill out as soon as the door opens. It’s the same with your pain. If not dealt with in a proper manner, your emotions could spill out at any time.
21 days ago I found myself alone again and forced to face fears. I conquered that with a pen and paper. I wrote down what was lost, what was gained, what was learned and what needs to be understood. Then I sat back and contemplated. I was beginning to control the waves of emotion. They were still getting the upper hand from time to time but they were mine now and not running free.
I began to assess damage done to me, damage done by me and began to pick up the pieces. There will always be holes but they are not for me to fill as they are not my crosses. I will never have the knowledge to fill them nor do I want it. I began to make decisions about what I needed to do. I rebuilt some of what I had torn down in my world and began to take steps that would give me direction. Give me a place to look forward into so that I would not dwell in the moment when it became too much.
I selfishly used the tools that I already had, the friendships that were there and brought back to the forefront, the resources that I had seen building around me ... I pulled them in. I used these branches of support and allowed them to help keep my head above the flowing stream below.
14 days ago I had begun documenting a failure in part of my health structure while I moved on another level into a life commitment that is for me. In the long run it will help all aspects of my health and hopefully my life. I may be aggravating the health conditions that I currently am experiencing but I need to move forward. I cannot wait for everything to be right. I need to be able to react and move now for who knows what the future holds. Another one of those things that I do not want to know right now.
Today I am 30 days removed from an instant that is still fresh as a wound but not so painful now. Natures scars are a way of showing that there is a healing process that was designed to allow life to continue and this is the beginning edge of that healing process for me.
I am doing little things now that I was nurturing at the beginning of this course correction but now find myself accepting as a reality. I set a goal in the world of my health and until I meet that I will not shave. Thus the last day I shaved was October 11th as I attempted to pick myself up and head to work. That failed miserably but I did shave without slicing the neck open. So I am scruffy and will trim from time to time but I am not shaving this beard until that personal goal is met. Even at that point I am allowing myself the option for a course direction in that choice. I mean I had a beard from graduating from high school and the next 12 years before being asked to shave for work. So it went to a goatee.
I am going to events of cultural enrichment as I need to continue to grow myself. I am not limiting myself to things that I am comfortable with, but also including situations that challenge my comfort level. So bring on the course correction. Let me grieve and then let me grow.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Learning and doing
So I spent a couple of weeks reading all and learning what I could about low-carb diets. How to do it right without damaging yourself. The reasons for and those reasons why people dislike it. I came to the conclusion that I have to try. I have to see as it pretty much mimics what my nutritionist, last year after the strokes, asked me to do and what I lost that first 75 lbs with. This allows dairy and more protein in my diet than the nutritionist had and that was one thing that I did miss.
First I purge the apartment of everything that I needed to eat and consume that would not work with this. I still have a few things and I kept sugar here for those visitors who prefer that in their tea or coffee. I still have not made it through one of those 5 lb bricks of sugar in what ... 4 years here. Amazing.
But last week was the first week and tomorrow will be my first week weigh in. I will see.
I have noticed that by looking at everything from bacon to salad dressings to marinara sauce it is hard to find something that does not have sugar in it. Sugar is, or should I say has become, a staple of this culture we live in. You have to look to find the things without it and of course, without and ingredient they cost more ... go figure.
But it is true, I feel, to say that we are addicted to this granular substance. I did well on meeting the goals this first week. I have the issues that many many people have when switching from a diet with carbs to a diet that has only 20 net carbs a day in it ... and I expected them. I was prepared for lack of energy as the body shifts from burning primarily carbohydrates (in the form of glucose) to burning fat (including the fat that is stored in your body) for energy. You are retraining a living organism and it will fight what it has become accustomed to over the years. But if this is the process that is finally forcing me to get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night I will take it.
Back to my thoughts on sugar ... I was tempted with piles of candy on Sunday night (Halloween) with all the little trick or treaters that showed up on the front porch, with costumes and amazingly polite happy attitudes. So I had a single ... little tootsie roll. Oh my goodness. Just 6 days without that sugar made me drool and the urge for more kicked in. It was both scary from a psychological and physiological point of view as it was amazing to realize that there was truth behind what I had been reading.
So I tested that hypothesis with the single tootsie roll at work today ... of course all the left overs were brought in. Once again I had been doing great all day long. Low carb bar for breakfast, beef and broccoli for lunch, whey protein shake for snack, chicken with veggies for dinner and then the test. Wham ... one tootsie roll set the craving really high for all those candies all over the place. Thankfully I did this test late in the evening so the shift was almost over and I could flee to my resting place, 32 oz of water and healthy stuff.
So I am sure I will have more thoughts on this to share in the future. I have a coach who lost over 100 lbs herself and her husband lost 130 lbs so we shall see where this goes. Yes the doctor is aware ... remember always make sure your doctor is aware and agrees with your choice of action before starting it if you have conditions that have to be monitored.
But for now ... I keep watching my carbs and staying away from sugar.
First I purge the apartment of everything that I needed to eat and consume that would not work with this. I still have a few things and I kept sugar here for those visitors who prefer that in their tea or coffee. I still have not made it through one of those 5 lb bricks of sugar in what ... 4 years here. Amazing.
But last week was the first week and tomorrow will be my first week weigh in. I will see.
I have noticed that by looking at everything from bacon to salad dressings to marinara sauce it is hard to find something that does not have sugar in it. Sugar is, or should I say has become, a staple of this culture we live in. You have to look to find the things without it and of course, without and ingredient they cost more ... go figure.
But it is true, I feel, to say that we are addicted to this granular substance. I did well on meeting the goals this first week. I have the issues that many many people have when switching from a diet with carbs to a diet that has only 20 net carbs a day in it ... and I expected them. I was prepared for lack of energy as the body shifts from burning primarily carbohydrates (in the form of glucose) to burning fat (including the fat that is stored in your body) for energy. You are retraining a living organism and it will fight what it has become accustomed to over the years. But if this is the process that is finally forcing me to get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night I will take it.
Back to my thoughts on sugar ... I was tempted with piles of candy on Sunday night (Halloween) with all the little trick or treaters that showed up on the front porch, with costumes and amazingly polite happy attitudes. So I had a single ... little tootsie roll. Oh my goodness. Just 6 days without that sugar made me drool and the urge for more kicked in. It was both scary from a psychological and physiological point of view as it was amazing to realize that there was truth behind what I had been reading.
So I tested that hypothesis with the single tootsie roll at work today ... of course all the left overs were brought in. Once again I had been doing great all day long. Low carb bar for breakfast, beef and broccoli for lunch, whey protein shake for snack, chicken with veggies for dinner and then the test. Wham ... one tootsie roll set the craving really high for all those candies all over the place. Thankfully I did this test late in the evening so the shift was almost over and I could flee to my resting place, 32 oz of water and healthy stuff.
So I am sure I will have more thoughts on this to share in the future. I have a coach who lost over 100 lbs herself and her husband lost 130 lbs so we shall see where this goes. Yes the doctor is aware ... remember always make sure your doctor is aware and agrees with your choice of action before starting it if you have conditions that have to be monitored.
But for now ... I keep watching my carbs and staying away from sugar.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
April is leaving, but May is coming!
26 days of blogging along here. Has it been that long already. It seems that I am still learning so much. National Stroke Awareness month starts in just a few but I am sure that will be overshadowed by the looming global flu situation. But most of us will keep on going. Keep on blogging; keep on learning; keep on repairing the body, the mind and the soul; keep on passing what it what on to you.
I know at the beginning of this I signed up for magazines and articles from the National Stroke Awareness site but they have yet to come in. I go an see my neurologist again on Saturday morning bright and early. So maybe I will have more.
My dietitian wants me to keep on the strict low glycemic diet I have been on. She is very happy with my progress and is overjoyed that I wanted to see her again after this last free visit. I am happy with my progress and know that I am entering into a new way of living. Now if the rain would stop pouring down I could go out and walk some more in the fresh air.
It is nice to have you all around and for that I am grateful.
More later.
Philip
I know at the beginning of this I signed up for magazines and articles from the National Stroke Awareness site but they have yet to come in. I go an see my neurologist again on Saturday morning bright and early. So maybe I will have more.
My dietitian wants me to keep on the strict low glycemic diet I have been on. She is very happy with my progress and is overjoyed that I wanted to see her again after this last free visit. I am happy with my progress and know that I am entering into a new way of living. Now if the rain would stop pouring down I could go out and walk some more in the fresh air.
It is nice to have you all around and for that I am grateful.
More later.
Philip
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