Tough choices

Make sure you have the discussions you need to have with your loved ones now.

You scratch your head and wonder what the heck is up with Philip. Well I will tell you. It was one of those weekends. One of those weekends that led to a brief discussion in a car ride home from watching Toy Story III with the girls that was short but poignant.

It all began with a text about someone being in the hospital. A trip there and to see the situation of a man who was fighting to get out to feed an addiction. A man who is now sedated in ICU to detox. A wife of this man who is trapped in the fact that she has, for so long, been the person who has lived with this addiction beside her. A woman who knows she should do that which she does not want to and is torn.

It was so hard to see. So uncomfortable to watch this situation unfold, the nurses frustration, the anger of the wife and the spiteful need that horribly rolled from the face of the man. It sunk into the core of me. Even now, a couple of days later, I am chilled inside thinking about what I saw.

I turned to Tammy in the car after the movie I had tried to enjoy, but had this separate filmstrip running constantly in the background of my mind, and told her that if I am ever like that she can absolutely walk away. I give you that right to do that today before it happens.

Her response was that what she would do would be out of love. She would have me declared incompetent so that she could do what needed to be done. That I could be placed where she would know that I would be taken care of and she would have that piece of mind that she was doing the right thing.

As with the thoughts of that man in the hospital that revisit me these words hang on and today I am still severely humbled by her love for me and that she would do what she needed to do for me while still being able to maintain her sense of sanity and live how she knows I would want her to.

Saturday night for me was a night of pondering. A night of cataloging the day and pondering the thoughts of tomorrow.

As yesterday is history, and tomorrow may never come, I have resolved from this day on, I will do all the business I can honestly, have all the fun I can reasonably, do all the good I can willingly, and save my digestion by thinking pleasantly.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Oh there are so many reasons to save my digestion from thinking pleasantly today about right now. BUT there is a need to have the talks that husband and wife, two people committed to each other, parents and adult children, and in some cases parents with children that may, if I can pervert Robert Louis Stevenson's words, give us indigestion by thinking unpleasantly.

As reasonable and responsible people we need to make sure that our loved ones know our wishes. As much as we may not want to discuss those possibilities, tomorrow may never come, or at least come in a form that we are cognizant of. I love Tammy for saying what she did. I know that both of us watched at the hospital and had our minds in disarray for the rest of the day as we personally digested what we saw, thought about it and finally that evening after the day was under control compared notes, shared opinions and understood that we cannot understand or predict what will happen with those two impacted by one man's addiction.

That man's addiction and obsession though does impact 3 others, and from that 6 children and those whom love those 3 and 6. Thus things are in motion that need to be in motion. The hospital stepped in and took care of a situation that they could and had power to take care of. Thus the wheels on that life story are progressing forward.

They could move more smoothly though if we take control today over what may or will happen tomorrow. Take control now of those things you need to and talk. Push aside the fears and be pleasantly touched by the love of those whom you love.

as I began I close this thought ...

Make sure you have the discussions you need to have with your loved ones now.