Anxiety

It was high this evening. Not sure why. Tried to relax with a movie and that did not work. Tried mediation and relaxation methods. Could not get it under control. It was escalating. Panic attack coming on. Xanax headed that off. I hate taking that and resist it until it is the only option. It is too addictive and I do not want to fall into that trap.

Could not get motivated for anything this evening. No exercise, no cleaning, no writing, no reading. I do not like me when I am like this. I feel trapped in my own mind. Screaming to be let out. Yet fearful of what that might mean.

Slowly beginning to calm down. Slowly coming back to earth. Soon the sweet bliss of night time slumber will take over and then hopefully the dreams are peaceful tonight. They have not been the last three, maybe four, nights. Something is churning in the subconscious and I will figure it out eventually.

Thus I take my less anxious self to bed. Good night world. "Good night Philip"

See ya


****UPDATE

I hate that medicine. This morning I lost track of time twice. Once after getting out of the shower and starting to get dressed for work. About 30 minutes later I come back into reality and am wondering why I am sitting there. Then I leave for work and need to swing by the store on my way in. I go to the store and then go home. Am there for 15 minutes before I realize I am supposed to be going to work. 12 hours....that stuff lasts 12 hours and people pop that daily. How can they do that? To me that is insane to spend you whole life in that state.