A new love

A darstardly new love!

So I have cut out many sweets, many dairy products and only recently allowed myself to indulge in some grains via breads and such. But I have found something that forever I ignored. I do not know why or maybe I do. The "original creamy chocolaty hazelnut spread". With 190 calories and 11 g of fat (3.5 sat fat), containing 21 g of sugar and 3 g protien per 2 tbsps this is evil good all ready for consumption. In one 13 oz jar there are 10 servings and I say i have had that many already and am only a third of the way through.

When the needs for sugary dessert hits and strawberrys or raspberries with walnuts and a little drizzle (half a teaspoon) of honey slightly warmed up does not hit the spot then a teaspoon of nutella seems to do the trick. I know....I know.... but I cannot stop.

Sometimes however we have to indulge. This was going to be a completely different posting. As a matter of fact I used my web cam and then uploaded to Blogger. But it became so distorted that I had to let it go.

Then after breaking down and taking my third Xanax in about 4 weeks I began to relax. While wandering around and chasing the laundry gremlin I thought .... did I have dinner. Oh yeah I did have a light snack. I am craving something. How about a spoon of Nutella. That will do the trick and here I am.

But still I need to speak my mind. I had to take a Xanax to slow my anger down. It is not how I want to manage that but I am beginning to realize there is a serious imbalance in me mentally.

1. Is it something psychological?
2. Is it something that is a byproduct of the strokes?
3. Is this being caused by the medicines I am taking?

Questions that I need to get answered. But at least I am asking them. This gives me some sense of satisfaction that it is not traumatically physiological as I took how many psyche classes at the University of St. Thomas. Thus I know enough to know if you are asking the questions it is not something that cannot be treated.

But I end up with anger boiling through my veins during the day and that is just a.) not healthy, b.) not wise and c.) can endanger a job. Thus I need to determine what it is. I know that I am bombarded with negativity from so many at work and that is something that I can only take for so long before breaking. Something has to give and it is not going to be me.

So I now need to start the road of discovery in another direction to determine what it what. I know that my brain is not the same. I know that there are functionalities in my head that are not processed the same way and rerouted through other channels and that is a reality. Maybe this is something I need to get assistance for. Years ago I had a psychologist teach me techniques that help me deal with stress. Now maybe I need techniques to deal with this.

Intersting ... that jar of Nutella is sitting in front of me with the spoon beside it but all I needed was that one helping. I guess we can teach an old dog new tricks.

Living and learning....

See ya!

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