catharsis

a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art
b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
c : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

I needed what just happened.  At first I thought i had made a mistake ... but it was not.  I was so craving a cleansing shower and so I got home from a frustrating day of work. Drug suitcase up stairs and decided screw everything else and I am taping a trash bag to my cast and enjoying some hot water.

NOT.

So I try but unsuccessfully to take a shower. The frustration began when I whacked my cast arm into the wall, then how do I put shampoo from a bottle into the hand that is holding it, then the slap daddy of issues .... how the hell do I clean my right arm with my right hand. Oh Lord you are seriously humbling me. So I gave up and upon climbing out realized I had just as many issues with toweling dry. Plus the humidity of the bag on the arm created moisture under the wrappings which in turn resulted in a mad mad itching.

That was it. The emotions of the last 36 hours that I had been keeping in check won and I fought the tears and total full body sobs for a few (cos they freaking hurt the arm) until I thought no ... let it go. A good 25-30 minutes of uncontrollable crying ends up having a cathartic effect. Accept that you are only human, realize your limitations and begin to find solutions.

I am a mere mortal faced with the daily challenges of this life from strokes to weight to heart to mind to a broken arm and a leg that is jacked up and I will be limited with what I can do. But I can control what I can and work out resolutions for some of my issues.