Repair, Learn and Live

Where Am I?

2011-10-08T20:22:00.002-05:00

This blog needs to stay around for me but I fear I may be going silent on here. In the repairing aspect of this journey I have to move on a straight and narrow course of weight loss. I have to and I will not subject my body to more surgery to do this.

So now my focus is here. Losing it by focusing one day at time ... even one meal at a time to lose just 1 lb at a time.

Also as co-chair of the Lupus Walk next year with Sarah I have to focus here on that journey. The dates have been finalized and as soon as I see that they are officially announced I need to update and start running with this.

I also work very hard to post at least a picture every day or every other day here. This blog I fear will eventually morph into something else or a true website as I contemplate taking my enjoyment in photography to a new level.

But this blog needs to stay around. There are hefty chunks of discovery that I went through after having two strokes and I often reference them. It may however go silent in the future and I turn it over to where I only can see the posting.

So I am still here but really over here, here and here! Love you all.

Namaste.

accoutrement

2011-09-16T23:55:00.001-05:00

Tis with heavy heart that I say good bye the week that has past. Heavy because of all the band aids holding it together. Wow. It has been a pricy week full of material destruction and personal brick walls. But it is at an end.

It was not the theft of the prescription sunglasses and Garmin device that hindered my week. Lord knows what else was in my car that was stolen that I have not recognized yet that began my Monday with a flourish. Neither was it the little matter of the fact that to do this they pulverized my window to pieces. No it was that the yellow roses withered in my office due to the fact that I could not get to where I needed with them in time due to the previously mentioned annoyances that placed and aura of frustration over the beginning of the week.

Oh well. After that point it became a roller coaster of delightful instances mixed with climatic issues for the rest of the week. I think I posted a little accordance of this thing called life on facebook as: "A chaotic cacophony of choices leads to obfuscatingly obscure occurrences and hugely hilarious happenstance. Wait, isn't that life?"

Geico was remarkably easy to deal with and set up everything for me in regards to the car. Only a slight smidgen of expense there. While setting this up I thought about the fact that if they wear my prescription sunglasses they might get a headache. This made me smile.

While I left my car at work in the capable hands of the companies fleet of security personnel, sometimes they find themselves challenged to find a simple pen but surely they could not misplace a small SUV, I found delight in my friends that came to my aid. Who sheltered my wounded soul (boy am I milking this or what) in a ride home and then an angelic presence coaxed me out of my house to a session of activity in the gym.

Tis nice to have friends that will gladly drag you around the city and escort you to devices designed to accelerate your heartbeat into catastrophic levels so that you feel alive. Seriously I love it. I do.

Then Wednesday came around. Deep sigh. The day passed with trepidation about the late afternoon adventure. How have the eyes fared? Alas the ability to register light continues to dim slightly, slowly, ever so slowly stripping away my sight. So now we begin to work on a process of hindering the damage that my oh so sensitive pale blue eyes from a northern climb suffer from in aspect to light. Especially sunlight.

Upon hearing my tale of invasion and loss of my glasses the kind ladies of the center took pity on this mortal soul. Your plan will not cover it but we will slash the price ... not 40% not 50% but something higher. The necessary polarized lenses and frame squeaked down to the margin of right at $200 and I believe that was close to 60% off. In light of what I had just learned I had to do it. Shifting finances will be the next course of action.

But they know I am a photographer as a passion. We took some goofy shots in the darkened den ... they get a kick out of my twisted flirting. The giggles and smiles I illicit from these wonderful ladies just makes me smile. It is either smile or cry. The tears can be hid in the kleenex given to wipe the dyes out of they eye they have used to see the scaring and sun damage.

So we trudge wearily into Thursday. Car fixed. Glasses ordered. Just help me get through the day and the aches of the grueling circuit routine from the gym the night before. Had to get out that fear of going blind in the gym .. both a good and bad option. I was only supposed to do 6 minutes in that last session on the bike and I think I got to almost three times that. Focus ... well that was the issue my mind collapsed inward and focused on something, blocking out all else.

Now Friday is here and fading quickly soon to become yesterday. I met Canada today in all her glory ... both the good and the bad. Started early this morning but finally after 12 hours we won for the moment. At one point I think I posted in the groups im thread "orchestrating chaos can be totally exhausting". But the day is done. Dinner invitation for the weekend was accepted yet not finalized. The stumbling block was do I drive over to the northern realms of the twin city or does she saunter on down here.

I have lost my ability to deal with directions since the stroke. I guess that is one of the realities of having your perception center scrambled for a while. I have come to depend upon the Garmin to assist with direction in those realms I infrequently travel. Ah but I was violated in that aspect earlier in the week by some cretin whose mamma is so proud of right now.

So on a whim and knowing that I had to eventually get a new one I ventured into a store that holds the key to removing money from my wallet. Best Buy. To my amazement ... yes I was truly amazed ... I found a NUVI 1450LMT (that is lifetime maps and traffic updates) that was almost $100 off.

It was like those 12 or so people who lifted a car off of the motorcyclist at the beginning of the week - or the friends who approached me about making sure I had the ability to get where I needed without me asking - or those ladies slicing the price of the glasses for me to save my eyesight - or my Gecio representative on Monday who went out of her way to tell me it was only going to be fifty dollars and all I needed to do was let her handle it ... It was the capper on amazing that I had been the recipient of and witnessed through out the week.

I had to get it. I need to know how to get where I am going. It has a larger screen than the others I have had, which is probably a good thing in light of my eyes. I even bought a little traveling case to keep it in so I can take it with me. Plus I just updated the lifetime maps and software.

So it was a week. So maybe the entire week has made my heart heavy with a fair amount of love and kindness band aids as well as the essential leaps and hurdles of life's abrupt lessons this week. It was only material issues, those accoutrements of my world, that were destroyed or lost and the little hiccups in my well being are going to be addressed. I have my eye drops, I have my shades coming and I have my marching orders. I can potentially hold in stasis right now, probably unable to reverse but who knows what medicine will give me in the future.

Chin up. Soft smile on the face. Love in the heart.

Good night. Aloha.

Namaste.

...

2011-08-24T14:28:00.003-05:00

"When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways - either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength."

- Dalai Lama

That was a doozy

2011-08-23T22:03:00.002-05:00

yep .. felt just like that. hinted on Friday that it was coming, I popped a couple of tylenol.

Hinted during class that it was knocking at the door on Saturday morning that it was ready to come in. I used food and caffeine to keep it at bay.

Halfway through the wedding shoot it said "loooocy I'm home."

Lord did that last hour and a half feel like torture.

Home ... download shots so I would not lose them and then hydrocodone doze all day Sunday and most of Monday.

Today the doctors office and clinic visit. Nastiness going on in head and drugs to help bring me back to earth, without the doom doze during the day.

So back to the real world and getting stuff back on track tomorrow. Yehaw. Ain't life grand.

Homework

2011-08-17T18:44:00.001-05:00

Which do I take home tonight? The IT Managers handbook to review SLA creation or the entire two day vendor meeting review?

Choices.

Have to do now as class Saturday morning and wedding shoot Saturday evening and night.

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insomnia

2011-08-12T00:30:00.001-05:00

ninth day now. I have been doing everything I should and no change. I am pretty sure there is a tipping point with this and I fear two to three hours of sleep a night are making me walk that edge. So a doctors visit lookz like it is in order for me. Ugh.
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News FLASH

2011-08-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

The heat broke today .. thank you clouds. Almost spent a month and a half in 100º+ weather to top a record to have it pulled out less than 36 hours away. And people are pissed about that. Don't worry folks that extreme heat will be back by Saturday and then you will all be whining about it.

Sometimes I just don't get people. Actually most of the time. I study them. I analyze them and I think I have them figured out ... then wham - bam - thank you ma'am. I am shut out, dazed and confused. I did not even smoke a joint to get there.

Oh well. Back to the daily miserable grind. I need a reboot on this month I am beginning to realize as I am going broke slowly but surely and the end is not even in site. (not really that bad but it is feeling like it)

So here is to another day, another challenge, one more claustrophobic nightmare of a day at work and then it is rebuilding all the cubicles for the team at work on Saturday. Nope this month is never going to end.

Sigh

Aloha

so waiting

2011-08-08T21:20:00.000-05:00

i know one day it will rain but we are all so so so so soooo waiting for it.

right now

2011-08-07T16:00:00.002-05:00

this would be the ultimate smile right now ... and I am sure somewhere in this world someone is riding a wave right now and this makes the little boy in me totally happy

Watch OUT (Minefield Ahead)

2011-08-07T15:45:00.001-05:00

You ever had one of those days? Weeks? When what is happening is really not all that bad but on the other side of the coin it feels totally horrible. I mean ... no milk! The world is ending. But what if you were only given a little bit of milk each month and someone drank your allotment - would that end in a feud? In a war?

Oh this is a new week and last week is over. Thank goodness. I have had no time for any of my blogs as I am exhausted at the end of the day. I don't have milk in my fridge but I don't drink much of that anymore. It has been a challenging week and I often wonder if I put caffeine back in my day as much as it used to be if I would make it a little bit further into the evening hours.

Oh I have drifted outside of the posting I know but then again you did not know that until I made you realize that milk was in short supply. The week started with a breaking of my heart, a realization of the role that I will play for the rest of my life and acceptance at that, a letter from the Diocese up here that they are done with the collection stage of my annulment, this reminded me that they dissed my foray into priesthood once again and potentially set the stage for me making a couple of tactile errors at work that went right up the food chain and crashed down on my head. All this before the middle of the week.

Sigh. Now where is my caffeine, let alone my milk. At least I drowned my angst at the pour house (I have to watch that as I once mumbled that and people thought I said the whore house - tsk tsk), watch a movie that was truly a movie purely for having been made as such and not much else. I ended this roller coaster of a week with half a think crust lotsa meat pizza watching House with a sexy gal Friday night.

Problem is that I am wrapping my head around lots of things in the waking world but my subconcious is failing in the dreaming world to get everything in line.

Leaves me a little bit lost and distraught during the waking hours. I mean I know what all the freaking ex-girlfriend dreams/nightmares are about - I am coming to terms with the fact that I will be able to totally love a child as a father should but only in the role of an uncle. An uncle I am destined to be for the rest of my life and quite frankly I can deal with that. I don't need to be a dad, I don't need to be a husband. I may end up loving someone again but I rather doubt that. That is not my role in this world. Also this freaking annulment process. Right now I am a bit pissed off and the aforementioned person in the second sentence really pushed me on that process thus the connection with her in my subconscious sleeping mind.

As I mentioned it brought up that annoyance with me about the church somewhat dismissing my attempts to look into the role of priesthood again. I had almost gone that way in the '89-90 years. I looked into it again as a potential calling around '06 and felt a nudge again this year. Obviously the nudges are now just annoyances to me as I have been pulled away after being pushed toward three times now. One of those enough is enough moments. Stupid letter opened up what I thought was closed in my subconscious.

So I sit here, totally exhausted in the blazing 110 degree weather with my thermostat set at 88 so the drain on the blooming grid is not affected by the fact that no matter what - in an apartment built in 1997 - the air conditioning will run all day long in the afternoon unless I turn it off and open the windows. I think in that case I might get to the point where I snap.

Does it really all matter though? I just need to get the freaking subconscious to sync up with what the conscious mind is already moving forward on. I mean I am realizing what it is that I do like about the work role I have played for the last 25 years in all jobs I have had. I am also realizing what it is that I do not like. So now I need to see what it is that I may be able to do that is more in sync with the likes. So I am moving forward on that but I am sure the freaking background mind is going to have a fit. CATCH UP. I can't wait for you to reboot and I am not standing here forever holding the door open.

It is Sunday - new week ahead. Let's see where we end up and yes I have to either get some almond milk or almonds to make my own. Wait I better buy some as I know Wednesday night is going to be tremendously long at work and Thursday morning is going to just roll right into it.

Good day - time to go finish my chores.

Tonight

2011-08-01T23:23:00.001-05:00

If you asked me what I really miss I would honestly tell you. I miss the sound of someone breathing right beside me. Of being able to lay my head against a shoulder or on their chest and hear that sound of life beating a tempo of the miracle of life.

Tonight that is what I miss and this is what will not let me sleep.
..

sigh
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Tea Time?

2011-07-31T20:28:00.002-05:00

Why yes. I am enjoying my daily pot of tea now. Good for the heart and soul.

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Yikes

2011-07-31T19:57:00.001-05:00

A whole freaking month? Well I guess it has been. Heart doctor told me that my heart was broken- told him that happened long ago, with a repeat just a little while ago. He was just joking with me. Sadly I was not.

But he gave me a clean bill of health. As far as the heart goes. He wanted that higher heart rate but I learned that important lesson - my carvedilol is working. It stops the heart rate from escalating. So the hours and hours on the treadmills and bikes where I have tried to raise the heart rate and gotten frustrated are now clear to me.

Was supposed to have a sleep study this last Monday but I was so sick - pretty much in bed all day Sunday and most of Monday. So that got pushed. Sleep is disjointed this week but I think I have been trying to get too much done during the day and not getting there until 11 or 12. That is a little bit late for the new me.

Yep that is weird to write as a year ago I would not, could not get to bed before 1 am. Now that is late. I think that the Colorado trips and the all night driving have my time schedule all a kilter. So time to change. Slowly get that sleeping schedule skewed back correctly.

I know the other part is psychological. I get used to sleeping by myself and become fine with that. When I have to share my bed or sleep in the same room as others I actually sleep deeper. Sleep more soundly than I ever do by myself. Then when that is taken away I fall into a state of having to get comfortable with being all alone again. It goes back to one of those personal deep seated fears.

So in a couple of weeks the routine will be back.

That and listening to others going through challenges bring back thoughts and emotions that are tucked behind doors. It is good. It allows me to explore them with a new perspective, it allows me to spend time on the inner me.

Right now I love the inner me, I love the person I am inside. I can freely and honestly say that I hate the shell though that carries it around. This is my cross to carry, to work on, to continue to fail with changing until I can find that ability to make the correct change. At least I can hold onto that as a hope.

That is me in a nutshell right now. Playing with a 7D and contemplating how to get some different lenses. Trying different routes in life. Living. Loving. Learning.

Namaste my friends.

just have to share

2011-06-29T22:23:00.001-05:00

Read this! (please)

Alpine Swiss

2011-06-29T20:08:00.001-05:00

Don't ask me why we called it that growing up.

Just a ramekin, cheese and an egg cracked on top - bake for 25-30 minutes at 300 degrees.

Enjoy.
.
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Stress

2011-06-23T08:20:00.000-05:00

Do you feel stress? My boss asked if it was more stress having my weekly meetings than the actual stress test would be. I said nether are rather stressful so why should it matter.

So today I itch where they shaved the chest and side. But Maria was nice about it. Aaron was the PA doing the monitoring. They thought I would make it maybe 9 minutes ... well I worked on showing them they were wrong. Issue they had was that they wanted my heartbeat to get to 151 for a minute for a good read. Ha. I knew that was not going to happen so I tried and got it to 138 for the required period of time.

What I am happy about is that the resting heart rate is 110/60 and has remained consistent like that for a couple of months. This is a great thing for me. Means that something I am doing is right.

Real stress? Yes we all have that but you know that is the easy part. Recognize it and then evaluate if it is worth it to be stressed and all the nasty side effects that creep into your world. Usually you can see that it is not. So then it is in your hands. Eliminate it. If you have issues with it go to someone. The person creating it. A professional who can teach you how to work with it and work through it. Accept it for what it is and then advise it that it is allowed to visit but cannot stay for any length of time. Then gently nudge it out the door.

Sounds easy. It is not. But this is a beautiful life we have. So we can take ownership of our own life to a degree or we can let everything and everyone else run it. I chose ownership. I know now how I got here and now I work on getting to where I want to be. Stress ... well you can come and I will ask you to leave. I will accept the stress on the body for testing reasons and then the stress caused by exercise. It is life.

quite frankly .. I LOVE THIS LIFE.

I chose to own it, live it and love it.

What is your choice?

Ups and downs ... downs and ups

2011-06-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

Regardless of all the different places from one to the other and in between .. life is. So we continue on because for each one of us life is not permanent rather it is a now. We relish in this moment, whether up or down, and live for today.

It is the summer of my discontent ... the necessary visits one after another and probably all necessary. The heart exams one week, the cardiologist the next. Before them the diagnoser of my sleep apnea ... and not a moment too soon. Last night was the first night of violent sleep in a while. What woke me up is I managed to remove the machine from the night stand and separate the humidifier part from the rest. I have been so tired recently and it could be that with weight loss and better blood pressure my sleep patterns have changed and the machine might be not benefiting me.

Then the neurologist at towards the end of the summer. Sigh.

We have our ups and downs, our downs and ups ... yet we have to smile at the beauty and wonder of life no matter how jumbled it gets.

Namaste.

Got Three Minutes?

2011-05-18T22:01:00.000-05:00

Right ... the language in this video is NSFW but this is so freaking awesome because at the University of Saint Thomas in Modern Philosophy I think we spent a good 4 weeks on freaking Descartes.

"Three Minute Philosophy" has a handful more from Galileo to Plato (a favorite) to Epicurus and more. Yes I still have books on Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. I am a geek and I admit it.

What the ...

2011-05-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

Yep I agree young one ... if you are on a track heading to this town at this speed and there is another train heading to the town you just came from at this speed how long until they get to their destination. Ummm teacher what about when they hit in the FREAKING MIDDLE. Not in word problem world does that happen.

In the real world a favorite uncle is in the hospital with organs not functioning as they should, a heart with a bacterial infection and then 36 hours into his stay he has a stroke. They have to rush him to another hospital do perform surgery and stem the blood loss. While another uncle has an accident with a wooden stake and a brick wall that ends up in lacerations and stitches and he is almost 40 years older than I. Then the third uncle on that little island across the Atlantic ocean still has no diagnosis on why the white blood cells are up and ability to breathe is down.

Ahhh the wonderful world of socialized medicine in the UK. All we can do here is head to the respective places of faith, light a candle, offer Karma, have a mass said and then answer questions, if they are ever asked, as you have been through part of this and help others recognize the good signs when they happen.

Fun fun week. Now when where those trains getting where ever they were going with a few bushels of cantaloupes? I am on that train.

Stroke - Not a Secret - Talk About It

2011-05-10T17:12:00.000-05:00

Stroke prevention isn't a myth. Yet most people are unaware that stroke is largely preventable.

National Stroke Association challenges you to set down with your family or loved ones once this month to discuss risk factors. Dinner time is the perfect opportunity to talk with family about stroke's impact on your family tree.

Even if your family doesn't live nearby, take advantage of weekly Skype conversations or our awareness ecards and send one out today.

Use the risk factor scorecard to identify personal risk for each person, and then commit to seeing a healthcare professional for follow-up care.

....

2011-04-28T22:02:00.000-05:00

You have just got to laugh at this one ... I know I did ... sad thing is I can relate. Lord I needed that laugh today.

Aloha

Live a little ... love a little ... have fun

2011-04-27T20:25:00.000-05:00

Just a thought. Remember each day to reach out to those the most important in your life and say exactly what you think. Let them know that you are so appreciative of them in your life, that you love them and have a little fun doing it.

You don't have to do it every day to everyone but you can do it randomly here or there. It is rewarding and you never know you may turn their gray skies upside down with that little contact.

All I have to say is that at least in this environment you don't have to listen to me wheezing and hacking away with a spring cold that decided to park itself on me while I am healing a wonderfully happy back. Yehaw ya'll.

Hello everyone. Thanks for hanging around in my blog life. Love you immensely.

Aloha.

Hi

2011-04-25T21:06:00.000-05:00

Its been a few days since I had time to stop in. Last week was busy with boot camp (been scratched from game plan after what happened Saturday night), church events, activities after work and well time was not really there to sit, stop, think and digest. Then of course the back fell to pieces after mass Saturday night and I ended up with a needle injecting steroid into spine this afternoon and super muscle relaxers to take at night.

But between those got to spend time at the Jennings out in Weatherford and really get to know Rebecca's mom and dad more. Plus Nick's sister and daughter came by and of course my wonderful friend Sarah was there with little Eve and Bruce. Good food, great company and the pain meds took the edge off plus the weather was overcast with a breeze so it was wonderful sitting out in the garden on the patio for a few hours in the afternoon. So all in all an adventurous week.

Any plans for this week have been put on hold and I am just taking it all one day at a time right now. Hope you all had a great Easter.

Aloha.

Fugnabit

2011-04-17T22:15:00.000-05:00

Yep I made that up but hey it has been one of those days. Ended this evening with me grabbing the wrong guide after shaving the sides and one fell swoop ... it has to be the same length. That and the bloodshot left eye which is actually normal now for most of the year between allergies and the sunburn (drawback to having light blue eyes). This is me though. Plain and simple me.

Been one of those weekends ya know where a lot got accomplished yet a lot did not. I did endeavor to go to the Main Street Arts Festival but when I got there Saturday night the crowd was just not one that I could deal with and so I left ... hiked the 20 blocks back to my car. Although from what I could see probably not my cup of tea. So two days of Japanese Festival and then a stint at the Museum of Science and planetarium were my cup of tea for fun this weekend ... and then I saw the Blue Angels flying in formation and remembered there was an air show. Next one .. I am going.

So now to iron a shirt for tomorrow and fold what I just pulled out of the dryer.

Aloha and Namaste

Life - sometimes ugh

2011-04-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

There are times when it gets the better of you. There are ups and downs. There are attempts to reach out to people over and over again for what? Because life is and this is life.

This morning I thought of a posting that should be here but now 12 hours later that posting is like the stiff breezes moving through ... long gone. So instead I sit and type nonsense or is it. Astrud Gilberto is playing "The Gentle Rain" and it is beginning to soothe the pent up beast within.

So I have gotten pretty much nowhere since the surgery and it is time again to regroup. Think through different approaches, throw out the crap that crept in and get rid of some remaining bits of trash left over. So clearing out will be the Saturday project this week.

Ugh there is the Earth the Operators manual symposium tomorrow night I have two tickets for, thankfully I never got tickets to Tan Dun's Water Concerto or that would be a Friday night obligation and it is also Main Street Art's Festival this weekend. Holy Toledo Batman it is a busy one alright.

If you want to run you have to jog. If you want to jog you need to walk briskly. If you want to walk briskly you first have to walk. If you want to walk you need to get your fat lazy arse off of the couch and do something about it you twit.

Time to walk briskly into the future.

Phew - today is done

2011-04-06T21:49:00.004-05:00

I thought the day would never end as it started last night with things breaking and updates in the middle of the night and then chasing the rabbit in the morning and ... OH IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. I must be messed up in the head because only when it slowed down at 3:30ish this afternoon did I get to take a breath and realize the day had just become a bore. Yep I like that pace and frenzy as I get to step in and attempt to instigate calmness.

Now however I am feeling the last two weeks. I pushed it hard after coming out of surgery and then ran full tilt tried to take a break this weekend but may have left that a little to late. I did a couple of miles around the gardens yesterday and it was hard. Torso hurts. Today the feet and ankles ache but I attribute part of that as I left work in slacks, shirt, tie and leather shoes and all I did was pull off the tie when I made an impromptu stop at the gardens.

Oh well. I will walk in our Lupus fundraiser this weekend but I may be way at the back of the pack and I am just fine with that. By the way our team totally rocks with the huge leaps and bounds they have made this week in getting to our goal.

See ya.

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Today ...

2011-04-04T13:10:00.000-05:00

... is removed from yesterday. Yesterday from last week. This is all good.

I ran out of steam last week. My mother was very very ill last week. I was sent to the tipping point or maybe boiling point by that one department that we all tense up when we are called to one of their meetings ... and I am not speaking about finance. Oh .. and on that matter I was way over budget at the beginning of the week, figured out why and corrected so I was under and then by the end of week invoices rolled in that made me just resign myself to stamping and sending to the accounting department.

But that was then. Saturday I fixed my computer and did some chores, some that I maybe should not have done yet but they needed to happen. I just don't heal as quickly as I used to. I think all of us who age are like that. I watched a couple of thought provoking movies after talking to my mother. She was home alone on Saturday and was still not well but feeling much better. High fevers through the week and she jokingly (but seriously) says that she is told she said things but it was all in her state of delirium.

I turned off work emails for the weekend and missed pretty much all calls. Spent the Sunday on the water and that was a nice break. So I am a little bit rosy today but hey we only live once.

We are here, and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. ~ H.L. Mencken

This week is more of the same but I took an hour today to listen to Yeol Eum Son who was the 2009 Silver Cliburn International Piano Competition Silver Medalist. I need to do something, although I know not what, for the Lupus Walk this Saturday. I cannot put in any money as with all that has happened this year my money has had to go elsewhere and even though I feel horrible about the fact that I was so motivated at the end of last year life stumbled and I fell with it ... I have to accept this and move on. I can offer my support and that is it.

So when you get all tumbled up in yesterday ... take a time out. Sit on a bench in solitude or with a good friend, a family member or holding hands and resting your head on the shoulder of a loved one. Let that moment of peace take away that tumbling whirling mess and clarity will come. Try it.

Live ... learn ... live some more.

It is not the length of life, but depth of life. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walking story

2011-03-26T22:49:00.000-05:00

It is always "well if you have ever walked in my shoes" or "be in my shoes" but who really wants to walk or be in someone else shoes. I know I am particular about shoes but I guess when I had a grandfather who worked in a shoe factory in Norwich for 50 years and I managed two Stride Rite shoes stores for a handful of years you get to know them really well.

These were a gift from my father in 2008 before blazing through the mountains in Oklahoma. I truly do love these hiking shoes are they have another year in them. Hmm the outer tread is getting low but they have been great to me.

Knowing shoes I know that for exercise I needed good support. These are also aging and desperately need an upgrade but for now I will keep moving along with them. I also have an older version of these that are good for yard work and that is about it nowadays. But I live in an apartment and have no yard so they are good junk shoes for when I just need something that I don't mind trashing around in.

These are brand new. Just got them today. Let me tell you a story. When I was going through all my bills and working with my wife/brother/accountant (well he is my brother, can be like a wife cos he is my unpaid accountant - although in conversations at the beginning of the month he did mention the interest rate he is charging me is compounding in a unique way - well I am digressing) I discovered a gift card for Sears of all places. Why? I thought about it for a while.

As most of you know last year I had a girlfriend, who had a house, in another town, with three little girls. The house needed help and at one point the general course of my life would have had me down there at this point of this year. Alas she left (probably smart as I would have not moved with the promotion I received and would have ended the relationship then) but I had asked for gift cards to places for things for the house (windows, doors, appliances, etc) and I think this must have been one.

So I checked if anyone needed it. Nope. Saw a Sears flyer in the paper at work last week that showed all their shoes on sale so I went and got some sandals. I had been wanting another pair. The Birkenstocks I had in Hawaii finally died when I moved to Corpus Christi and so it has been about 8 years without any. I like these as I have narrow heels so the cinch strap around the back can help in that area.

I know this subject is completely off the wall but maybe not so much. We live and learn and live some more. I have been thinking about love recently. I loved someone last year as a lover - I needed that. I needed someone to defrost my heart and make me realize some things. Realize that there was/is more in me that is broken that needs to be repaired.

So as I walked through the past two years of my life I realize that what I found in love last year I have in love right now but of a kind that is not a lover but a friend. One of those intimate moments of realization that for a person who is not yourself you would do anything for. Love exists on so many levels ... if you believe in a higher power or purpose you know of that unconditional love.

If you are married you know of that love that spirals around the two of you and can be found on personal, companionship and intimate levels. If you are intimate with someone you know of that passion that may be rooted more in lust but is a level of love.

There is family love .. a bond that makes a mother and brother spend time in the hospital while another goes through surgery and the mother stops and listens at your door during the night to hear you breathing before returning to bed. That bond is strong ... can be stubborn, can bend and break sometimes but often heals as it is the love that connects a common thread of genes.

The walk of exploration in my mind this week and last has been a realization roller coaster and I discovered the love of close friendship that for me is something precious. It is a great realization as I have feared loneliness for many years but accepted it as a necessary partner and maybe I am learning that it is not necessary.

So even though the temperature may drop back into the 30s tonight (thank you) from the mid 80s (I got a freaking sunburn today) I will slip on my sandals and keep walking, exploring, learning, repairing, learning, living and loving some more.

Good night.

Thought

2011-03-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a week since I last stopped by - a busy week. Oh and 14 days since they cut me open and last night was the first night where sleep did not come at the seemingly 10 oclock hour. Too many pressures at work I think but this too will end. This week has been long and hard. Essentially (even though last Thurs and Fri where less than 6 hour days) I have been at work for 7 days now. Tomorrow half day working at work, half day at home working on paper work.

See you all this weekend I am sure. But I am healing and that is good.

Time flies

2011-03-18T22:51:00.000-05:00

What was it 8.5 days now since the surgery and healing is moving as it should. Back to work and spreading the time out so that I don't exhaust myself or stress out too much over every little thing that occurs and builds up. Making sure to check that priority list and healing/health are at the top.

So it is now Friday night and I am tired but I wanted to say thanks to all the people who had my back in this one. It will never be forgotten.

Namaste

1st day back - done

2011-03-17T22:38:00.000-05:00

5 hours was the tops for energy level and stress. Taking it easy as I have learned from the past and friends.

I also remembered to wear green.

Have a great day.

Transition day

2011-03-16T22:37:00.000-05:00

Yes - went to the botanical gardens twice today. Covered almost 3 miles in walking but I need to do that more. Doctor's orders. I see the Daffodils dying off yet so many Irises ready to spring forth and the roses beginning to show their first hints of blooms to come. I am happy. Sore ... exhausted ... yet happy.

Tomorrow back to work. Once the release paperwork gets there and LOA cuts me loose.

More to come ...

(for more on Poppy)

2011-03-15T22:33:00.000-05:00

Right it started as a post on my photography blog and ended up truly belonging here ... but in stead I decided to leave where it was and say you can go here for a little update if you wish.

Small window

2011-03-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

I just ingested drugs that will help me sleep and take the pain away. So in the window before the glaze covers my eyes I thought I would update all. Doing OK. Two chunky incisions in my torso. One right above the belly button and one below the sternum. They two puncture holes on the right side of my body ... obviously where hoses were put in for ? I don't know for sure and I was thankfully not conscious when they did the operation.

I do know that they had to administer morphine during the surgery itself as I was reacting to the pain even while under. Obviously I was not happy about that.

So I am here. More to come I am sure. But we are now three plus days removed from that event and the pain is slowly abating.

See you around.

Clinical lines

2011-03-09T20:55:00.000-06:00

Phone has been ringing all evening. It is nice to know people care. Rewarding.

I am going through my checklist from my clinical coach. When to stop food ... done. When to stop liquid ... at least I have until midnight. Medicines for the hospital. Check. Bipap machine - after I use it tonight my res-med bag is ready.

Oh there is one I forgot ... where is that albuterol inhaler. Even though I have not used in about 5 years I have to have my rescue inhaler around.

Two puffs. Check. Leave valuables at home. That is what family is for. My ring and necklace do not come off until the last minute. I like this one ... and this is how it is typed.

YOU CAN NOT DRIVE HOME -- You must make arrangements to be transported by an adult family member or friend.

Now we are running on the assumption that there will be no hospital stay and this keeps to out patient surgery so I must make arrangements for an adult to remain with me for 8 hours or overnight. Phew my mum and brother are on their way so both the transportation and observation are check/check.

Now I have to take a shower tonight and tomorrow morning using this Hibiclens.

So 5 am rise and shine, 5:35-5:40 departure, 6 am check in and 7:30 nap time for me.

See you later.

Weekly Contemplations

2011-03-06T22:47:00.000-06:00

I enjoyed these 5 from last week. Hope they make you think, just a little bit.

Last day of anti-coagulant

2011-03-03T16:36:00.000-06:00

One of the more disconcerting aspects of the upcoming surgery next week is that I took my last Aggrenox tablet yesterday for the duration of the time leading up until next Thursday. I get nervous about that. I had two strokes. We are hoping that this solution of having slightly less coagulation in the blood stream eliminates/lessens the potential for the clots that form in the heart. Thus less potential for one to miss going to the lung where they are normally eliminated and skipping through a yet to be found hole and heading to the brain. Which would be called another stoke.

I am cutting that off so that I don't have a bleed out while they have my body opened up to remove a damaged organ. That is the scary part. The science tells me that the effect of the medicine takes about 21 days to leave the blood stream so it is not like the blood bounces back to normal but it does thicken up a bit.

Sorry just had to get that anxiety off of my chest - look at it face on - consider the alternatives of a bad organ staying in me and producing toxins that have the potential to do way worse than a stroke - and all evens out.

Sense of Urgency

2011-02-28T21:30:00.000-06:00

"We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness: it is always urgent, "here and now" without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point-blank."

When you understand that, when you truly grasp the meaning of this then things click. That has been the last two weeks for me. Profound thought, creating profound decisions which will in turn create profound changes. All because there is a sense of urgency about life that cannot be ignored.

Life is precious and we realize that in moments, but we do not always hold those moments tightly to us. We miss the lesson and it slips on by. We forget that there is a 'here and now' and we drift on into the future or slip into our past and get lost there.

We are always becoming and only realize in the now moment who we are at this instant. I have a hope for the future but what I have to focus on is the here and now. The today moment. If I were to live in the past it is just an evaluation of the damage that I have done to myself. The mistakes that I have fumbled through. The good times that are no more. The triumphs and failures of the yester-me is but a part of me today.

My grandfather, who moved from England with us to America, loved Louis L'Amour books and, as I was an avid reader, I read everything that was around and I read these books. There is a quote from Louis L'Amour, "This I am today; that I will be tomorrow."

Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be ... Everyone has it within his power to say, "This I am today; that I will be tomorrow." ~Louis L'Amour

Today we are someone. We are someone special for there is no other like us. Individual and unique. A spark of creation brought us into being and made us like none other. What we have done with ourselves to this point is all us (whether in the genes, due to where we have come from, choices we have made - all is unique to each individual person). We own that.

Once we realize and truly understand that life is fired point blank at us we can understand that every single decision we make now - in this moment of time - will have repercussions in the me of the future. But we cannot take our eye off of this moment and sometimes, just sometimes, we have to make the decision that is right for this moment.

Love where you have come from. Live for this moment, right now, today. Hope for tomorrow but only with eyes focused on this moment for life is right now. Live now. Love now. Be yourself in this moment. That is my wish for all of you.

Namaste.

Kitchen fun ...

2011-02-28T21:26:00.000-06:00

... just having fun in the kitchen. The dang steak kept rolling so I used those skills I have from having watched Food Network years ago when I had cable, when I had TV. But the end result was real good.

Why not Wednesday

2011-02-23T10:23:00.000-06:00

I have always been a Coca Cola man ... and even though I only have the odd Diet Coke or Coke Zero every now and then I find that Coca Cola always makes me smile. This week Coca Cola has made me smile with a couple of 'Happiness' video postings so why not? Right? Why not share on a Wednesday.

Somehow

2011-02-18T21:40:00.000-06:00

(Note: this is a rambling stream of thoughts bouncing around in my head for a few days and they are about to be spilled out. To hell with grammar, I suck and keeping what comes from my brain grammatically correct sometimes. So all my super smart friends be warned. Thank you)

It is a road that we travel in life that sometimes is twisted, double backs, up a hill, down a valley, summits a mountain and treads water in the great sea of everything. Clarity has risen out of the burning ashes like a phoenix showing its glory of potential in my often clouded head.

We make choices. Choices are one of those aspects of life that we truly own. We make a choice and be it wrong or right we then have that choice for the rest of our life. There are no 'go backs' and 'do overs'. If we make a choice that later appears to be a mistake all we can do is make another choice that is more educated. Hoping that we can correct the errant choice of past in some measure.

There are those choices that we can never resolve. They break something in a relationship, a part of whom we are, something physical inside of us. They create damage that is insurmountable. There is no summit to this cliff and once we accept that we can shift the focus of our intent to working with what we have.

In the last two years I have seen the results of choices made long ago and felt the repercussions. I have had two strokes. I have a PFO. I have loved and lost. I have watched, tried to learn and determine what I should be doing.

I have been working at it little by little but in doing so have uncovered other things. I have, in slowly stopping the damage of weight gain by turning it into weight loss, blown a gasket, so to say. My gall bladder needs to be removed and in 20 days that will occur. I have incurred great debt with all that I have tried to do correct and medical expenses in the last couple of years. All I can do there is chip away at it a little bit at a time. I have what seems to be insurmountable debt from college (not once but twice) that I know will come down over time.

I do not want to stay where I am for more than a handful of years. I need to work on choices that continue to rehabilitate me into whom I once was, while softening the damages already done. I have a thought, a kernel of hope that I have realized in the last few days and I am setting a goal for that hope. I looked at my belts handing on my closet door today and they hang maybe 4 inches off of the top and end merely three inches off of the ground. In all of them I have had to punch more holes. More and more the pants are beginning to fall off even with the belts sinched around my waist. But I looked at those belts and was horrified that once my waist was that big.

I shed a few tears at my horror. I do not want to be that person any more. I have made choices that have damaged my body too much over the years. I will never be able to undo all of that but I believe that I can rehabilitate what I can out of who I am today into whom I want to be tomorrow, next year. I am done with the old me. I have lost so much that I cannot get back. There are bridges that are so damaged they can never be crossed again.

I have a hope, a dream. I know there are few wants that I have but I know that on the pathways ahead of me I will find opportunities and if I make the correct choices maybe, just maybe, those wants will be fulfilled. Some are personal just for me and make me smile, others are tools that I would like to have so that some smaller dreams can happen.

As I think of this and look at the times ... it is cyclic. It was probably two years ago and maybe a couple of days back I had the first of the strokes. I bottomed out in that process in March and began my first cycle of learn, live and repair. I spent last year learning that I can love again and even though it ended so abruptly and shattered my heart I now know of that reality again. I am facing another medical crisis two years later and resolution will be in March. I am done with that cycle. Choice made.

I have a dream. I have a hope. Now to get there. That is my choice. I am making that choice and somehow ...

no not somehow. It will happen

Tick tock

2011-02-17T21:46:00.000-06:00

Well Brianna has not called back and said they have to reschedule again so I believe the day to accurately be the 10th of March. I had hoped for earlier in the month on the third but as the surgeon was going to be out of town that whole week I thought if they are going to cut me open and remove stuff he really needs to be there. So then they went back tho the 24th - my comment to that was, "Well everything is going to go well but just in case I have to be opened up again he will be out of town right, that means I have to go where?" "The emergency room." "Well then I will wait, as I have had enough fun in emergency rooms."

So the family has had to change plans once again to accommodate this move and be my support staff. Ain't family wonderful. I know I have all types of wonderful people here who would get me where I need to be and back again and I love them for that. But who will put up with my crap when I am healing and am a total half in and half out of consciousness twit. Nope I know I am not the greatest patient and I will do stuff that I am not supposed to if there is not someone around to stop me and do it for me. So family rocks. They will but up with me.

Love my family and love my totally wonderful friends too.

Time to take a pain pill and hopefully slip into slumber land. Good night.

Thursday Tomfoolery

2011-02-17T11:46:00.001-06:00

As my dear friend Lisa B said in her email with this link ... "Just a little something to brighten your day, courtesy of my student, 'Beaker.'" I could not have said it any better. Although in our lab days in high school I was always 'Beaker' and my good friend Barry was always 'Bunsen' ~ were we just muppets in the mad scheme of the educational machine? Who cares? Time for some tomfoolery.

UPDATE

Just opened social network link and found this one waiting for me there ... made me smile. Dr. Who and Daleks all on the same day ... plus a boxer to boot!

Tasty

2011-02-16T20:03:00.000-06:00

Amazingly it is a lot simpler than it looks ... well not the meal but sure the meal. Essentially this one is just a salad, turkey meatballs in a Cabernet marinara sauce (extra garlic) with mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Tasty ... super low carb content, good protein and good fats. But what I am going back to is what my nutritionist, after the strokes, had me doing. It always made me feel healthy. It is just two good handfuls of salad (I prefer a herb salad with flavorful greens ... this one was what was on sale and my budget for groceries was super tight and not my favorite) and then protein. I fleshed this meal out with the sauce to add a few more carbs to get my quota for the day of healthy ones.

I like eating like this though. Salad and protein. For lunch it was chicken breast with herb greens and broccoli with a little bit of cheddar on top. Simple. Fulfilling. Good for me. I like eating like this.

I spent some time talking to Nathan and Raymond today at work. Both have done remarkable things for weight loss and both have not had nearly as far to go as I do but everyone finds their own way. Nathan did his through a shake and banana for breakfast, a 90 calorie bar snack, shake and fruit for lunch, 90 calorie snack and healthy choice dinner. Twice a week he allowed himself to enjoy, once at the weekly Tuesday team lunch (not over indulge but enjoy) and once on Sat or Sun with the family out for a meal. Raymond is taking the Jenny Craig approach.

I find that I cannot do that routine. I need to have the ability to chose. Same thing every day would drive me batty. So I am truly enjoying the course of simple breakfast (no grains), low carb snack, salad and protein lunch (it can be flounder, salmon, tilapia, beef, chicken, pork, eggs ... whatever I want it to be), protein shake or snack in afternoon and then veg/salad and protein for dinner. I am feeling clean again. Feeling like I did when I followed my nutritionists advice. Not all the way though ... she was totally restrictive on dairy and fats ... we all need some healthy fats in our day.

Enough of my rambling. Have a great day.

dang

2011-02-14T20:51:00.000-06:00

-6.8 lbs last week. water weight? too much going on? not eating wasted carbs? cup of tea every day? freaking fear over the fact that the surgeon is going to have to cut you open and you are trying to get some of the fat cells out of the way before then?

Probably a little bit of all of them. Whatever it is I think I will keep on doing it. But not that aggressively.

good night.

Weekly Contemplations

2011-02-11T23:38:00.000-06:00

Spicy Quiche

2011-02-09T22:29:00.000-06:00

Spicy Quiche (my variation on a sausage quiche recipe)

1 pound beef, browned
8 ounces cheddar cheese, shredded (I used a spicy cheese blend with jalapenos)
6 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
dash pepper
1 cup heavy cream

Put the beef in the bottom of a large pie plate, needs to be a nice deep pie plate. Top with the cheese, I only used about 6 oz as my pie plate is shallow (jalapenos if you want them). Beat the eggs, salt and pepper, then beat in the cream. Slowly pour the egg mixture evenly over the beef and cheese.

Bake at 350º for 35-45 minutes until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Let stand about 10 minutes before cutting.

6-8 servings:
Per 1/6 Recipe: 607 Calories; 52g Fat; 31g Protein; 3g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 3g Net Carbs
Per 1/8 Recipe: 455 Calories; 39g Fat; 23g Protein; 2g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 2g Net Carbs.

I served myself my 6th of the quiche with a spinach/herb salad, a dollop of sour cream and a dash of wonderful Tabasco sauce. It was totally wonderful. Leftovers in the fridge for lunch with salad Thursday and Friday at work and one half frozen for later in the week or beginning of next week.

Weekly Contemplations

2011-02-04T21:51:00.000-06:00

...

2011-01-28T22:59:00.000-06:00

I saw that phone number when I got back from a meeting ... I knew. I thought do I just call but there is a message. I knew ... listened anyway. That simple "call me at home" meant not much but the sound of the voice. I knew. I called. He didn't really have to tell me anything - he knew I knew. But he did.

"Earlier in the day," he said. Which was about 16:30 ish GMT, so 10:30 ish CST. Both his sisters were there. The home care nurse had told them soon, real soon this morning. So both of them were there instead of it just being Maria.

I asked if he needed me to do anything. I knew he would say no but if he would have said come down for the weekend I would have. Obviously they had talked - his sister's and him. They had noticed that it was pretty much 3 years and two months after grandpa had gone and right about the same time of the day. She had just slipped away.

We said our good byes and I hung up. I sat there, then walked out of the office and back in. Sat down. We had known this was coming. Dad had gone home to let her know she could go. She had been in a coma since then. Why was my face wet.

I thought and walked over to the directors office peeked in and he said, "not now". I stopped. I backed up an little bit. Then I moved forward again and said, "sorry to interrupt your day but my Grandmother just died." Thankfully he did not choke on his potato chip. So then the apologies and concerns .. I told him that I thought I would go home and finish the day out. He was fine with that. "Are you going for the funeral," he asked. No I can't afford that expense nor the time.

I thought I was prepared. Emotions tumble and stumble all into themselves.

In responding to some friends on facebook I realized why this roller coaster was happening:

thanks ladies .. tis interesting that we know what is going to happen. we prepare for it in our minds. we accept that what will occur needs to occur. then when it happens it is almost as if all the preparation was for naught. I think there ...is a huge connect to a son has lost his mother, that son being my father. the loss of my mother would be really sad for me. he is her first born, I am my mother's first born. hmmm .. I will stop pondering now and finish my work from home.

I related to my father on a level of one of my future thoughts that I do not want to have but need to recognize as real. But in coming home the day has just been a cacophony of errors emanating from the office and bleeding constantly into my home space. 9 more minutes until it all shuts down for the day.

Then maybe my mind can analyze ... maybe a good cry is in order. Then the sweetest angel in my world sent me a text that I may have to follow up on.

Sending love your way. If u need escape Rebecca and I (Eve too!) are here for you.

Thank you sweetheart.

Thank you to my team who tried so hard to go on with out me this evening. Maybe this all happened for a reason. Peace and love - PC

2 minutes

2011-01-25T21:46:00.000-06:00

Click on this this link, and try not touching your mouse and keyboard. To some it may be more difficult than you think. If you don’t succeed, try, try again.

na na na na

2011-01-25T21:22:00.000-06:00

included was this tag line

I hear that there are actual lyrics later on in Land of 1,000 Dances, but other than the occasional 'I said,' I've never listened long enough to hear any of them.

and while posting this he updated it .... Na (Make It Better)

Land of 1000 Dances

bonne nuit

2011-01-24T22:06:00.002-06:00

Bonne nuit ma grand-mère. Votre fils vous embrassé bonne nuit et vous faire savoir qu'il partait pour l'Amérique de demain. At-il vous faire savoir qu'il était temps d'aller, le temps pour vous de faire ce que vous devez faire? Je l'espère.

So this evening, UK time, my father said good bye to my grandmother for the last time. Let me rephrase that ... said good bye to his mother. I cannot fathom that right now. To me that is so overwhelming of a thought. I need to focus on my grandmother and not my mother.

She has a catheter and appears to be almost in a coma. Did anyone bother to tell her that it is just fine for her to evolve into what comes next in this universe? I really hope so. From my mother, this evening, I heard the story of her friend making it to the hospital in South America where his father was. He picked up his father's hand to let him know that his son was home. In that instant his father pulled in his last breath. He waited.

Some people are like that .. they wait. Some are asked to wait on life support until family members get there. Some cannot hold on any longer and have to let go.

Grandma held on. Grandma needed to see my father. I hope she is not waiting for the rest of us to show up. Some it has been twenty years since they have been back, others were there, the youngest niece has never met her and I doubt the baby boy remembers her. They have upped the morphine and that means she is in pain. That I do not like. That pains me.

Fly sweet lady. My great grandmother asked for a ride in the car. A ride through the countryside, at least that is how it has been told to me. I knew her. I knew my great grandmother and that is a luxury not many have. She took that ride to see the flowers, the greenery of the natural world, the peaceful English countryside with larks singing in the sky, smiled and closed her eyes.

Fly with the larks or flash from the trees over the streams like the brilliant kingfishers. Oh I have not thought of either of those birds in so long. I loved watching both of those specific birds in the countryside .. and then those most majestic and magnificent owls. Take flight beautiful lady.

Godspeed.

Tomorrow morning (two hours from now it will be 6 am) and my father will climb into a car with his brother or sister and begin that trip back to London. Climb aboard a plane and head for home. Will his mother have taken flight by then, will my grandmother have slipped these mortal coils. Part of me hopes so. This way maybe his pain will be less in heading home, leaving the place of his birth, the place of all of our births.

Godspeed my father. Travel in peace. Love you. Love mum. Love my brothers, my sister in law and all my family. Love to my wonderful friends.

S'envoler bel oiseau, envole-toi belle dame.

Deep Dish Pizza Quiche

2011-01-23T22:35:00.000-06:00

Servings:

8

Ingredients:

4 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
4 large eggs
1/3 cup whipping cream
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon minced fresh chives
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1 cup shredded Asiago cheese
2 cups shredded full-fat mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup tomato sauce
2 cups sliced mushrooms, sauteed (or whatever you would like for the veggie on your pizza)
2 Italian sausages, casing removed, crumbled, and cooked (as above - whatever you like)

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Butter a 13 x 9-inch (32.5 x 22.5-cm) baking dish.

In a food processor, blend together the cream cheese and eggs until smooth. Add the cream, Parmesan, chives, garlic, and oregano. blend until smooth.

Scatter the Asiago and 1 cup of the mozzarella in the prepared baking dish. Pour the egg mixture over the cheese. Bake for 30 minutes.

Spread with the tomato sauce. Scatter the mushrooms and sausage over the top. Cover with the remaining 1 cup mozzarella.

Turn on the broiler and broil about 6 inches from the heat until brown and bubbly. Let sit for 5 minutes or so before cutting.

Per serving:

Effective carbohydrates: 3.5 g; Carbohydrates: 4 g; Fiber: 0.5 g; Protein: 16.3 g; Fat: 25g; Calories: 305

watching da' clock

2011-01-23T22:27:00.000-06:00

essentially an update:

8 pm which is 2 am in the UK provided no updates at all today. Presumption by many must be that all is the same as it was yesterday.

Personally I know that I would be an emotional wreck. I might not show it so much on the outside but on the inside I would be falling to pieces. Those who know me well would get to see me break down as for them ... for them the wall would come down.

So I presume nothing. For it could be that those walls fell to the ground and something did happen. In that state, if I am like he as I am made of his DNA, maybe you would not want others to know you that way.

So we sit waiting, watching da' clock.

Yes I know that is a strange word to use there for many but da kine is da best kinda Hawaiian Pidgin. This is me. Something so different to break up the oppressive emotions of sitting there waiting for news, unable to do something, anything.

Good night

Just a matter of time

2011-01-22T23:04:00.000-06:00

Well dad made it home Thursday. Amazingly on the flight over no one was in the row with him or the row in front. As a matter of fact, he told mum, there were a lot of empty seats on the plane. So the eight our trip was uneventful and smooth. He was able to get up a few times and walk around - do his exercises less that disc in his back give him lots of grief.

My Uncle Gerald met him at the airport and they had a spot of tea or coffee and then the drive from London to Norwich. They went straight over to see grandma. She was there and she knew who he was. So Thursday she was cognizant of who her son was. She had not eaten any food for almost 3 weeks and had a morphine drip. Still at home with home care there in the morning and evening and one of her four children there during the day.

Now the nurses from home care have to stay with her overnight. She was waiting for dad to get home. We all knew she was. She was aware, as I mentioned, of whom he was on Thursday, on Friday she had only a couple of oz of liquid and still knew him, today she was in the bed the entire day with her eyes closed almost all day. She was, and this is second hand information, not seemingly aware of much around her and a couple of comments issued from her mouth that ... were they dreams coming forth or is reality slipping away.

On the phone with mum this afternoon, evening there, I think the enormity of this hit my father and through the tears he hoped that his mum would go soon. The doctors think it will be any day now. This is not something anyone wants to contemplate but it is a reality so many of us must face at some point in our life.

I find these things out when I go calling for the information. Much of this information would eventually make it to me but who knows when. Thus I find out this after spending 20 minutes on the phone with my brother and then another 40 minutes with mum. Thus it is 10:40 at night and I sit in the living room thinking how does one deal with this type of information when the only people around that he knows and loves are asleep.

So I sit here ... sharing with the internet. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I was thinking this morning that most of my friends are women. My best friend is a beautiful lady with a wonderful little girl.

There are times that I want to share things with someone but may be on a topic that I wonder about ... the proper nature of man and woman that was drilled into me in an upright era growing up in England. With an era from just before my time that enforced the man does not have emotion and thus I wonder if the rage that is built up in the men my father's age is not a result of repressed emotions from years past.

Then again if emotion was displayed it was in private and being the young boy growing up there I would not have seen this, being four hours away when my grandfather died I do not know what processes my family went through. By the time we had the funeral in Norwich two or so weeks later there were minimal tears and maybe all the grieving was done, or maybe it was repressed.

Regardless, now it is just a matter of time. My grandmother had her last wish fulfilled I believe. To see her son. Her first born there to say "hello mum, I love you" and let her know that it is now in her hands.

It is always just a matter of time.

Good night friends, good night fellow bloggers, good night internet.

All about choice

2011-01-22T09:22:00.001-06:00

Will I eat pasta? From time to time possibly. Will I eat lots of bread like I used to? No I just can't do that anymore. Do I use sugar in coffee and tea? Not anymore.

Something I am learning. Limit those indulgences to really an extreme measure thus they become little morsels of total enjoyment, while making the right choices every day.

Will I still enjoy a piece of cake, cheese cake or pie? At times I will but I usually only chased them at special occasions anyhow so I am not missing much. What about chocolate? Sure I will have that - mainly dark with berries in it. Surprisingly I have found that dark chocolate with raspberries in the bar have much less carbs than just a plain dark chocolate bar. Now of course I, unlike my Uncle, can consume a chocolate bar over the course of a few days, he wolfs it down in 10 seconds.

I find that I am more satiated with proteins and vegetables. Above was last nights dinner after work. A thin steak cooked in a hot skillet (ended up being just over medium), celery, there are also carrots and a little mozzarella sun dried tomato combination. Very fulfilling and refreshing - I really like raw vegetables, or just slightly steamed.

These choices of protein and vegetables was what the nutritionist I had for a couple of months after the strokes taught me. It also matches what Krystal (who has brilliantly lost over 100 lbs) has shown me works in her lifestyle of low-carb. It is what I realize makes me feel so much better inside.

So it is all about choice. When faced with an option you choose. Do you choose something healthy that tastes great and is good for you or do you choose something that is not so healthy that tastes great and is probably not so good for you? I choose the first choice of great and healthy with a reality check that every once in a while I may need my mint chocolate chip ice cream single scoop (not double).

Good day to all.

News

2011-01-19T21:38:00.000-06:00

Currently my dad has been in the air for a little bit less than 3 hours so another 5 to go. I really don't envy him. I am not a traveler who can sleep due to my need for control in those situations. So those overnight flights back to England always do me in. I am totally exhausted by the time we get there and I then have to get from London to Norwich. No easy feat on little or no sleep. At least my Uncle is picking him up from the airport.

Me, I have my 3 month check up today. Good news. My weight loss is now at 83 lbs for the total duration since March of 2009. I have lost and managed to keep it off. I continue to lose and that is good. Kidneys, liver and all those internal organ tests came back right where they need to be. My pre-diabetes number is shifting away from the diabetes side of the spectrum and that is a plus.

I like what my doctor told me today - he is really real sometimes - "it is good that you are moving away from the diabetes side of things but I don't want you to think that if we shift far away from that, that you will never have diabetes. Reality is, Philip, that the lifestyle you lived for so many years is going to haunt you for the rest of your life." It is a sobering thought but one that I have always understood. I like it when a doctor is both and optimist while being a realist.

Now however I have to go see a surgeon and that does send alarms up and down my spine. But I will go and see what he has to say. Second and third opinions are always a good thing. So we shall see where this all goes but guess what .. it is all good and necessary.

We live, we learn, we adjust and repair what we can and then, for kicks and giggles, we keep on living.

Good night.

Nice ending to the weekend

2011-01-16T22:37:00.000-06:00

Some days I have a little bit of time left in them to go to my friends and fellow bloggers sites. Anni has some beautiful images of water on her site that I need go back and contemplate but on my favorite french ladies site was this vid. Thought yep time to post this and then off to the world of slumber. Good night all.

"I'll stand by you" - say it if you believe it.

Chilly start (makes me happy)

2011-01-11T10:02:00.000-06:00

With a sharp brisk arctic driven wind the temperature finally plummeted to 22 degrees F and with that wind made it feel like 9 degrees F this morning. I was able to finally pull out my favorite full length wool overcoat. I have always loved overcoats and had one since I bought my first one in high school. I admit that I did not have one nor need one when living in the islands but now I get to wear a spectrum of clothing and the winter time clothes are my favorite.

Enjoy your day.

Vibes

2011-01-09T15:49:00.000-06:00

Last night, actually yesterday afternoon early evening time, I had that strange feeling that something was not alright. I did all my mental checklists yet the feeling persisted and when it came time to go to bed I knew it was not a worry about me but something was not right. There was a vibe of uneasiness, a sense that something was out of kilter.

I sometimes hate that ability I have to pick up on things that I really don't need to know about but also do need to know about. But this one was made clear this afternoon with a phone call to my parents. It was snowing outside, kinda of senseless to go anywhere. Just finished cooking up lunch and rearranging the freezer. So while watching the snow fall I called dad. His answer to the phone told me something was up. It is my grandmother. His mother. Kidneys are failing. She has decided it is time to move on.

Let's review the little hiccup in being able to do anything about this. She is in England with my uncle and two aunts and we are here in the US. So now dad is hoping she will hold on. Trying to get a ticket home. Last time I was home was with him Christmas of 2007 to bury his father, my grandfather. This time I venture he is going to have to go alone.

Never easy. Is it supposed to be hard? I sometimes wonder about that. But she is well into her 90's and has battled diabetes for thirty or more years. I just hope she is able to hang on long enough for dad to get there. It is his mother. I know that I really don't want to consider the loss of my mother but this is now all real for him.

Hang on grandma, your oldest born is coming home.

See these vibes are sometimes left alone but when they impact me, well they can never be left alone.

Wacky Wednesday

2011-01-05T19:54:00.000-06:00

A couple of holiday leftovers to make you smile. Did you think I had forgotten Lisa?

First one is just funny, second one actually has a sense of beauty to it. Enjoy.

Somedays just gotta be lazy

2011-01-02T21:43:00.000-06:00

That was today. Sure it started off with a couple of loads of laundry at 6 this morning and then some issues that had to be taken care of, but by noon it was all about what? Well what this lad is trying to do is understand more of the culture from whence I came. I have been grabbing links to get daily feeds from the British Monarchy, the different media forms emanating from the British Isles and more research into the history of the place that was my first home.

I grew up on BBC and when I had cable service every choice was controlled by what plan had BBC America. Well now I am chasing the other aspect of that broadcasting service in the different channels of radio play. Today marked 60 years of The Archers on BBC4 and there were episodes being played all day long on BBC7. I was trying to wrap my head around the magnitude of a 15 minute show running for that long and creating a history that is immense on their website.

When all of a sudden everything stopped. And shifted to a 210 minute long program of CS Lewis - The Last Battle (the seventh book). Oh to be pulled back into the world of imagination where the voices guide the imagery created in your head. Time slowed to a halt as the mind was captivated. Enjoyable. Marvelous. Rewarding. All express my sentiment for those hours not stolen but experienced.

Then it was off to Esperanza's Bakery and Cafe for dinner with a delightful friend whom I have not seen since 1988. Long time when you think about it like that but just building upon the descriptive words above. Enjoying a different setting, answering questions and me rambling on. And on. and ON. Until they almost turned out the lights with us in there. Then standing in the chilly outdoors talking until feet were getting numb. But to further my adventure of nostalgia and re-emergence for the day I was presented with the gift of this last seasons Dr. Who to enjoy.

Now the question is do I start one now or shut down for the evening. Lazy day but work tomorrow so I know what choice I should pursue - but will I?

Good night.

PS. Thanks Lisa.

Tis a good thing

2010-12-31T09:21:00.000-06:00

I maintained through the 5 weeks of the Holiday Season ... even dropped just a wee bit. That is all I asked for knowing the challenges ahead of me at the end of November. I am a realist in that aspect - I know my limitations and I understand the situations I face. Maintaining is great. Now I can focus more on what I need to focus more on and start chipping away at that number. I at least have a good baseline for tomorrow and the start of another 365 day progress report.

Happy New Years Eve to all.

Thankful Thursday

2010-12-30T04:29:00.000-06:00

Wacky Wednesday - reboot

2010-12-29T21:27:00.001-06:00

Wacky Wednesday

2010-12-29T21:01:00.000-06:00

It is about to start - you know that right. First one will be at 01:01 on January 1, 2011 - 01:01 01-01-11. Then at 11:11 on the same day 11:11 01-01-11, then at 01:01 on 01-11-11 followed by 11:11 01-11-11. It goes on and on. The binary brains will have field days with this 0101010111, then 1111010111, followed by 0101011111 and 1111011111. Of course they don't really translate in a binary converter but the brains will look for patterns and meanings.

There will be groups that spawn around 20:11 on the 20th day of the 11 month of the year 2011 ... think about it 20:11 20-11-2011. What about those who love order? At 07:08 on September 10th, 2011 - 07:08 09-10-11.

I am sure there are many more that will spring up through the year. Cosmic alignments, sunsets of antiquity, auroral alignments and the green worm comes out of the pink apple when there is a series of ones divisible by two.

Just remember ... it is wacky Wednesday and I warned you first.

Normalcy

2010-12-28T22:55:00.000-06:00

What is that? How does one get that. I have no clue. I think if we can move along with the status quo then there must be some level of normalcy happening. So gall bladder is under control currently. Cough is still there but tightness in chest is lessened and it has moved on back up into the head. Yipee. NOT.

But another messed up work week with me only being in the office 3 days and learning the ropes of this new job of manager in the corporate world. Then the extended weekend and well how about that it will be 2011.

Just stopping by to say hi as I fit into this new normal job schedule. Rather unusual to me so I have a feeling postings will be erratic for a while until I get all the kinks worked out and a routine in place.

See ya.

Wacky Wednesay

2010-12-22T06:17:00.002-06:00

Freaking weekend

2010-12-19T21:35:00.000-06:00

Been an interesting one. But I did get to learn something ... I like morphine. Maybe not a good thing to say but when you are in the hospital and in as much pain as I was in Saturday morning, the nurse comes in and says the doctor said I could give you some morphine. I just lay there and say "that is nice as long as it will" ... (she now has the syringe shooting it in my IV) ... "make me lose the pain .. how long does it take for this to work? I feel warm inside. You are nice." Nurse Jessie, "have you never had morphine before?" Me, "I don't think I ever had ... is this a silly smile on my face." Nurse Chris came in to tell me I have to drink half of the barium solution now and the other half in 30 minutes. Asks me my name ... I say, "I am loopy." He is like, "huh?" Nurse Jesse, "First time on morphine."

Finally at 7 am I get some sleep to be woken up in 30 minutes for the other half of the solution. To be woken up again to get rolled into the CT scan of my abdomen. Finally my favorite doctor (remembered me from a year ago in ER room number 2 - heart incident on March 5, 2009 - go back the to the first postings in this blog) came in to confirm what he had already told me he suspected. Gall bladder. Given drugs (a strength of Vicodin I did not even know existed) and stuff for the stomach and nausea. So crawled to the pharmacy, got meds, crawled home and then took the pain pill. That was pretty much it for Saturday.

On top of that I think I have a sinus infection and have been around too many people with strep this week so first order of business tomorrow is to get an appointment with my doctor. Get him to get the ultrasound and CT scan from the hospital and see where he wants to go with that. Hopefully convince him that I need something to kick this infection and then get on with this week.

All this after I was promoted to IT System Support Manager last Sunday and it was finally made official to my team on Friday (my day off). So it was truly a whirlwind week. I think I will be popping a pain pill here in a few short moments that will cast my into oblivion for a few hours. But some of you will hear about this through others on the coconut wireless so I figured I would lay it all out now.

So here is to a less eventful week ahead. That and a longer Christmas break as I am now truly a member of corporate America with the schedule that coincides with the home office. Wow first true M-F 8-5 job ever.

Peace to all.

For Fun Friday

2010-12-17T06:15:00.000-06:00

This video was complied with 270 movies that were produced or distributed in 2010. If you would like to see that list in order of appearance with this short go here.

Wacky Wednesday

2010-12-15T22:22:00.000-06:00

Can you name all 50? Smile ... it's Disney.

Twisted Tuesday

2010-12-14T14:14:00.000-06:00

Well I have had an up/down day ... lots going on at work and those of you in the know know what I am talking about. It is happening and this is the middle of the process. So I tried to bake but am so distracted I goofed and missed a step. Getting frustrated so I watched a movie that I just got back from T. Enjoyed it but was bitten by the melancholy bug as there are things in that movie that I enjoyed with her as she got them the same as me.

Sigh

... so I put everything aside and am getting ready to go back to work for the second time today. I opened facebook for a quick spin and found that Bethany Shady (Sidekick22) had posted a little video. It made me smile.

So in the twisted up and down world of a Tuesday I give you the T-Mobile ad created at Heathrow's Terminal #5.

Good Weekend

2010-12-12T16:19:00.002-06:00

These are the tiniest gems no bigger than my thumb and came direct from my mother's backyard orchard. I came home with grapefruit, clementines, oranges and these .. a true citrus fest.

It was a good weekend. A little slow of a start Friday morning but then settled into a low pressure two days spent with the family. My brother came out of his school mode for a while, my other bro and sis took mum, dad and I to a Mongolian cafe where, outside of it being so noisy I could not hear people next to me talking, I was able to design one of the hottest (spice wise) meals I have ever eaten. Loved it.

Then a little no pressure for me shopping on Saturday morning and eventually the four men in the family (hmmm three brothers and my dad - yep that is four) laying the first layer of flooring of the storage shed while the wind changed direction and that northerly front moved in. A quiet drive home. Three loads of laundry and now am back to my work week.

All in all a good weekend.

Where ... time ... when ???

2010-12-05T22:15:00.000-06:00

Well it has been a few days hasn't it. It seems to have flown by for me and there are still so many things on my to do list I ... wait ... sorry there were three things that I had thought about adding to my board today that I just had to add now before I forgot ... now where was I ... oh yes, so many things on the list that we all probably have to do at this time of the year yet I have so little time. There is so much happening at work, so many cultures of the business I am trying to impact, training programs I am creating that need to start this week with a new employee and possibly another new one in the week ahead.

Personally I like the thought of giving people a job right before Christmas.

Work has been so full though. When I finished working on my payroll information for last week I realized I worked every day (not all full shifts though). Too much ... or is it?

This was me as a store manager for most of my adult life. Working 12-16 hour days and being really involved in the process every day. I thrive on this on some sick level. The season I truly despise for the commercial retail driven chaos that it has become was also the season of make or break for many business that are consumer driven. Thus the busiest and surprisingly when I happen to be at my most comfortable level. I settle in ... time slows down yet there is never enough time. Things explode and I bow out of the shock wave and roll with the curls of the ocean waves riding just ahead of the break while observing the cacophony of stress around me.

I love to snatch people up in my teams at this time of the year when they are about to explode and help them diffuse. Part of why I have planned lots of little events for my team in the coming weeks to allow the stranglehold of pressure to loosen and their creative energies flow.

I just don't buy presents anymore and that removes me from the terrible thought of having to face that some level of agoraphobia I seem to exhibit in malls and big box stores. Such a level of stress is done. The few items for the nieces and nephew have been taken care of a while ago. I did Christmas cards this year and well that is about it for the money flow and for the need to subject myself to unnecessary stress. I should probably use one of the Border's reward coupons they keep sending me to see if I can find one of my Zen calendars. First thing on a Monday morning would be good with a cup of green tea.

Have I been wandering in this post? Should I read back over it and see if it makes sense. Nah. Let it be. I have my moments of letting people see the wandering mind and then it all slams shut and gets locked up once again.

Sigh I need to find some time to research that which I have been discovering about stroke patients. I need to look into the facts about the 2 year rule of the largest strides all happen within 2 years ... gives me about 3 months before that time is up. I have read a few things that support what I believe ... you just have to work a little bit harder after those two years to gain more in the world of improvement.

I'm here. Challenged a little bit to keep on top of the blog and social media world, but I know that the real world around me, the world within me and the family and friends I have, can see and touch, talk to and laugh with are more important than the blog world, the social media buzz will be the first that I shut out.

So I raise my bottle of water (these really great stainless steel bottles were half off at World Market last week and are awesome) in a toast to the aspect of time - that you and I will have some in the days ahead for our peace of minds, chilling with the season and living a little bit of this precious gift of life.

Namaste

Wacky Wednesday

2010-12-01T20:27:00.000-06:00

OK I love the Mythbuster guys ... one of the few shows that I always tried to watch when I had TV. Combine them with Craig Ferguson (crazy Scottish American) and you have a mixture for fun.

National STROKE Association - redesigned

2010-12-01T11:51:00.000-06:00

National STROKE Association's website has been redesigned. Check it out.

Dinner on the go

2010-11-26T19:49:00.001-06:00

Yes, one can eat well on the go. Fusion rolls. Rice paper, crab, shrimp, avocado, lettuce, cucumber and carrot. Happy me is a healthy me.

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Aphasia

2010-11-25T11:54:00.001-06:00

You know I have the holiday all to myself and I was getting ready to go to work (from home - love that option when the office is closed) but had a few moments to read my most recent Stroke Smarts edition that came yesterday. I had to both smile and cry at something I read on the page 12 article. The article is called Aphasia Recovery.

What you may not know is that I lost the ability to do calculations and mathematical functions after my strokes. I had to turn my bank account over to my brother, who himself has a lot on his plate, but I love him for taking on one more challenge in his world. I can do percentages in my head and large number approximations but forecasting with something that is critical just is like ... walking through a pit of mud up to my neck while a blade pendulum swings overhead. It just is hard and causes so much stress inside my head.

I have always thought that maybe I was going insane in that area and have struggled to deal with this and not look like I am just mooching off of my brother's accounting skills. But it seems so real. That is why this article was so profound.

Aphasia is an impairment of language. Stroke survivors with aphasia might be unable to use and comprehend words, but aphasia does not affect intelligence. It is a common problem for many stroke survivors and might make it hard to:
Talk
Understand what other people say
Read
Write
Use numbers and do calculations
No two people experience aphasia the same way ...

Wait ... yep I saw that too. I read more and now have some where to go. I am not insane ... that last bullet point is my form of aphasia. It is such a relief to know that something you struggle with daily since March of 2009 is not all in your head ... then again it is in your head because of what was damaged in it.

But now I have direction. I have somewhere to go. There are resources and a National Aphasia Association. I can learn ... then work on repairing what I can and keep on living.

It is a day of gratitude and maybe this is my gift for the day. I am thankful of that. Truly I am.

Wacky Wednesday

2010-11-24T10:46:00.000-06:00

"...me ready for hosting Saturday night live."

Oh come on watch for your hidden child's agenda. Grab a young child (hopefully one you know) and watch with them. It is foolishly funny.

the day is done

2010-11-24T00:32:00.000-06:00

I sit ... at home. Heating pad working, pain pills slowing. Nightly cup of herbal tea soothing. The day is done. The hectic day of madness is now 18 hours past due. I turn it all off. Sipping tea I look for messages in the blog-o-sphere. I watch a video, post a picture, a comment or two. Unwinding. Pills affect is ebbing the pain into submission. I begin to drift. Natures clock is winding me down for the night. Sip of tea soothes the mind and body. Heat infuses, inside and out. Good night world. Later today is another day, or at least part of it. It is there and I am here.

Morning people

2010-11-23T09:58:00.001-06:00

Image by Martin Sojka via Flickr

So I noticed that the world gets up early but not much opens early.
Most peoples faces are relaxed in a droopy frown, but some seem to have a perpetual smile. Bet those with the smiles are those who can wheel and deal you under the table!
In apartment complexes, people will take the dogs and trash out in the morning in all states of dress and undress. Look at them though and you may get the stare of death - hey you picked that outfit.
Judgment of character can change in a heartbeat when someone opens their mouth.
Frustration is just not worth it; accept, adjust, assert but don't let it eat up your world.
Hmmm are the 10 two left land closed signs, bright orange and white striped barrels and big flashing yellow arrow indicating move to the right recognized by anyone?
Some people can just sit and be patient while others act like it is death knocking at the door to have to do that.
Many morning people seem incapable of responding to a pleasant greeting, an optimistic thought or just being able to appear human.
Saying thank you when I let a driver who missed the barrels and all in number 6 was a nice way to be a morning person.
Finally as I look at the crowds around me this morning I wonder how many start the day with a simple thought of gratitude ... Be grateful for what you have,
not regretful for what you haven't.

2011 Walk for Lupus Now

2010-11-22T18:36:00.000-06:00

It is time again to start letting you know I will be in fundraiser mode for the next 5 months. Yep the Lupus walk is on April 9th, 2011 - but fret not too much. I have a blog created just for this event and the updates as we go along getting ready for this. Check it out here.

See that was relatively painless.

Just a thought

2010-11-19T11:50:00.001-06:00

It's not how much you accomplish in life that really counts, but how much you give to others. It's not how high you build your dreams that makes a difference, but how high your faith can climb. It's not how many goals you reach, but how many lives you touch. It's not whom you know that matters, but who your are inside. Believe in the impossible, hold tight to the incredible, and live each day to its fullest potential. You can make a difference in your world.

~ Rebecca Barlow Jordan
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Break the fast

2010-11-17T17:41:00.000-06:00

by Colette Heimowitz

Is it an old wives tale or is breakfast really the most important meal of the day? Perhaps your Mom always made you eat hot lumpy cereal in the morning, so as soon as you escaped her clutches, you developed the coffee and cigarette habit. And ever since, breakfast has been a bagel—at lunchtime.

Okay, you’re adolescence has ended and now it’s time for a change. You’ve stopped that smoking thing— it was smelly and made your teeth yellow, anyway. But your pants are too tight, you cannot climb a set of stairs without huffing and puffing and you feel much older than your years.
Back to breakfast. Yes, it’s true: breakfast can make or break a diet, because breakfast helps set the tone for the rest of the day. If you’re one of those people who thinks skipping breakfast is a good way to lose weight, think again. Here are the top 10 reasons why you should definitely eat breakfast, every day:

1. Break the fast. Ever think of what "breakfast" means? Your body responds to not eating for hours and hours by "slowing down," diminishing its metabolic rate and burning fewer calories to conserve energy. By eating breakfast, you wake up your metabolism and get your engine humming, so you can burn those calories you need to use up to lose weight.

2. Eat more, weigh less. Researchers have repeatedly shown that people who eat breakfast have a better chance of losing weight—and keeping it off. When you skip breakfast, you’re so hungry by lunchtime that you eat the entire cow! The National Weight Control Registry shows that among those who’ve lost 30 or more pounds and have kept it off more than a year, 90 percent report eating breakfast most days of the week.

3. Up your marks or your approval rating. Are you interested in doing better at work or school? Don’t be a bed head—breakfast helps wake you up. Studies show that people who eat breakfast are more alert and do better on tests than people who skip breakfast. The USDA's Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion Symposium titled Breakfast and Learning in Children cites a "myriad" of studies that show eating breakfast helps "improve memory and positively affects the tasks that require the retention of new information”.

4. Brighten your mood. Conversely, studies show that hungry children can be apathetic, disinterested and irritable when confronted with difficult tasks. Breakfast is the key. No doubt adults need breakfast as much as kids do.

5. Eggs are great food. Breakfast is your chance to eat the foods you may not eat the rest of the day. You can't go wrong with eggs any way you want them: sunny side up, scrambled, poached, fried or any kind of an omelet.

6. Don’t be a grouch. Skipping breakfast makes you grouchy. Studies show that people who eat breakfast tend to be in better moods (when I’m hungry, watch out!). Breakfast gets you started on the right track for the day. If you start out with a healthy breakfast, then you set the mood for lunch. You're more likely to choose something reasonable for lunch if you’ve paid some attention to your breakfast choices.

7. No more sugar roller coaster. Forget the Danish or sugared doughnut fantasy first thing in the morning: they cause your blood sugar to skyrocket up and then crash to the ground a couple of hours later. You’ll be desperate for something to perk you up and are more likely to grab another high-sugar refined carb food for a quick sugar rush.

8. Oil your Machinery. Breakfast makes your body run better. Get yourself on a schedule with a healthy breakfast, and you’re ready to take on the world.

9. Set a good example. If you're a parent, you want to teach your kids good habits. By skipping breakfast, you’ll make your kids think it’s not important. Breakfast doesn't have to be a big affair, but don’t wimp out. Make it a habit and your kids will be way ahead of the game, too.

10. Read labels with a grain of salt. If it says, "nutritious," it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy. Cereal manufacturers are experts in marketing, using words that send a healthy-sounding message, but kids’ cereals often have more sugar than candy does. Protect your kids from getting hooked on these empty foods. They’ll get used to all the sugar and will want only the presweetened kind of cereal.

People ask how do I learn

2010-11-16T15:34:00.000-06:00

I listen ... I read ... I watch ... I think but one place I head to a lot as I have no TV is NPR. Love this little public radio rap called Good Radiation.

From the YouTube page ...

This song is for hard-core NPR fans who listen to hip-hop. So you 7 people: enjoy!

Featuring Jenna Sullivan

LYRICS:

I'm only gonna say this once so you better take notes
As you listen to the rhythms spinnin' out of my throat
I've got an NPR tat and an NPR tote
If you hate on that .... Just don't.
Ya see when morning edition starts up I listen
Awake, in my kitchen for every transmission
There's no competition -- There's nobody hotter
If hosts were magicians they'd be Dumbledore and Potter
So please, tease 'em, just give me a reason
You bet I'm on edge because its pledge drive season
I'm a demon on the mike so if you battle your beaten
I got a legion of lines and I'm gonna unleash em
Lyric'ly I'm diggin deep like 33 chilean miners
Got the heat like Inskeep or Linda Wertheimer
I'm fine, hot timin', rapid radio rhyming
Calling the shots like my name was Scott Simon
So this song goes out to all my member stations
With frequent f--f-f-frequency modulations
Innovation - each breath is an act of creation
Yeah my air's so fresh I'm the talk of the nation

CHORUS
Give me that good radiation
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying
On my mind when I'm driving home
Public Radio

You got radio waves? Well I'm a tsunami
Yeah I'm an addiction, You can't quit once you're on me
I'm coffee - wake up -- its weekend edition
Like tom and ray Magliozzi I turn the ignition
Nonfiction or fable I got diction like Sagal
A feast for the ears like The Splendid Table
I'm above average like one of Wobegon's kids
And now I'm gonna kick it like Ira Glass did
Act 1: Sedaris recalls his past
Act2: Mike Birbiglia has a good laugh
Act 3. Introspection from Starlee Kine
Act 4: WE BLOW YOUR MIND
My crew is small but unstoppable like Terry Gross
My tunes are witty and topical like Terry Gross
My rhymes are sharply intelligent like Terry Gross
OK so I'm in love with Terry Gross
And Renee Montagne and Lakshmi Singh
I want Carl Kassels voice on my answering machine
I'm an NPR addict, I've had it with the static
Change the station, lose my patience
Imma do something drastic

Give me that good radiation (not talkin bout x-rays)
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying (america!)
On my mind when I'm driving home (in my 2003 camry)
Public Radio

All things considered life is pretty awesome
I like my words the way Will Shortz crossed em
I recycle cans -- tryin not to toss 'em
My favorite place in Texas is the city of Austin
Well my (record with the ladies) Is not that great
(Got money in my pocket) Like a buck ninety eight
(On Saturday night) I don't stay out that late
But when I hit the mic, I communicate
The name is CADAMOLE
What's playin in my car Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
Even pledge drives can't repel me
Me and NPR are like PB and Jelly
We're like duracel, n we just don't stop
Round the world like Magellen, still on top
Robert, Michelle n Mellissa Block
Yeah, Norris hit the chorus gonna make it pop

Give me that good radiation (good radiation)
It's the only station I know
Public Radio
On the air like an eagle flying
On my mind when I'm driving home (I'd by a prius if I could afford it))

What is your excuse?

2010-11-16T10:55:00.002-06:00

Yipee ...

2010-11-14T00:28:00.000-06:00

... my sis is here for a couple of days. Thanks bro for letting your wife come up here for a visit. Thanks sis for coming up and checking on me ... that and listening to my incessant ramblings that run the gamut from a cat and a cow conversation to the puffer fish in Sri Lanka :)

Family rocks!

Movember

2010-11-11T14:00:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard about it well then time to get a learning.

The Mo, slang for moustache, and November come together each year for Movember.

Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a moustache. The rules are simple, start Movember 1st clean-shaven and then grow a moustache for the entire month. The moustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for cancers that affect men. Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a moustache for 30 days.

The idea for Movember was sparked in 2003 over a few beers in Melbourne, Australia. The plan was simple – to bring the moustache back as a bit of a joke and do something for men’s health. No money was raised in 2003, but the guys behind the Mo realized the potential a moustache had in generating conversations about men’s health. Inspired by the women around them and all they had done for breast cancer, the Mo Bros set themselves on a course to create a global men’s health movement.

In 2004 the campaign evolved and focused on raising awareness and funds for the number one cancer affecting men – prostate cancer. 432 Mo Bros joined the movement that year, raising $55,000 for the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia - representing the single largest donation they had ever received.

The Movember moustache has continued to grow year after year, expanding to the US, UK, Canada, New Zealand, Ireland, Spain, South Africa, the Netherlands and Finland.

In 2009, global participation of Mo Bros and Mo Sistas climbed to 255,755, with over one million donors raising $42 Million US equivalent dollars for Movember’s global beneficiary partners.

Now Angeline is just way to beautiful in this short, but she is doing it all for the cause. Gotta love that.

What Does It Feel Like To Kiss A Moustache?

from Angeline Gragasin on Vimeo.

30 days

2010-11-10T22:48:00.001-06:00

30 days ago another course correction happened in my life. One that was not expected but then again are any of these drastic course corrections we have happen in our worlds ever what we really expect them. 362 days before this correction another course correction had taken place.

Yes they are connected.

So picking up the pieces of a life that fell into disarray. I fear that the course corrections are not done yet before I find a direction that will hold true for some time. There is something going on in my head that they have not figured, nor I, yet. My body is fighting something that could be as simple as allergies or as severe as ... well who wants to follow that course correction unless they absolutely have to.

But we pick up the pieces. I read somewhere that the first step of healing is vital. It’s OK to mourn the loss of what was and fear the course correction that you are now on. If you attempt to run from the initial rush of raw emotion and pretend you’re fine, you are slowing your recovery and ability to work within the parameters of what is happening. Ignoring these emotions would be like shoving things in a closet moments before company is due to arrive at your home. While your belongings are out of sight, the mess still lurks in the dark waiting to spill out as soon as the door opens. It’s the same with your pain. If not dealt with in a proper manner, your emotions could spill out at any time.

21 days ago I found myself alone again and forced to face fears. I conquered that with a pen and paper. I wrote down what was lost, what was gained, what was learned and what needs to be understood. Then I sat back and contemplated. I was beginning to control the waves of emotion. They were still getting the upper hand from time to time but they were mine now and not running free.

I began to assess damage done to me, damage done by me and began to pick up the pieces. There will always be holes but they are not for me to fill as they are not my crosses. I will never have the knowledge to fill them nor do I want it. I began to make decisions about what I needed to do. I rebuilt some of what I had torn down in my world and began to take steps that would give me direction. Give me a place to look forward into so that I would not dwell in the moment when it became too much.

I selfishly used the tools that I already had, the friendships that were there and brought back to the forefront, the resources that I had seen building around me ... I pulled them in. I used these branches of support and allowed them to help keep my head above the flowing stream below.

14 days ago I had begun documenting a failure in part of my health structure while I moved on another level into a life commitment that is for me. In the long run it will help all aspects of my health and hopefully my life. I may be aggravating the health conditions that I currently am experiencing but I need to move forward. I cannot wait for everything to be right. I need to be able to react and move now for who knows what the future holds. Another one of those things that I do not want to know right now.

Today I am 30 days removed from an instant that is still fresh as a wound but not so painful now. Natures scars are a way of showing that there is a healing process that was designed to allow life to continue and this is the beginning edge of that healing process for me.

I am doing little things now that I was nurturing at the beginning of this course correction but now find myself accepting as a reality. I set a goal in the world of my health and until I meet that I will not shave. Thus the last day I shaved was October 11th as I attempted to pick myself up and head to work. That failed miserably but I did shave without slicing the neck open. So I am scruffy and will trim from time to time but I am not shaving this beard until that personal goal is met. Even at that point I am allowing myself the option for a course direction in that choice. I mean I had a beard from graduating from high school and the next 12 years before being asked to shave for work. So it went to a goatee.

I am going to events of cultural enrichment as I need to continue to grow myself. I am not limiting myself to things that I am comfortable with, but also including situations that challenge my comfort level. So bring on the course correction. Let me grieve and then let me grow.

Wacky Wednesday

2010-11-10T20:44:00.004-06:00

For my nephew - Jarod "Jar Jar" C'man!

Being appreciated is nice ...

2010-11-09T14:46:00.000-06:00

Now that is just really cool of the Project Manager for Teamworks (one of the big labor management projects I am involved in at work right now).

I know it’s a little late for Associate Appreciation week, but I wanted to let you gals (and guy!) know how much I appreciate your hard work and treat you to a Central Market Lunch & Learn Cooking Demo on December 3:

FRI, DEC 3 2010
12:00 PM LEARN AT LUNCH: HOLIDAY APPETIZERS

CM Cooking School Staff

In just one hour, you’ll get these great recipes, tips on entertaining and demonstration of time saving techniques, all designed to help you pull off the perfect holiday bash:

• Smoked Salmon & Dill Mascarpone Toasts
• Mini Chicken Tostadas
• Sage & Proscuitto Corn Cakes
• Herbed Polenta Chips
• Nutella Sandwhiches

:)

2010-11-06T13:21:00.001-05:00

Bibb lettuce, feta cheese, red onions, grilled chicken, poppy seed dressing and strawberries. Gotta love chef Ian.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Happy birthday, mum!

2010-11-06T00:14:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that I have to be most thankful for in the scope of the entire year. This is the day my mum was born (a few years back) and without that miracle I would not be sitting here typing this today. Then a few years after she was born (I will not give away the age lest I get slapped) I had the utmost privilege of being born on my mother's birthday. Hmmm not sure if she saw that as a privilege as I was a couple of weeks late showing up and far be it for me to guess about this as I will never experience it, but who really wants to be in labor on their birthday.

Regardless I have had the honor, all these years, of sharing the same birthday as my mother. Now if only my cousin Nick would have been born two days earlier than he was we could have all shared the same day.

Thank you mother for the gift of life and love all these years.

Without You

Mom, without you, there would be no me.
Your love, your attention, your guidance,
have made me who I am.

Without you, I would be lost,
wandering aimlessly,
without direction or purpose.

You showed me the way
to serve, to accomplish, to persevere.

Without you, there would be an empty space
I could never fill, no matter how I tried.

Instead, because of you,
I have joy, contentment, satisfaction and peace.

Thank you, mom.

I have always loved you
and I always will.

~ By someone else, but the words captivated my thought this evening/morning.

So everyone, in this month where people are being thankful for this and that, just take the time to thank the ones or think about the ones who gave you the gift of life. The one who bore you and gave you the gifts that allowed you to be a son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, cousin, uncle or aunt. I am blessed with the fact that I share my birth date with my mother, but all of us born into this world share the gift of that birth with our mother. Remember that and be thankful.

Namaste

Wacky Wednesday

2010-11-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

grainy as all get but has to make you smile ...

Owwww

2010-11-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

Punctured my damn tongue today while running errands this afternoon before coming into work. I mean I seriously bit it and severed something deep on the underside. That part of the body bleeds like heck so I was concerned especially with me on the Aggrenox. But at least I was just drinking the blood. (yuck)

Finally I finished and made it into work early for a meeting with me and a tea bag sitting under my tongue. Yep tea bags are great for in the mouth as the tannins do wonders in promoting clotting in that moist environment. Just please don't ask me a question ... please ... was all that kept running through my head.

They did ... I sounded like I had just stepped off of the dentists chair. (rolls eyes)

But additional side effect issues to this is it freaking well hurts to eat. It is even uncomfortable to talk. So I tried to find as many projects today that kept me off of the phones and in creating hierarchies for training programs and power point shows to sell the whole training program to the shareholders of this project I created. Bad news is ... now I am freaking hungry. Good news is it is almost time to go home.

So back to the last tasks of the work day. See ya!

Learning and doing

2010-11-01T22:36:00.001-05:00

So I spent a couple of weeks reading all and learning what I could about low-carb diets. How to do it right without damaging yourself. The reasons for and those reasons why people dislike it. I came to the conclusion that I have to try. I have to see as it pretty much mimics what my nutritionist, last year after the strokes, asked me to do and what I lost that first 75 lbs with. This allows dairy and more protein in my diet than the nutritionist had and that was one thing that I did miss.

First I purge the apartment of everything that I needed to eat and consume that would not work with this. I still have a few things and I kept sugar here for those visitors who prefer that in their tea or coffee. I still have not made it through one of those 5 lb bricks of sugar in what ... 4 years here. Amazing.

But last week was the first week and tomorrow will be my first week weigh in. I will see.
I have noticed that by looking at everything from bacon to salad dressings to marinara sauce it is hard to find something that does not have sugar in it. Sugar is, or should I say has become, a staple of this culture we live in. You have to look to find the things without it and of course, without and ingredient they cost more ... go figure.

But it is true, I feel, to say that we are addicted to this granular substance. I did well on meeting the goals this first week. I have the issues that many many people have when switching from a diet with carbs to a diet that has only 20 net carbs a day in it ... and I expected them. I was prepared for lack of energy as the body shifts from burning primarily carbohydrates (in the form of glucose) to burning fat (including the fat that is stored in your body) for energy. You are retraining a living organism and it will fight what it has become accustomed to over the years. But if this is the process that is finally forcing me to get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night I will take it.

Back to my thoughts on sugar ... I was tempted with piles of candy on Sunday night (Halloween) with all the little trick or treaters that showed up on the front porch, with costumes and amazingly polite happy attitudes. So I had a single ... little tootsie roll. Oh my goodness. Just 6 days without that sugar made me drool and the urge for more kicked in. It was both scary from a psychological and physiological point of view as it was amazing to realize that there was truth behind what I had been reading.

So I tested that hypothesis with the single tootsie roll at work today ... of course all the left overs were brought in. Once again I had been doing great all day long. Low carb bar for breakfast, beef and broccoli for lunch, whey protein shake for snack, chicken with veggies for dinner and then the test. Wham ... one tootsie roll set the craving really high for all those candies all over the place. Thankfully I did this test late in the evening so the shift was almost over and I could flee to my resting place, 32 oz of water and healthy stuff.

So I am sure I will have more thoughts on this to share in the future. I have a coach who lost over 100 lbs herself and her husband lost 130 lbs so we shall see where this goes. Yes the doctor is aware ... remember always make sure your doctor is aware and agrees with your choice of action before starting it if you have conditions that have to be monitored.

But for now ... I keep watching my carbs and staying away from sugar.

In case you wondered

2010-10-31T23:26:00.001-05:00

Neurologist told me they could not find my brain. He was totally serious and that made me stop in my tracks. This man does not joke around ... or does he. Is that the twitch of a corner of the mouth there. Thank God. I knew I had a brain, unless this is the afterlife?

Somewhat clean bill of health. Concern was rendered about these little headaches that come and almost incapacitate me but are gone in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes. We are looking for a trigger and going to rule things out.

Got another years worth of stroke medicine scripts and a free month supply ... nice, cos this is the expensive stuff.

Plus in 5 minutes and with a safety pin he gave me the diagnosis of carpal tunnel, without the $900 test that the other doctors insisted that I run. Gave me one simple exercise to work on to hopefully make some of this go away. If not we will cross that bridge together. (Well actually he said I could go first in case there were any trolls that wanted a toll ... I am seeing another side of this wise old man).

So now I move onward with changing lifestyles, loss and gain, hope and a smile on my face for I have life, my wonderful families love and some of the greatest friends a simple boy from the countryside in England could have ever wanted when he grew up.

Peace and love.

A thought to meditate on from the inbox

2010-10-25T07:45:00.002-05:00

Your morning thoughts may determine your conduct for the day. Optimistic thoughts will make your day bright and productive, while pessimistic thinking will make it dull and wasteful. Face each day cheerfully, smilingly, and courageously, and it will naturally follow that your work will be a real pleasure and progress will be a delightful accomplishment.

William M. Peck

Hiding behind

2010-10-24T22:59:00.001-05:00

I started to write a long essay yesterday that is still sitting there waiting for me to revisit about where I fit in in this world. I don't know and I am still pondering all that I saw yesterday and all that I felt but today someone I love made a comment to me that I seem well. I had to sit and think about that as the reality is far from that but I have managed to pull of that perception ... I have managed to put on that mask.

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes-
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties,
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

Paul Laurence Dunbar

"Oh it is so far from the truth in that it becomes the truth. We are born naked and fully unaware into this world and learn from others reactions. We are constantly provided with a list of things that we are not to do or are 'bad'. Thus we conclude that we are bad. We therefore determine and learn to hold negative beliefs of ourselves. This is the first level of the mask that so many of us wear. We don't want others to see this of us and we put on our faces and outward appearance so that they, the outside world, will not know that we live in fear of being a bad person.

Then as we age we try on different masks for different reasons and determine what works for us ... the happy one, the studious one, the know it all, the jock, the geek, the punk ... and we cover ourselves up with so many layers of masks that we live in a new fear of being exposed. In the business world we find a whole different world of masks to layer over the top of each other as we create a persona that fits us in.

It beats us down over time and sometimes we just let it all go. We may meet someone who does not know us and we decide to let them see the real person under all those heavy robes and mantles we are carrying." (me)

This was the crux of the one part of many a church retreat in high school and college that I would host. I would talk about the masks that we lived behind. I had this one down pat. I could wheel and deal you out of your masks and give you a moment to just be you. The real you. I knew that once you left you would bottle it all up and become the you behind the mask but for a moment, for just one moment that awareness of you being you was real.

I was good at this but I am also great at covering up the underlying me. The scared, lonely, confused, heartbroken, lost and totally sad me. Obviously I have done this well in the world of social media. I know that those close to me, who can see and touch me, are aware of more. They can see through the cracks in my masks. Those on the phone can tell something is amiss by my voice but cannot put a finger on it.

But how much of that mask that I am putting on is a portrayal of the hope I have that there can be more for me in this world. That somewhere I do fit into this puzzle called life. That I can have hope that I do not have to be lonely for the rest of my life. Or can we create so many masks in life that we don't really know where the real us is under so many layers of a reality we create.

Here in the words I can be more me than I can in person, that I do know. I am such an empathic person and have too many emotions when I try to break down the reality to others in person. Thus here I let people get peeks into who I am. Right now I am wounded and that wound runs deep into my psyche. I could not spend enough time on that trying to figure out where it ends and where to begin the healing so I close it up. That does not heal me and overall it hampers me. But right now that is the existence that I must live in. I have to find a way to try and make it through the day to day grind. I have to find the energy to get out of the house and not hide away with loneliness as my constant companion.

So I try each and every day.

I get up and find a smile to put on my face. I go through some tasks that are routine and others that change. I give thanks for the breath I have and then look for the strength to move through the motions of eating, cleaning, washing clothes and such before heading to work do deal with the world outside. It is a challenging task some days but most days I make it without incident.

I have to find ways to change that. I have to find ways to heal myself. So tomorrow, Monday the 25th of October I begin the Induction phase of a lifestyle change. I cannot go on like this and this is the repair part of me. Through the haze of this week I have worked hard on reading a large textbook about change and repair even though apathy often wanted me to curl up and ignore the world. The change hearkens back to what my nutritionist had me on after the stroke and what I have drifted away from.

With this change I begin to truly move to the next level of healing the physical me. I am hopeful that as I heal the physical me I will in turn begin to heal the broken man, the broken child inside of me.

I thank my family and friends for being a constant reminder through the past couple of weeks and I know that I will continue to need you more as I move into the new phase of me.

I am not fine. I am not even close to being there now. I do not mean to deceive but I need to see the me that I hope to become and thus the masks will be part of me as I heal. Don't be afraid to ask as you know that I have always said it like it is when people have truly meant that they want to know, rather than the superficial.

Thank you.

2010-10-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

So I find myself making a couple of horrendous faux pas at work today, realizing after I did them, could not stop the process and thankfully had more than generous upper management people who understood. Phew.

Then I get a call from my neurologist and all of a sudden I need am fit into a schedule that usually has a three month waiting list next Friday. Nope not stressing just curious. So I had to touch base with my fellow lead to give him the heads up that I will be delayed next Friday. Of course I set myself up but I am still chuckling ....

From me:
Subject: Friday 29th, 2010

My neurologist just called me and needs me in there at 8 am on this day. I should be here shortly after 10 I would expect, unless they tell me I have no brain.

From him:
Subject: RE: Friday 29th, 2010

Right then, scheduled off all day!

J/K, will adjust to 10:30.

It is great to work with people who have just as warped sense of humour as yourself.

Have a great day all.

Repair, Learn and Live

Where Am I?

accoutrement

...

That was a doozy

Homework

insomnia

News F*L*A*S*H

so waiting

right now

Watch OUT (Minefield Ahead)

Tonight

Tea Time?

Yikes

just have to share

Alpine Swiss

Stress

Ups and downs ... downs and ups

Got Three Minutes?

What the ...

Stroke - Not a Secret - Talk About It

....

Live a little ... love a little ... have fun

Hi

Fugnabit

Life - sometimes ugh

Phew - today is done

Today ...

Walking story

Thought

Time flies

1st day back - done

Transition day

Small window

Clinical lines

Weekly Contemplations

Last day of anti-coagulant

Sense of Urgency

Kitchen fun ...

Why not Wednesday

Somehow

Tick tock

Thursday Tomfoolery

Tasty

dang

Weekly Contemplations

Spicy Quiche

Weekly Contemplations

...

2 minutes

na na na na

bonne nuit

Deep Dish Pizza Quiche

watching da' clock

Just a matter of time

All about choice

News

Nice ending to the weekend

Chilly start (makes me happy)

Vibes

Wacky Wednesday

Somedays just gotta be lazy

Tis a good thing

Thankful Thursday

Wacky Wednesday - reboot

Wacky Wednesday

Normalcy

Wacky Wednesay

Freaking weekend

For Fun Friday

Wacky Wednesday

Twisted Tuesday

Good Weekend

Where ... time ... when ???

Wacky Wednesday

National STROKE Association - redesigned

Dinner on the go

Aphasia

Wacky Wednesday

the day is done

News FLASH